Don't Mourn - Organize!

That being said, I really really need some cheering up.

How does it happen?

I had a nice weekend, and was looking forward to working on the Requiem and fixing some of the trouble spots, and learning a new church solo, and then Monday I got a call from my SO that she had taken a tumble on the pavement.

Fortunately she was not seriously injured, which was amazing as she's 78 with brittle bones, but she was unable to even open a pill bottle for about three days, so I ended up sleeping there for two nights that I hadn't planned, and lost a lot of time from work.  Not to mention that my wheels started spinning - "Suppose something like this happens the day of my concert?"

When I mentioned saying prayers for my concert, one thing I was praying for, in addition to being able to sing well and overcome my nerves, was that if God willed it, there would be no crisis that would draw me away, perhaps leading to my having to cancel the whole thing.  Our close friend (the only one who is really reliable) won't be in town the weekend of the concert and no one else is reliable, so I wrote to someone who I think handles pastoral care at the church.  I have seen them set up tag teams of people to help with the frail elderly and other people in need.  I am not strictly speaking a member of the church, but because this concert is a fundraiser for the church, maybe this man will find me someone who could take care of my SO if she has a crisis and needs to be taken to a medical facility.  Obviously if it were an immediate matter of life and death I would want to be there, but quite frankly, if it were just something like a broken ankle, I would not.

Every time something like this happens it is just so draining.  I lose time from my livelihood, which means that I have to cram work into every nook and cranny and can't move forward not just with my singing (I always see that I practice some even if it's just to vocalize) but with other projects or just brainstorming about how I can make my dull life more colorful and glamorous.

And...

I really feel passed over again for Holy Season.  I don't think it's deliberate (if I did I would be out of there - probably not to audition for paid choirs that would turn me down because I don't sightread, or sing straight tone, blah, blah, blah, but to another "convenience sample" choir that is more talent poor than this one has become).  I think there are not a lot of choral pieces with solo bits written for mezzos. Whatever it is, most of them seem to be for high voices or for men.  Whether it's Brahms or Moses Hogan.

So once again there will be two soloists for Good Friday - not me.  I mean these solos are in the Brahms Requiem which does not have anything suitable for me, but still...

I can't believe that I have let this spoil my excitement about the Verdi.  And I was excited, even though I'm constantly nervous that I will blow the top note in "Liber Scriptus", because my name is on a flyer that is sitting on a table in the back of the church.

I mean come Hell or High Water I am going to find a solo to sing during this season.  I wrote to the choir director about "Qui Sedes" with the oboe accompaniment.  If he doesn't like that I will find something else.  But why is it always me that has to pick these things, and then chase him around and nag????  It would be really really really nice to have him pick something, preferably for a high profile service, and then come up to me and say "I would really love it if you would sing this."

Which led to my having an unusual insight.  I have sung quite a few solos there, but never one with the choir intertwined - except once when there was a solo quartet singing with the choir.  (For example when I've sung the Mozart "Laudate Dominum" I have sung the solo version.)  And I realized that I think that is what I would like best.  To be out in front with a crowd behind me.  To feel like a star, the center, the focus.

Well, if the Requiem goes well I will be happy (I really really need to work work work my tail off, although I'm not sure what to do about nerves - I know I can sing the bloody passage in "Liber Scriptus" I just don't trust that I can.)  Then I can pick out the most glamorous looking black dress or what you will to wear on Good Friday.  I have lots of lace and velvet and I can put a big flashy sparkly ornament in my hair and wear my diamond earrings.

And after the Requiem I will do some serious research and look for some choral pieces with mezzo solos (aka "soprano 2" solos, "soprano" solos that don't go above a G, or "alto" solos that sit near the middle of the staff and at least go up to an E flat).