Cautiously Optimistic?

I had said I wasn't going to write much about this audition (I did get a spot for Saturday) because too much talking about something like that is "unprofessional" (and as I've said before, I define "professional" vs "unprofessional" as behaviors not an issue of whether I am getting paid for something or not).

I do, however, want to say a few things about how the prospect of it has lifted my spirits at least somewhat.

Based on things I have picked up by osmosis, I think this audition is to cast the "older character" role, which is fine with me, as it is still a leading role. As I am a (much) older person as singers go, I am not at all offended if someone does not want to cast me as a younger character. I believe in opera as theater as well. What offends me are directors (and it seems these are who run most of the no pay companies these days) who are not interested in using someone my age to play any role because we are not worth bothering with, and believe me, I know this to be the case.

I am somewhat optimistic about this particular production that I am auditioning for because the stage director is older than I am (I know this because of opera productions he told me he'd seen) so he would have a different sensibility.

So now that I have this to look forward to (if nothing else it's an opportunity to get dressed up, get out of the house, and sing), and have enjoyed telling my earthling friends about it (many of them think I am a glamorous creature just for doing something like this), I need to deal with my nerves.

Although my singing has improved, my confidence level has not. It used to be the cutoff for my confidence level was an A, now it seems to have slid back to a G, which is not good, because if I'm a serious mezzo auditioning for anything, I need to show off my high A, which is quite good, if my energy is not sapped in the wrong way by being either tired or nervous. Now there's a "good" nervous, which I think of as "excited nervous" and then there's a "bad" nervous, which is a feeling of being defeated, which is how I often felt singing at those meetups. To date, I have never felt the "bad" nervous singing at an audition, so I need to keep my fingers and toes crossed here.

As for what I am going to sing, I was told not to sing the aria the older character sings in this opera because that's what "8 other people" are singing (is this Saturday audition, with its 16 time slots, only for this role?) so I said I would sing the aria the romantic lead sings, which is something in my repertoire and they said fine. The director I spoke with asked me if I sang "O Don Fatale" and I told him no, it was too high. I said I could sing "Acerba Volutta" or "O Mio Fernando" and he told me to bring both. They are both good show pieces, and I have always been able to put on a good show at an audition, so these should work. Even at my concert, when I thought I did a mediocre job singing "Condotta", a woman who had sung Azucena told me what a riveting performance I had given.

So the countdown is:

Today: It's freezing outside. I am going to stay in, work, eat healthy meals, and spend at least an hour practicing and refining the three arias I might be singing Saturday.

Wednesday: Choir practice. No singing that day, but I can mouth the words and walk through the pieces. Now that I have stopped artificially lightening my voice to sing soprano with the choir (one advantage to having the trained coloratura there) my voice no longer goes off track there, so I should be fine.

Thursday: Basically a reprise of Tuesday although if I get paychecks in the mail I can take a brisk walk to the bank.

Friday: I have a therapy session in the morning. A good place to talk about (and find a strategy for getting rid of) my nerves. Be mindful of how I use my speaking voice. I think it will be warmer so I will do some outside errands and perhaps a wash. Sing through the difficult bits of the three arias. Pack my audition bag. Get a good night's sleep.

Saturday: The audition is at 1, which means I should leave the house at 12:20 (it's about 10 blocks away). If the weather is nice I will walk otherwise I can take the subway one stop, or the bus if I see it. So that means I need to be in my bathroom vocalizing up to at least a high B at noon. Thank God for my forbearing neighbors.

So that's it!