A Kick in the Pants

I woke up this morning, rather embarrassed about having done a status update on Facebook that I needed a kick in the pants to get my "diva self" going again, and was going to delete it, but when I saw that the esteemed Susan Eichhorn-Young "liked" it, I decided to leave it and really try to address the problem.

Ever since the following things happened I have lost the will and energy to put myself out there (I have not lost the will and energy to sing every day or learn new music):

1.I was trashed for mysterious reasons by the Carmelites director in a setting where almost all the singers were half my age.

2.The new hotshot coloratura showed up at choir and has been given one flashy descant after another to sing in various anthems (the solo spots are still pretty much evenly distributed).

3.My mother died.

4.I have been seriously worried about whether or not I can make enough money freelancing and hence have been doing all I can to focus my organizing skills on time management.

What kept me going for so long, certainly through the planning stages of my concert version of Samson et Dalila was anger, mostly at The Mentor Who Shall Not Be Discussed, but also at the other people from the Unitarian Church where I had been "discovered", who had so raised my hopes up, made me feel special, and then dropped me like a hot potato. I was going to prove that yes, I could do something, even something small, and yes I really was a diva, not just someone you could stick in the back of an untrained choir singing bloody "Imagine"!!! But back then I had my mother, whom I rarely miss, and who was hardly supportive of me most of the time, but who stood with me if I wanted to go out and sing and leave my (mostly ex) partner to scream her head off. But now my partner is frail and unable to care for herself, our little dog



is probably going to leave us soon, and I'm worried about my financial security.

None of this stops me from singing, but it does seem to stop me from taking myself seriously enough to make plans, other than asking the choir director about solos (speaking of which the brouhaha about my being asked to sing for the Tiffany dedication continues and I'm not sure where I stand there).

So OK, what's on the table:

1. I have given the violinist at the church five Bach solo arias to look at and I will soon have "Ich Habe Genug" to give him. So if he will be my champion, maybe we can get a spot on the church concert roster that I don't have to pay for (I was told if I wanted to produce another opera I would have to pay them to use the space.)

2. Maybe I can revive my teacher's interest in a concert. If we have to sing at the nursing home, maybe that's ok. I heard him sing in a concert at the Bruno Walter Auditorium at the Lincoln Center Library and the audience was just one step away from what one would find at the home. He sounded fabulous so maybe he would like to showcase some Verdi?

3. Try to find out how I can get an event into the Bruno Walter, so that I can revisit the idea of my pocket version of Carmen.

4. Bring "Condotta" to one of those coaching classes. I'm supposed to do the Aida/Amneris duet but haven't heard back from the soprano.

It would help if I got a few rah rahs here, but I noticed no one has commented here since before the New Year!