Well, what a difference from last year!
A friend of my mother's took us out to lunch (how different he is from, um, "clueless"; he inherited some money and said he feels he should use it to treat friends) and we had a lovely time.
And on the way home my partner bought me a big bouquet of red roses. That was in addition to the dress she bought, which I wore, and which she liked seeing me in.
And the two women whose birthday cards came back to them in the mail last year each sent me one, and one also sent a check, which she said could be for me and my partner to have a nice meal out.
LC, the woman who said she never wanted me to contact her again, sent me a bouquet of artificial flowers. I was totally surprised. She had said (when we were still speaking) that she was going to send me a bouquet for my birthday, but I had assumed she had become so "allergic" to me that she had totally cut me off. The flowers are beautiful. I don't care that they are not real. The note that came with them was telling, though. It began "BabyD" and ended "LC". No "dear" preceding my name and no "love" preceding hers. But I am happy she sent them. I don't care why she did. In fact, one of the "discussions" she and I had once was about whether it's a positive or a negative if someone does something because they think they "should". She thought it was a negative (we were talking about office birthday lunches, and coworkers getting together and sending sympathy cards). I said it was a positive. Even going to the trouble of doing something you think you "should" is considerate. Far too few people these days even do that.
In any event, I wrote back to LC saying that I had no idea what I had said or done that was so egregious that she enjoined me from communicating with her, but that whatever it was, I'm sorry. I mean I'm not sorry if she doesn't want me communicating with her because I am more concerned with my own problems than with national tragedies. There's nothing I can do about the big national tragedies, so what I do or don't feel versus what she does or doesn't feel is not relevant.
I did delete the blog post in which I said I hated her. I don't really. Hate is a strong word. I just think she's a hypocrite and very selfish. Also her level of lability (not in the sense of pathological mood lability but in the sense of being passionate about something one minute and wanting it out of your life the next) is not the behavior of a rational adult that I should have been trusting with personal confidences.
And "clueless" sent me a birthday card. I thanked her for it. I still think someone as rich as she is could make a better showing, but that's why I don't care if she's in my life or not. I refrained from saying anything angry to her; I simply said that I was putting on a recital to celebrate my birthday because I was heartbroken that I had no celebration on a milestone birthday when so many people are given the party, the trip, or the present of a lifetime, so I was putting on a recital. I told her I had been planning it for a year (true).
Now for the most important news: I did a little practicing and it basically went well. The Handel is still difficult, and after singing it in church (either once or twice) next month I will probably retire it.
It looks like a friend will make a video with her iPad and upload it to Youtube to post on Facebook.
That's really all I want for my birthday. Something to kvell over.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Old Foes Become New Friends (2)
Well, my concert music is going so well (I can't think of any "tweaking" that needs to be done at this point, other than making sure I am spot on with entrances in the Heggie pieces) that I didn't want to sing it at yesterday's lesson, so I sang through "Stride la Vampa" (which I don't think I'd sung in 35 years) and "Condotta" preferatory to my (tentative) planned Fall concert featuring Act 2 of Trovatore.
All I can say is "Wow"!
I can't believe that I actually know what to do with that B flat!!! For the past two years I have been doing an exercise consisting of a descending octave scale. For the previous eight years I could not do this above a high A natural, but then one day, something broke through that "gag reflex" and I started being able to do the exercise starting on a B flat, then starting on a B natural, and now I can even do it starting on a C!!! So I just sing "figlio avea bruciato" with the syllable "a" on a high A, then just chill while the tenor sings "Quale orror!" and vomit out that B flat. The point is that everything felt so much easier.
Posts are too numerous to link to, but if you read some of what I wrote in the Fall of 2011, you will see what a struggle I had with this aria. Now I think the whole thing is going to be fun. (Yes, the word "fun" is OK here; it's a melodrama, not a Requiem.)
Otherwise things are a bit shaky monetarily, but I'm optimistic. I got some more work (I'm hoping I can just earn enough to supplement my Social Security), I signed my new lease, and I should get my first Social Security payment a month from now. I got a birthday card from one of the people whose card came back to them in the mail last year and it was a big card covered with glitter; just my kind of thing.
Wish me luck for Sunday, although I am not nervous at all - other than wondering if my partner will be upset by my singing "Mon Coeur". If she is, I can tell her my teacher helped me plan the program. I put her (my partner's) name in the program as the title of one of the song sets, so I'm hoping she stays. I am going to go get her on the second verse of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart". I hope I don't cry.
And did I say I'm ending with "Home Sweet Home"? That was Joan Sutherland's favorite encore, and home is my and my partner's favorite subject.
All I can say is "Wow"!
I can't believe that I actually know what to do with that B flat!!! For the past two years I have been doing an exercise consisting of a descending octave scale. For the previous eight years I could not do this above a high A natural, but then one day, something broke through that "gag reflex" and I started being able to do the exercise starting on a B flat, then starting on a B natural, and now I can even do it starting on a C!!! So I just sing "figlio avea bruciato" with the syllable "a" on a high A, then just chill while the tenor sings "Quale orror!" and vomit out that B flat. The point is that everything felt so much easier.
Posts are too numerous to link to, but if you read some of what I wrote in the Fall of 2011, you will see what a struggle I had with this aria. Now I think the whole thing is going to be fun. (Yes, the word "fun" is OK here; it's a melodrama, not a Requiem.)
Otherwise things are a bit shaky monetarily, but I'm optimistic. I got some more work (I'm hoping I can just earn enough to supplement my Social Security), I signed my new lease, and I should get my first Social Security payment a month from now. I got a birthday card from one of the people whose card came back to them in the mail last year and it was a big card covered with glitter; just my kind of thing.
Wish me luck for Sunday, although I am not nervous at all - other than wondering if my partner will be upset by my singing "Mon Coeur". If she is, I can tell her my teacher helped me plan the program. I put her (my partner's) name in the program as the title of one of the song sets, so I'm hoping she stays. I am going to go get her on the second verse of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart". I hope I don't cry.
And did I say I'm ending with "Home Sweet Home"? That was Joan Sutherland's favorite encore, and home is my and my partner's favorite subject.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
On Wings of Song
Last night I had the first rehearsal for my birthday concert. It went really really well. The only pitfall is that I got tired in the middle of the next to the last piece "I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls" a lovely aria from Balfe's Bohemian Girl, which, although in a comfortable range, doesn't have many places to breathe. I am really not too worried, because in the actual concert I will only sing each piece once, and also the pianist will be playing in between some of the sets, And I gave her instructions about where to take a pause in the Balfe (in each verse) so that I can take a bigger breath than singing in strict time would allow.
The good news is that I had a really pleasant surprise with the Handel. I think I have figured out how to keep my voice "small" enough to sing the long ornamented runs, despite the fact that my voice is bigger. I just keep my mouth small (what wind players call a small "embouchure") so that the notes are not "all over the place". I also figured out some better places to breathe. I seem to have to breathe somewhere, so I am going to do it toward the end of each run when I'm in one of the low passages. If there is a low E or F (I'm talking about the notes at the bottom of the staff) that I don't sing no one will notice.
But most of all, I just want to note that I just had a wonderful time. The kind of time I used to dream of having and now have more often than not, where things are working technically and I can just let my voice soar and think (or in between pieces, talk) about the music.
I have one more rehearsal and then that's it. I hope it goes well. I hope my partner can come (she has been told not to go outside for the duration of this five day heat wave).
The only fly in the ointment is I have a bad stye (again) and now have to go to the eye doctor in Brooklyn tomorrow. It looks horrible. I'm hoping it will subside enough not to show by a week from Sunday.
Now I'm going to run the program (with the spoken dialogue and breaks for the pianist).
The good news is that I had a really pleasant surprise with the Handel. I think I have figured out how to keep my voice "small" enough to sing the long ornamented runs, despite the fact that my voice is bigger. I just keep my mouth small (what wind players call a small "embouchure") so that the notes are not "all over the place". I also figured out some better places to breathe. I seem to have to breathe somewhere, so I am going to do it toward the end of each run when I'm in one of the low passages. If there is a low E or F (I'm talking about the notes at the bottom of the staff) that I don't sing no one will notice.
But most of all, I just want to note that I just had a wonderful time. The kind of time I used to dream of having and now have more often than not, where things are working technically and I can just let my voice soar and think (or in between pieces, talk) about the music.
I have one more rehearsal and then that's it. I hope it goes well. I hope my partner can come (she has been told not to go outside for the duration of this five day heat wave).
The only fly in the ointment is I have a bad stye (again) and now have to go to the eye doctor in Brooklyn tomorrow. It looks horrible. I'm hoping it will subside enough not to show by a week from Sunday.
Now I'm going to run the program (with the spoken dialogue and breaks for the pianist).
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Why You Haven't Heard from Me
These days I have a lot of worries, beyond the usual existential distress (actually I have had less of that because real life worries trigger actions and actions preclude same old/same old, which is what usually causes the distress).
1. I have waited seven years (since I stopped working full time) to collect my full retirement amount from Social Security. Because of bureaucratic snafus, it feels like it is hanging in the balance. I know it really isn't; everyone gets their Social Security, and I have gotten letters for years telling me how much I will get. I applied online in April. I went to their offices in May and was told I would get my first payment in August because my birthday is in July. To date, however, when I check my application online, it says "we have not yet made a decision". Huh? I called the office twice (which meant being on hold for more than 30 minutes - ok since I have a land line and can stick it under my ear and do something else) once in June and once at the beginning of this month. I'm told that everything is ok - they have huge backlogs and they will get to my application in time. So I am sitting on pins and needles (I plan to check online again tomorrow).
2. The (boooring) work I have been doing at home ever since I left my last full time job has started to dry up because it is being outsourced to India. This is happening just at the moment I had thought everything would be ok - that the money I would get from Social Security plus the small amount I had been earning should enable me to live decently without taking any more money out of savings, which is what I have been partially living on for the past few years. So now I have to scrounge around for more work. If I didn't have caregiving responsibilities I would try to find a part-time job outside the house, and may even do that yet, although I doubt I would make the hourly rate that I can make freelancing. The irony (reference lack of distress above) is that I am actually enjoying myself more than usual because I am not stuck here at the laptop.
3. My lease is up for renewal and I haven't gotten the letter. That's a false worry; I have lived here for 30 years and I am entitled to a lease renewal. My renewal date got pushed from September to October last time (which yielded me a huge savings as the new rent increases beginning in October of 2014 were tiny) so now I guess it will get pushed ahead to November, which won't change the increase, just have it kick in later. This afternoon I will write to one of my neighbors who is a lawyer, and ask her how to craft an email to the landlord (I have the old one, I think).
4. My 20 year old cat is dying. I don't know how long that process will take. Right now she is not suffering, so I want to keep her here, but she is behaving differently (sleeping on the rug in the kitchen instead of in my bed, for example, and eating less).
Other than that my life is pretty much the same. I feel guilty that I don't make posts about all the tragedies/horrors/disasters that keep happening in this country but really what is there to say? There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said hundreds of times by other people, so what I do is read, watch a good news station (MSNBC) and keep myself informed. I don't really feel anything about all this although I do have strong opinions; I just don't express them as well as the micropunditocracy (by that I mean some of my friends and acquaintances - usually younger and with advance degrees) who know how to pontificate and spew out data. I can't think of anything I can personally do (other than vote!!!) to have any impact here, so I might as well tend to my own garden which is way too spare and needs seeding.
Singing is basically going well. I keep singing better and my voice keeps getting bigger and freer. The only downside to this is that singing certain kinds of coloratura is harder than it used to be. I now wish I had not chosen Handel's "O Had I Jubal's Lyre" to sing at my birthday concert (and twice in church) but I will cope. I certainly have as much breath control as I always did, my voice just no longer skates on the edges of notes if I want to sing fast, the way it used to.
One minor disappointment is that the cost of the Leo Moon Circle in the park (which I had seen as a small birthday present to myself) has been upped from $25 to $39 because they are turning it into a big Lammas celebration. I feel that that's just a tad too much for me to spend particularly if I am not working and don't have a definite answer about my Social Security payments. So I may have to forego it, which is just one more reason I hate being poor. I am going to pay the accompanist for my birthday concert, which is quite a bit beyond my budget, but something I would not deprive myself of (so that will have to be it).
ETA: This afternoon's mail brought a letter from Social Security confirming that I will start getting payments at the end of August.
1. I have waited seven years (since I stopped working full time) to collect my full retirement amount from Social Security. Because of bureaucratic snafus, it feels like it is hanging in the balance. I know it really isn't; everyone gets their Social Security, and I have gotten letters for years telling me how much I will get. I applied online in April. I went to their offices in May and was told I would get my first payment in August because my birthday is in July. To date, however, when I check my application online, it says "we have not yet made a decision". Huh? I called the office twice (which meant being on hold for more than 30 minutes - ok since I have a land line and can stick it under my ear and do something else) once in June and once at the beginning of this month. I'm told that everything is ok - they have huge backlogs and they will get to my application in time. So I am sitting on pins and needles (I plan to check online again tomorrow).
2. The (boooring) work I have been doing at home ever since I left my last full time job has started to dry up because it is being outsourced to India. This is happening just at the moment I had thought everything would be ok - that the money I would get from Social Security plus the small amount I had been earning should enable me to live decently without taking any more money out of savings, which is what I have been partially living on for the past few years. So now I have to scrounge around for more work. If I didn't have caregiving responsibilities I would try to find a part-time job outside the house, and may even do that yet, although I doubt I would make the hourly rate that I can make freelancing. The irony (reference lack of distress above) is that I am actually enjoying myself more than usual because I am not stuck here at the laptop.
3. My lease is up for renewal and I haven't gotten the letter. That's a false worry; I have lived here for 30 years and I am entitled to a lease renewal. My renewal date got pushed from September to October last time (which yielded me a huge savings as the new rent increases beginning in October of 2014 were tiny) so now I guess it will get pushed ahead to November, which won't change the increase, just have it kick in later. This afternoon I will write to one of my neighbors who is a lawyer, and ask her how to craft an email to the landlord (I have the old one, I think).
4. My 20 year old cat is dying. I don't know how long that process will take. Right now she is not suffering, so I want to keep her here, but she is behaving differently (sleeping on the rug in the kitchen instead of in my bed, for example, and eating less).
Other than that my life is pretty much the same. I feel guilty that I don't make posts about all the tragedies/horrors/disasters that keep happening in this country but really what is there to say? There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said hundreds of times by other people, so what I do is read, watch a good news station (MSNBC) and keep myself informed. I don't really feel anything about all this although I do have strong opinions; I just don't express them as well as the micropunditocracy (by that I mean some of my friends and acquaintances - usually younger and with advance degrees) who know how to pontificate and spew out data. I can't think of anything I can personally do (other than vote!!!) to have any impact here, so I might as well tend to my own garden which is way too spare and needs seeding.
Singing is basically going well. I keep singing better and my voice keeps getting bigger and freer. The only downside to this is that singing certain kinds of coloratura is harder than it used to be. I now wish I had not chosen Handel's "O Had I Jubal's Lyre" to sing at my birthday concert (and twice in church) but I will cope. I certainly have as much breath control as I always did, my voice just no longer skates on the edges of notes if I want to sing fast, the way it used to.
One minor disappointment is that the cost of the Leo Moon Circle in the park (which I had seen as a small birthday present to myself) has been upped from $25 to $39 because they are turning it into a big Lammas celebration. I feel that that's just a tad too much for me to spend particularly if I am not working and don't have a definite answer about my Social Security payments. So I may have to forego it, which is just one more reason I hate being poor. I am going to pay the accompanist for my birthday concert, which is quite a bit beyond my budget, but something I would not deprive myself of (so that will have to be it).
ETA: This afternoon's mail brought a letter from Social Security confirming that I will start getting payments at the end of August.
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