Starting My Day Over

I really really need to start my day over.  This was going to be a nice day: I could stay at home and work (I have enough work to see me through the middle of February) and then run through some sections of the Requiem.

I had said that my "default" New Year's resolution was to cherish and nurture my self-esteem.

So I should know never, ever, ever to spend too much time around the Forum.

I am herewith taking a self-imposed break from it until further notice.

I don't need to feel crappy about myself because I am an "amateur".  I am trying to move on.  How many people sing professionally for a living anyhow?  What will all these people be doing when they're 60?  I think of my poor teacher who get less than a pittance (one third of what my partner gets, and she gets a pittance) from Social Security.  Half of these people who think they're so superior spend more time office temping and bar tending than they do singing, so who are they to look down on me?  (I should say here that a few of the people who post things there are voice teachers, and they are usually helpful.)

It's not worth feeling like garbage just to get more blog hits, which is why I went back to reading the Forum anyhow.

I need to think of a new place to try to link this blog to.

So how do I clear my head and start over?

1.  I had a really good practice session yesterday.  I think the "retooling" I have done with "Liber Scriptus" has "jelled".  There is a new (old?) saying:  "Don't practice it until you get it right, practice it until you can't get it wrong."  I am hoping this will apply here.  Also I sang through the "Kyrie", "Quid sum Miser" and "Recordare" and was spot on with the notes. Today I will work on "Lachrymosa" "Domine Jesu," and "Agnus Dei".  I don't need to work on "Lux Aeterna" right now because I don't have a bass, and anyhow I know that cold.
2. There is a singer who reads this blog who says he finds my story "inspirational".  This is a real professional singer who earns his living singing.  He says he has shown this blog to students and YAPpers.  He took the time to tell me he liked my Youtube video of Wagner's "Angel".
3. My partner is being less obstructionist about my singing.  She said she told several of her friends she is "proud of me" because Sunday I sang an entire church service in Spanish including a solo anthem and all the liturgy.  So what if I didn't get paid?  People say the classical choir I sing with is better than many of the paid choirs.
4. I will find a way to Maureen Dowd this bass who dissed me by not even having the courtesy to tell me he wasn't interested in singing in my Requiem.  (Anyone who reads the New York Times will know what that means.)  I may not be a professional singer, but I am a professional wordsmith and I have a very nasty tongue if I am provoked.

I am a bit concerned that the soprano has not answered my emails re: whether she will be at the rehearsal Thursday.  (The tenor said he had a conflict, but I know he is serious about doing this.)  I know that this soprano will never let me down.  She is a friend of my teacher's, we have sung together before, and she often does pay to sings (she sings as well as or better than many professionals BTW).

So now it is in God's hands.  When I first embarked on the plan for the Requiem I asked God to bless my endeavors.  I knew it wouldn't be easy (singing it is the easiest part - the highest note is an A flat), but I know that God would not have brought me this far, from being discovered 9 years ago at the age of 54, singing from a hymnal in the back of a church, just to dump me.

So now it's time to get to work.  On my to do list is to contact the church administrator about "marketing" the Requiem in the church's publicity materials for Lent.