Thoughts on Making Lemonade

I had probably one of the worst birthdays ever, particularly as this was supposed to be a big one, and it's one for which other people have had parties (thrown for them by others or not), been given expensive presents, or taken the "trip of a lifetime".

I basically got nothing.  Four cards, two ecards, probably at least 25 Facebook messages, and an outing to the Morgan Library that was more about caregiving than about enjoying myself (although I suppose I did some of that).  (They were having an exhibit of manuscript and drawings from Alice in Wonderland, one of my favorite childhood books, and what better way to spend my first official day as a senior citizen than by revisiting something from my childhood?)

But the worst was yet to come. As sort of an afterthought, my partner said she would like to take me to lunch on Saturday (after my birthday).  In decades past, it had been possible to get together at least 10 people for such a lunch, both on a personal level, and then again (with different people) at the office.  Since then, two of my close friends have died, as has my mother, three or four have moved permanently, and the rest were traveling and really couldn't have given a flying fig if it was my birthday or not and didn't even bother to send me a card or even an email.

Because I knew I wasn't going to get any presents, I bought myself a summer dress at Land's End (it had been extremely hot and I needed another sleeveless dress).  Here is what it looked like.

Considering the things women wear these days, I would hardly call it shockingly risque, but apparently the fact that it showed some cleavage (I am busty, I have cleavage, I look good in this style of dress, and it was hot out) caused my partner to have a nasty meltdown over my "displaying myself".  Things got so ugly that I did not sleep all night last Friday and spent three hours crying on Saturday.  I said I did not want to go to lunch.  I cried not over being "slut-shamed" (really who cares what is showing when you're 65 anyhow) but because it hadn't seemed possible for anyone to set aside any time to see that ****I**** had a special day. Just for me.  Just for me to wear and do what I felt like without my having to either take care of them or apologize for entangling with their pathologies.

The upshot of it all was that my partner apologized, yes we did have lunch, I put a napkin over my chest while we were eating, and I made a "deal" with her that I would not wear that dress again if she bought me something else (I had found a cotton dress in a catalog for $40 that had a high neck).  I wasn't able to save the image, but it is a lightweight cotton dress that is not too long (no mean feat as I'm now between 5'2 and 5'3 which is apparently off the charts short these days) and that I can hand wash.  It arrived today and looks good.  I really really love the other dress though and by gum I will wear it when she is not around.

On a more positive note.

When I mentioned my despair to a friend of mine (she lives in another state and has health problems, not to mention very little money, so she is not someone from whom I expected fireworks on my birthday although it is of note that she is one person who did take the time to send me a real card) she said that if what I wanted more than anything was a special birthday, I should plan a concert next year on or near my birthday.  Nothing makes me feel more special than singing, right?  And I can do my second favorite thing in the whole world: get dressed up!!

So now I am really excited about this.  I am keeping an "idea book" with notes on repertoire.  It will be purely upbeat.  No heavy opera (except perhaps Dalila's aria, which to me is like a second skin and is in a range as comfortable as most musical theater pieces).  I don't want to post more about it now, because I don't want to spoil it (of course once I have the plan completed all details will be revealed.)

I am still going to try to do Carmen at the LGBT senior center, though.  That can be in April (I think Easter will be early in 2016) and my birthday is at the end of July.

And you will never guess what the best (belated) birthday present that I got today was!!

At my voice lesson I. SANG. A. HIGH. C. SHARP!!!  That is the highest note I have ever sung since I was 13, before I started smoking.  My teacher was absolutely speechless.  Here I am at the age when singers are losing range and I am gaining it!!  Maybe I will turn out to be the Benjamin Button of singers?