These days I have a lot of worries, beyond the usual existential distress (actually I have had less of that because real life worries trigger actions and actions preclude same old/same old, which is what usually causes the distress).
1. I have waited seven years (since I stopped working full time) to collect my full retirement amount from Social Security. Because of bureaucratic snafus, it feels like it is hanging in the balance. I know it really isn't; everyone gets their Social Security, and I have gotten letters for years telling me how much I will get. I applied online in April. I went to their offices in May and was told I would get my first payment in August because my birthday is in July. To date, however, when I check my application online, it says "we have not yet made a decision". Huh? I called the office twice (which meant being on hold for more than 30 minutes - ok since I have a land line and can stick it under my ear and do something else) once in June and once at the beginning of this month. I'm told that everything is ok - they have huge backlogs and they will get to my application in time. So I am sitting on pins and needles (I plan to check online again tomorrow).
2. The (boooring) work I have been doing at home ever since I left my last full time job has started to dry up because it is being outsourced to India. This is happening just at the moment I had thought everything would be ok - that the money I would get from Social Security plus the small amount I had been earning should enable me to live decently without taking any more money out of savings, which is what I have been partially living on for the past few years. So now I have to scrounge around for more work. If I didn't have caregiving responsibilities I would try to find a part-time job outside the house, and may even do that yet, although I doubt I would make the hourly rate that I can make freelancing. The irony (reference lack of distress above) is that I am actually enjoying myself more than usual because I am not stuck here at the laptop.
3. My lease is up for renewal and I haven't gotten the letter. That's a false worry; I have lived here for 30 years and I am entitled to a lease renewal. My renewal date got pushed from September to October last time (which yielded me a huge savings as the new rent increases beginning in October of 2014 were tiny) so now I guess it will get pushed ahead to November, which won't change the increase, just have it kick in later. This afternoon I will write to one of my neighbors who is a lawyer, and ask her how to craft an email to the landlord (I have the old one, I think).
4. My 20 year old cat is dying. I don't know how long that process will take. Right now she is not suffering, so I want to keep her here, but she is behaving differently (sleeping on the rug in the kitchen instead of in my bed, for example, and eating less).
Other than that my life is pretty much the same. I feel guilty that I don't make posts about all the tragedies/horrors/disasters that keep happening in this country but really what is there to say? There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said hundreds of times by other people, so what I do is read, watch a good news station (MSNBC) and keep myself informed. I don't really feel anything about all this although I do have strong opinions; I just don't express them as well as the micropunditocracy (by that I mean some of my friends and acquaintances - usually younger and with advance degrees) who know how to pontificate and spew out data. I can't think of anything I can personally do (other than vote!!!) to have any impact here, so I might as well tend to my own garden which is way too spare and needs seeding.
Singing is basically going well. I keep singing better and my voice keeps getting bigger and freer. The only downside to this is that singing certain kinds of coloratura is harder than it used to be. I now wish I had not chosen Handel's "O Had I Jubal's Lyre" to sing at my birthday concert (and twice in church) but I will cope. I certainly have as much breath control as I always did, my voice just no longer skates on the edges of notes if I want to sing fast, the way it used to.
One minor disappointment is that the cost of the Leo Moon Circle in the park (which I had seen as a small birthday present to myself) has been upped from $25 to $39 because they are turning it into a big Lammas celebration. I feel that that's just a tad too much for me to spend particularly if I am not working and don't have a definite answer about my Social Security payments. So I may have to forego it, which is just one more reason I hate being poor. I am going to pay the accompanist for my birthday concert, which is quite a bit beyond my budget, but something I would not deprive myself of (so that will have to be it).
ETA: This afternoon's mail brought a letter from Social Security confirming that I will start getting payments at the end of August.
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