I, who usually post and blog mindlessly (often saying things that I later regret or would be embarrassed to say out loud to people in person) have been uncharacteristically silent for the past few weeks.
The reason is that there is a whole litany of nightmarish things that have been going on, about which I simply have nothing to say. This does not mean that I don't care about them or don't have feelings about them; it simply means that I am not articulate about issues involving the larger world. I am articulate about myself, other people I know, social dynamics, psychological dynamics, and maybe issues that really hit close to home, like class, but what can I possibly say about children in cages, the danger posed by a vacant Supreme Court seat, or the monstrousness of shooting journalists?
It seems that since joining Facebook, I find myself surrounded not only with superachievers with graduate degrees, but also with people who can adroitly opine about everything in the news, and who regularly post and share articles, photos, and clever justapositions of truths. I am just not good at that. I never was. If I was "present" in school at all, I was the literary one, not the girl most likely to be voted class President. In my senior year in high school (which I mostly binge-dieted, necked and petted, and played hookey through) I took an extra foreign language, not journalism or Problems of American Democracy.
I was comfortable in AA and some of the women's discussion groups I belonged to because I could be good with words describing my feelings and asking about other people's. In fact, talking about politics or anything ideological that did not involve making an "I" statement was forbidden in those groups.
Probably part of my addiction to complaining is that I write well when I have a personal complaint (or a triumph to share); less so when I am talking about an "issue". Other people do that better.
But because of the ugly way that I was dumped into the garbage by LC, I now feel very gun shy about talking about my own life when so many things are going on the world. I am also not that good at doing much about them. I live in a state where my two senators and my congressional representative will vote the way I want them to in almost every instance.
I don't go on demonstrations and I don't feel guilty. The most important thing I can do on a Saturday is be with my partner because that is what I have promised her. If it weren't the height of hubris to paraphrase Jesus, I would say "demonstrations will always be with us, but she [my partner] is only here for a short while."
In other news: singing is going well. My solo for July 8 is an aria from a Bach cantata, which I rehearsed this past Sunday. I love it, and am flattered that the Director of Music Ministries picked it out for me. I also bought a book of art songs and spirituals by Florence Price. I am very excited about learning some of these. The Director of Music says he will look over some of the selections, to see if there are any I could sing some time.
And I asked the man from church who made several videos before to make one of my July 8 solo.
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