Dawn, Maybe?

I wanted to make a post last night, but was at an all time low ebb (usually I save these sorts of posts for "the other place").

I am still dangerously underemployed (I'm supposed to get some regular work starting next month but don't know how many hours t hat will be) but am determined to stick with freelance. I get health insurance from my previous employer and simply can't face having to go into an office for 8 hours a day on someone else's schedule. It's really really nice to be able to sleep a little later and make daytime appointments. I can work at my computer at night, which is a good time to be in my apartment and cozy.

Even in this precarious state, I am the financial "anchor" for my (mostly ex) partner who is practically destitute living on a fixed income. I am finally getting her some much needed social services but nonetheless....

The current bone of contention is $200 she owes on the cell phone. It was easy for her to overuse it when she was in the hospital and neither of us could ever figure out how many minutes we had left (I spoke to a live person over the phone and I think I now have this figured out).

I am also feeling very depressed because my 60th birthday is next week. Aside from feeling that my "last gasp of healthy middle age" is slipping away due to financial insecurity and eldercare responsibitilies (I mean I chose not to have kids, for Pete's sake! I'm not a nurturer except in small doses - I was a great, mentorly boss, for example), I am depressed that there really is nothing/no one to do anything special for me. I don't have a "Circle of Friends" IRL although I have a lot of acquaintances. Between working 50 hours a week at a job for the past decade, eldercare, and trying to sing, I haven't had much time for socializing. My ex partner is supposed to take me for a restaurant so we'll see. If she gets into a snit with me over the phone bill for all I know she might not. Ironically, she bought us a ballet subscription (a birthday present for me) which she really couldn't afford. This was before she knew about the cell phone bill.

The one thing that is going well (a strident B flat here and there notwithstanding) is my singing. And it isn't just that I'm singing well, it's that I'm on people's radar screen, something I never thought would happen.

The glorious rising young tenor pictured Here asked me what opera I was going to cast him in next!!! So maybe I can get to the next thing on my "Bucket List" in the Spring of 2011!! I know that's when I'm doing a concert with my teacher. If they weren't both tenors, I would try to include them both in something, but I'd rather do a pocket version of Carmen or Aida as another concert.

Now I just have to find a place. The Lutheran church where I sing had a concert series to restore their historic Tiffany windows but I think that's over and the message I had gotten was that if I wanted to do something else I would have to pay for space rental. So maybe this guy can find something. But he thought of me.

And he's using the photo of us as his Facebook profile pic!!