Keeping it Real

When I began singing again in 2004, no matter how happy I was with how I sang a particular piece, I didn't feel entitled to think of myself as a "real" singer. Sure, compared to amateur choir folk I was such the diva (at the Unitarian church, except for one operatically trained lyric coloratura who didn't sing with the choir, mezzo me was the only one with "high notes" - read Gs and As), but as soon as I entered the operatic blogosphere I sadly realized that I was really No One.

The fact that I had sung a role like Laura at a no-pay outfit with rickety sets, ancient costumes, and a piano, back in 1980 really meant sod-all (sorry for swearing) to the people posting on The Forum and initially when I posted things there unless I asked a question I was politely ignored. I mean these were people with managers who had sung at the sort of regional opera houses that get reviewed in Opera News not to mention that some of them had even auditioned for the Met. Having grown up in the 1960s when opera stars were very "touch me not" from their big hair to their disdain of getting into a political argument, I was rather astounded to realize that here were people blogging about their weight, their failed love affairs (some in graphic detail), and their political opinions (mostly as left of center as my mother and her lefty friends), who, nonetheless, might actually have their picture in Opera News or their name on a billboard at Lincoln Center.

Many of them wrote about trips to New York, which made me a little sad. I mean I live here, but I never get within ten miles of anything more than a homemade concert or (recently) a company with an orchestra offering me a small role in exchange for selling tickets (actually I'm glad now they only offered me a small role, otherwise I'd never have been able to sell enough tickets to break even). So here are people trekking to the Holy Grail which for me is just a place to do grocery shopping. I often have fantasies about running into one of them at the Juilliard Bookstore or a small local shop, actually.

But now things are starting to get real.

The woman having the salon heard my MP3 file (it's on my profle as a "sound clip")which even I don't love as much as I did when I made it, and still wants me to sing for her. And I know pianists who know real singers who want pianists.

And I no longer worry that the people on The Forum just think I'm a big joke, because I'm almost 60, because of the name I use there (which I love love love, and it's much nicer than my real one), and because I 'fessed up that I had sung with the notorious Madame LaPuma (who actually had some very good singers on her roster, in case people are wondering).

I'm not a joke any more. I'm real.

There are a few people on the Forum now who have actually heard me sing, who know how hard I work, how I've transcended the barriers of age and obscurity. Not that I'm expecting any big contracts. Just to be real.