I was debating for several days whether to write about this, but I decided now that I will. Just when I was feeling at an all time low (not about my singing, which I really feel has improved lately, but about how my life has conspired, for the past five years really, to make it more and more difficult for me to follow my "bliss" in any way at all, regarding singing or otherwise), I had the kind of upsetting experience I never thought I'd have.
When I was on line Sunday after the church service (we sang a rousing anthem in 8 parts and I sang the bottom soprano part - full voice, because there was another part above me and the ending was marked "forte") the wife of our star tenor soloist (who also sometimes leads the choir rehearsals when our director is away) came up to me and said "I know a voice teacher who would love to get her hands on you". So this was like, huh?? She's not a singer, so why is she telling me about a voice teacher. Then it got worse as she went on. First she raved about my spectacular instrument, then she talked about how this teacher had helped her husband when his voice was "in tatters". (I know her husband had the beginnings of a major career which was derailed because he had respiratory problems, so he went on to another profession but kept singing.) So does my voice sound like it's "in tatters"? I would hardly think so. I mean, I think there are issues I need to fix and I don't always know why some of them are resistant, but changing teachers is not the first solution that springs to mind. I have an unusually big voice (everyone has said that) so as soon as I stop "crooning" (my teacher's word) I have to deal with the issue of how to support it and "manage" it. This takes time and the decks are stacked against me because I didn't do the right things when my voice was growing, I started really studying seriously (by which I mean not sabotaging myself) at the age of 54, or in any event, I started studying again at the age of 54, which would be hard enough.
So there are two issues here. Yes, I've often thought it would be interesting to get a second opinion, which actually I did once, with a respected teacher and coach, who told me basically that I had a good technique, I just had to map out how I was going to "present" an aria so I husbanded my strength and not panic and do so much "preparation" for a high note. I had often also thought that maybe some of the problems I've had with top notes are the result of my teacher teaching me to approach them the way he does (on the other hand, the reason I began studying with him in the 70s was that I was impressed by his wife's singing and she was a spinto soprano with pianissimi worthy of Leontyne Price) so I had thought it might be good to get a second (particularly a female) perspective on how to lighten my voice at the top. (And if my teacher died or moved away, there is a woman I would contact, because I have always liked the way her students sound.)
But to have someone throw down the gauntlet that way in a peculiar context?
I remember Zachary who has commented on this blog, saying that when a person says something like that they want to make trouble. But why would this woman want to make trouble? (Actually I spoke to my partner about this incident, and she was surprisingly sympathetic and said that maybe this woman was trying to be helpful. She also said maybe the husband put her put to it but I would doubt that - as he sometimes leads the choir I think he would feel free to speak to me if he wanted to but the way to do that is to say "you seem to be having trouble with that phrase, have you thought of trying [fillintheblank]?" not to flog a particular teacher.)
In any event, I'm not sure how I feel about this. I am not really insulted but I feel put on the spot. And of course I am doubting myself. Why do I keep having this big voice that sounds undisciplined? (On the other hand, some people have told me I have a good technique.)
I have a lesson today and thought I would ask my teacher if he has heard of the teacher that was mentioned, but I tried looking her up online and couldn't find any information, which is odd. I can find information about my current teacher, even though he has no academic credentials, if I google him I get hits mentioning concerts and operas he has sung in. (I also got plenty of hits about this tenor and his wife who is a college professor in another field.)
So I think I will just go to my lesson. I may mention this conversation just by way of asking him what he thinks of it.
Then tomorrow, unfortunately, this tenor is leading the choir rehearsal. I say "unfortunately" because I feel now I will have to deal with this issue because even though he didn't participate in the conversation I was having with his wife he certainly overheard it. Actually, I have always liked when he leads the rehearsals because he knows about voices and always makes good suggestions to the group.
I think the thing I find hard to deal with about certain kinds of criticism (constructive or otherwise) isn't just that criticism can sting (or it can be helpful) it's that I see it as pushing me in a position of having to do something: take a suggestion (whether I want to or not), argue why I don't want to take a suggestion, or something.
Mostly I just feel embarrassed.
I wouldn´t take it so seriously if I were you. Often people are just so happy with their own teacher (or in that case, the one of the husband) that they want to do something for the teacher and find him/her new pupils, because they believe that there is simply nobody better in the world. And so they recommend them to everybody who has potential in their eyes, because they have POTENTIAL and not because they sing badly. I have done so myself actually when I studied with my elderly ex-Scala baritone, when I heard a young baritone who was subbing in our company who really had a great instrument, I simply told him that I knew somebody who could give him maybe some tips to make him sound even better.. because there is always better, for everybody. With a high probability that woman didn´t want to criticize you, but simply give you something she deemed useful, since we all strive to get always better, probably.
ReplyDeleteIt is completely up to you if you want to try out some new approach, if you think it can be useful for some part of your singing with which maybe you´d like to hear a second voice.. or if not, simply say that you are working with your teacher who is working with you in a direction you are ok with.
I am a person myself who often takes things as criticism which maybe aren´t even intended that way, so I understand you, but we need to try to just.. breathe deeply and continue on our way. We can´t make everybody happy, that´s a fact, and it is hard enough to try to satisfy our own high standards!
Dadi, thank you for your comment. You make some good points. I know I have recommended my teacher to people but that was only to people who weren't currently studying and might be looking for a teacher. (What I have told people is if they feel that they are having problems - I have said this to a few people in the choir - it may be because they are not studying at all.)
ReplyDeleteI'm in full agreement with Dadi. It seems as though this woman was excited about what she heard when you sang and was excited to share what she felt was a valuable resource. You said she's not a singer, so it's possible she didn't even think about the fact that you probably already had a teacher. Her anecdote about her husband's voice probably had nothing to do with her appreciation of your voice. The story of the teacher bringing him back from "tatters" could easily have just been a story to get you excited about the teacher.
ReplyDeleteIf you decide not to take the woman up on her offer (which is, of course, totally valid) you can easily say that you have a teacher and are happy where you are.
To be frank (and please remember that as this is unsolicited advice you should probably just ignore it) there are a number of technical issues you talk about (short top, etc) that feel like red flags to me after 8 years of study. Some of the solutions offered also make me a little nervous. Given how hard you work I would think they should have been fixed in your 8 years of study. Maybe new ears could help you find new solutions. Taking a lesson or two does not mean a lifetime commitment.
Would you be willing to share the name of this new teacher?
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ReplyDeleteI am hearing what you are saying. My teacher attributes the "short top" to some physiologic limitations, including starting to study when I was older, but I always had that problem no matter what teacher I studied with and no matter what age I was.(I actually wonder if it is the result of my having been a heavy smoker between the ages of 13 and 26, which is when my instrument was still growing. I have no residual health issues from having been a smoker, but it could have damaged the edges of my vocal cords, which is not something anyone would notice who is not trying to sing in an unusual range). What other issue are you referring to? I notice that I get much less tired than I used to and have an easier time controlling the volume. I could tell by how much easier it was to sing the soprano part in the Randall Thomson Alleluia than it had been several years ago. I am actually noticing some improvements in the sound and ease of my top very recently (although not an extension of it - my absolute last note is still a C), which my teacher attributes to my top catching up with all the work we did in the middle. No, I am not offended by your comment. It is a response to my writing about various issues. I think feedback is always fine if it's asked for (or if the asking is implied) not otherwise. Actually, if I wanted a second opinion there is a woman I would want to go to, whose students I have listened to. and whose sound I like. I am hesitant to post the name of the teacher this woman recommended. One thing I found odd was that there was nothing about her online anywhere. Do you have an email address I could send it to?
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