Well, today is another Faust Day. Last night at choir practice Little Miss was there and she invited people to hear her sing in a Master Class at her prestigious conservatory with a famous Metropolitan Opera Star. That happens to be the afternoon when I have a voice lesson so I won't be going, but I probably would pass on it anyhow. I love watching Youtube videos of Master Classes featuring young people who are doing what I wish I were doing right now (if the clock could be turned back 40 years) and if they're people I don't know, then the feeling of envy that I have is counterbalanced by the reward of learning something. But if it's someone I know, whom I see almost every week, who is a constant reminder of what I want so passionately that I will never have, it is very very very hard. I have to fight all the time not to let these things eclipse the exhilaration I have felt lately at how well I can sing "Liber Scriptus", or how I can now pick up a choir soprano part and sing a beautiful legato line peaking on an F at the top of the staff, with no effort and perfect breath support.
Of course I would be terrified to try to get into a Master Class with someone famous, if they would even have me.
When I was going through a rough patch with my teacher a few years ago I had a fantasy about writing to Dolora Zajick and seeing if I could sing for her and get her opinion. She has an Institute for Young Dramatic Voices, so I could present myself as someone with an "old dramatic voice". Although according to my teacher, ironically, I actually do have a "young voice" because I started when I was older, so my voice has about as much (or rather as little) wear and tear on it as a 30 year old's.
The other thing that one of my fellow choir members is doing is giving a series of concerts in people's homes, across the country. Apparently he is doing it through a group called Couchsurfing. How enterprising! He is someone my age but runs around like a 20-year-old, and seems to have a family (he has a wife and young adult daughter) who let him fly free. Now concerts in people's homes is definitely a venue I will see about looking into. If I confine it to the NYC area I don't have to sleep on people's couches. I could work up a program (it probably should be art songs, not opera) and see if it would fly. A friend told me about a genre of French art songs called "Salon Music" because people used to sing these in private homes.
Which makes me think that I really really miss the woman who used to give concerts (she called them "Musicales") in her living room. It was a chance to get up and sing for a small audience, as one of several, and to get new perspectives. But she doesn't seem to be doing anything with classical musicians any more.
A few days ago I read this article, which stressed the importance of getting feedback and training from a broad range of people. Probably the fact that I have predominately had one teacher is a drawback. But I am very happy now with all the progress I have made and want to stick with it. Sure it would be great if I could get coachings from different people who could give me new ideas but I simply can't afford it. I am living on a pittance as a freelance copyeditor and even in a few months when I can get Social Security, that will just be enough to keep me solvent, not enough for "extras". I am not a professional singer nor am I on any career path, so how would this expense be justified? When I was doing things with the woman I just mentioned, she only charged each person $20 to be part of a group session (where we would each get individual attention, and listen to the others).
Even if I can't be part of a Master Class, there are things I can do, just not now.
It is always a balancing act. My partner is failing and what I want (what my heart wants, what the part of me that is "good" wants) is to be with her as much as possible. One or two concerts a year and a handful of church solos, combined with a biweekly voice lesson and almost-daily practice is about all I can manage. I have to leave my calendar open otherwise.
Someday I can start a Meetup for late-starting classical musicians over 50 (or over 60?) but not now.
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