At first glance this post will seem to diverge from the topic of the day, but there is a connection. As a late-starting classical singer who, no matter how hard I work, no matter how well I now sing, will never ever be as polished as someone who spent 8 years at a conservatory as a vocal performance major, this article really hit home. I am probably not what he means by a true amateur or a hobbyist. I sing well, well enough to give solo recitals, sometimes with other people, at nursing homes and senior centers, and to sing featured solos at church services, but anyone who has spent years at a conservatory and who mingles in those circles, can tell that I am not the real deal. I still have rough spots in my singing technique (far fewer with each passing year, and I am 68 now), I am not 100% musically literate, my language pronunciation is not always perfect, and I often look awkward on stage (not very awkward; I am good at connecting with audiences, but I am unsure how to enter and exit, bow, and keep my arms still if I think doing this or that will help my singing).
The author wrote "Especially when it comes to physical pursuits, but also with many other endeavors, most of us will be truly excellent only at whatever we started doing in our teens." Which is what I have been saying all along.
What is so sad, is that, with performing arts at least (I think sports are different, maybe) there is no place for people like me. There are all sorts of choruses, but no performance groups that are simply for older avocational performers who may need a little polishing. Or if there were one, it would, like all the "amateur" opera groups, be overrun with out of work professionals and young people looking to get a leg up. So what I'm saying is there are not performance groups for people like me that have a way of keeping certain types of people out.
And then there's the vitriol. Which is one reason I have stopped participating in singer discussion groups. I find my blood pressure is a lot lower if I stick to groups that talk about pets, British tv, and literature. If I want to know about singing I can talk to my voice teacher, my choir directors, or my accompanists. Until I made contact with these groups I had no idea that by referring to myself as an "opera singer" (well yes, that's what I've trained to sing and that is the kind of music I do sing even if it's just in a nursing home) I was besmirching an art form, leading the public astray, and doing damage to OPERA as a cause to be promoted. I actually find that hard to believe. If anything could turn people off opera as an art form it's the mud-slinging these people get involved in, with each other and at people they deem "their inferiors".
To the second part of this post, it seems that it doesn't link up with the horrors of this week, but in a way it does. I read an article in the Times a few days ago that spoke of the world that Kavanaugh and Blasey Ford grew up in: unrealistically high expectations, high achievement, and escaping from the pressure with drunken debauchery.
Some of that was familiar territory to me, some not. My father was a professor and most of my parent's friends were doctors, academics, and school principals. Their sons were expected to be doctors. Their daughters were expected to be what I call "Jane Austen" girls. Do well in school, be smart, but not smarter than the boys, and stick to the arts: literature, painting, playing a musical instrument, singing a little, taking some ballet classes. Get into a good college so that you can meet the right kind of husband. My generation rebelled, but differently. First and foremost we rebelled by rejecting achievement. Turn on, tune in, and drop out. And for many of us, we stayed "dropped out" long after we discontinued drug or alcohol abuse.
The parties described by Blasey Ford and others, though, are quite different from the ones I attended (and I was a little older). Yes, alcohol flowed freely, drugs were readily available, and there was lots of meaningless casual sex, but nothing was ever violent. Was that because we were the "free love" generation? The men who were there were ones who had found a way to avoid going to Vietnam, who hated war, who, yes, wanted lots of women to be available and didn't want to be tied down, but I don't remember anyone forcing himself on me or anyone else. We were all in it together. Looking back I would call it "quasi-consensual" sex. Things I and other women wouldn't have done it we'd been sober, but I don't remember anyone assaulting or pursuing me if I said "NO", which of course I was more likely to do if I was sober. Love was free then.
Not long after that I became a Lesbian Separatist and we encouraged each other to observe the "Pence rule" if we had to venture beyond the bounds of our sect (mainly this meant at work). Don't consume alcohol at mixed parties (many of us were twelve steppers anyhow). Don't go for a meal alone with a man. Dress modestly. If you work in an office with straight men and it's too conservative for pants suits, make sure your skirt comes below your knees. Don't smile excessively. Be businesslike and matter of fact. Apparently that (and the fact that I worked in an industry that was predominately female) stood me in good stead.
If I am bitter about anything from those days, it is not that I got myself into sleazy situations when I had had too much to drink (or more) but all the waste. Time and energy I could have spent on my talent. Yes, "Especially when it comes to physical pursuits, but also with many other endeavors, most of us will be truly excellent only at whatever we started doing in our teens." Those people must have been around in 1968 or in 1971. Why didn't I take my cue from them?
Sunday, September 30, 2018
Friday, September 14, 2018
Maturity and Serenity
Last week at our first choir rehearsal of the year, with no notice, we were told that we were going to be singing the Randall Thompson "Alleluia" for the first Sunday we were back. So ok. I have sung that before. The last time I (around 6 years ago) I could see how my technique had improved since the first time we sang it (10 years ago - at the choir director's wedding), and now it has improved even more. The progression with the pianissimo High A is not difficult, and as for the "stringendo" section (with two high As) I can handle that if I "tacet" for a few bars right before the progression going up to the A. This is, of course, something that singers customarily do in Bel Canto aria endings, so I am not apologizing for it.
Of course having that piece of music "sprung" on me was annoying. I needed to map it out and sing it into my voice at least once.
I also felt very guilty not singing the alto part because there seem to be fewer and fewer altos these days. It makes sense because most alto parts are pretty thankless to sing even if you are a mezzo. Actually the Alleluia is one of the exceptions. It sits in the middle of the staff, mostly, with a few low notes here and there. But again, the soprano part is not high overall. It has a very wide range, that's all, certainly no wider than the average bel canto aria I would be singing. The only problem is there is a section that goes on with no break, which would be unlikely to happen in an aria.
Yesterday when I got to rehearsal the choir director asked me if I was sure I wanted to sing the soprano part and I said yes. If he had told me to sing the alto part (which I don't know) I would of course have done it. He just said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable trying to blend, and I said I didn't. I said my voice had gotten higher, certainly in the past few years. Actually what has happened is that I have extended my range by two notes on the top and the bottom but my "sweet spot" has probably moved up at least two whole notes. I asked the choir director didn't he notice that my voice had gotten higher and he said well, he did notice I had more control on notes like E, F, and G, which of course is true. Then I showed him the spot I had marked as "tacet". I also asked him if the dramatic soprano who has recently joined the church would be singing and he said no. I told him any time she is singing of course I will sing alto because it would make no sense to have two big voices on the same part. The altos all have small voices although three of them have voices that are very "pretty". And (this was both sweet and workmanlike) the choir director had marked his copy of the stringendo section with the note "strenuous for the sopranos; don't overrehearse!" which I told him I loved.
The reason for this post, though, is that I can now see how much more confidence I have, not just vocally, but conversationally. I no longer feel defensive. Part of that is that a number of the "sour notes" are no longer in the mix. There was the other mezzo who sang soprano who was very grumpy and disagreeable and was always trying to boss me around (she has since given up singing for another career and actually complimented me on Good Friday on my solo). There was the minister's wife (they have since retired and moved) with a small high voice who was always complaining to me and the choir director that I was singing too loud. And of course Little Miss is gone. If you are a new reader, Little Miss was a 20something conservatory student (she has since graduated and is an adjunct professor at a small college) who sang flawlessly, even at 20, and got endless praise and endless solo bits embedded in choir pieces, not to mention endless flogging of her various recitals by the choir director. It was because of all that that I had a meltdown about 5 years ago, which was not my finest hour; on the other hand after that the choir director really changed his behavior and there has been no one since who has elicited that kind of oohing and ahing either from him or anyone else. The new dramatic soprano is quite modest as is the one other trained lyric soprano who occasionally joins us.
So we will see what Sunday will bring. I have a vocal strategy, so I won't be felled by nerves. I will go home early Saturday, not talk much (not hard to do; when I am with my partner I grocery shop and we watch tv), go to bed early (I seem to be asleep before 11 these days no matter what), wake up and eat a good breakfast, bring a protein bar (if my energy flags after the morning rehearsal) and keep pretty much stumm during the service until it's time for the anthem. The piece builds, so the piece itself can be my warmup.
Of course having that piece of music "sprung" on me was annoying. I needed to map it out and sing it into my voice at least once.
I also felt very guilty not singing the alto part because there seem to be fewer and fewer altos these days. It makes sense because most alto parts are pretty thankless to sing even if you are a mezzo. Actually the Alleluia is one of the exceptions. It sits in the middle of the staff, mostly, with a few low notes here and there. But again, the soprano part is not high overall. It has a very wide range, that's all, certainly no wider than the average bel canto aria I would be singing. The only problem is there is a section that goes on with no break, which would be unlikely to happen in an aria.
Yesterday when I got to rehearsal the choir director asked me if I was sure I wanted to sing the soprano part and I said yes. If he had told me to sing the alto part (which I don't know) I would of course have done it. He just said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable trying to blend, and I said I didn't. I said my voice had gotten higher, certainly in the past few years. Actually what has happened is that I have extended my range by two notes on the top and the bottom but my "sweet spot" has probably moved up at least two whole notes. I asked the choir director didn't he notice that my voice had gotten higher and he said well, he did notice I had more control on notes like E, F, and G, which of course is true. Then I showed him the spot I had marked as "tacet". I also asked him if the dramatic soprano who has recently joined the church would be singing and he said no. I told him any time she is singing of course I will sing alto because it would make no sense to have two big voices on the same part. The altos all have small voices although three of them have voices that are very "pretty". And (this was both sweet and workmanlike) the choir director had marked his copy of the stringendo section with the note "strenuous for the sopranos; don't overrehearse!" which I told him I loved.
The reason for this post, though, is that I can now see how much more confidence I have, not just vocally, but conversationally. I no longer feel defensive. Part of that is that a number of the "sour notes" are no longer in the mix. There was the other mezzo who sang soprano who was very grumpy and disagreeable and was always trying to boss me around (she has since given up singing for another career and actually complimented me on Good Friday on my solo). There was the minister's wife (they have since retired and moved) with a small high voice who was always complaining to me and the choir director that I was singing too loud. And of course Little Miss is gone. If you are a new reader, Little Miss was a 20something conservatory student (she has since graduated and is an adjunct professor at a small college) who sang flawlessly, even at 20, and got endless praise and endless solo bits embedded in choir pieces, not to mention endless flogging of her various recitals by the choir director. It was because of all that that I had a meltdown about 5 years ago, which was not my finest hour; on the other hand after that the choir director really changed his behavior and there has been no one since who has elicited that kind of oohing and ahing either from him or anyone else. The new dramatic soprano is quite modest as is the one other trained lyric soprano who occasionally joins us.
So we will see what Sunday will bring. I have a vocal strategy, so I won't be felled by nerves. I will go home early Saturday, not talk much (not hard to do; when I am with my partner I grocery shop and we watch tv), go to bed early (I seem to be asleep before 11 these days no matter what), wake up and eat a good breakfast, bring a protein bar (if my energy flags after the morning rehearsal) and keep pretty much stumm during the service until it's time for the anthem. The piece builds, so the piece itself can be my warmup.
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