Another Audition

I had an audition yesterday, the first in two years.  I don't want to say too much about it, because I have no idea who might read this blog, but here are a few things that I feel I can make public.

First, I had stopped going to auditions because none of the opera groups here that don't pay people are interested in avocational singers (unless we've been doing it for decades and started out in music schools) no matter how well we sing.  And the last time I actually got cast in something, a role consisting of about four chunks of music, the conductor was so abusive for unknown reasons (no one had any idea what I was doing that he didn't like) while mollycoddling a woman less than half my age to whom he had assigned the larger role for which I had auditioned (by "mollycoddling" I mean he put up with her coming in not only unprepared to sing her part, but unprepared to speak the words in rhythm and clueless about how to pronounce French).

I went to this particular audition because it was for a Handel opera and Handel is something I sing well.  The fact that I have a church rep background not a 19th Century opera background (I am speaking of the things that I sing regularly in public) means that I probably know as much if not more about Handel style than a lot of singers.

I sang Bradamante's aria "Vorrei Vendicarmi".  For me that sort of thing is not difficult.  What is difficult for me is anything with big climactic high notes although I am getting much better with those.  In fact the woman I auditioned for complimented me on my middle voice and my top A (which I had interpolated into one of the runs).  She said my Italian pronunciation needed work.  No one had ever told me that before, on the other hand this woman speaks Italian fluently and lived in Italy.  So this is something I need to work on.

The bad news is I think I will be squeezed out by professionals or emerging professionals who have or will have or might have a gig to sing this role (or one like it) in a real professional performance.  Even if I sang that aria as well as they did (which I might not have, which is another story).

This has made me sad and frustrated.  If I need to work on vocal technique, or Italian pronunciation to be competitive, I can do those things.  But I can't rewind the tape and be somewhere else in my life trajectory.  I am not young (although I still look hot - men in their 30s and 40s are always hitting on me) and have no "future" in singing other than what I can make for myself (this does not mean that I will not keep singing better, just that other people's interest will not be there), so I will be pushed farther and farther into the background.

It makes me sad that there is nothing for us - people who discovered our passion for singing later in life and want to perform.  I am not asking to be paid.  I am only asking to be given a chance based on my own merits, not my resume or what people think my "future" might be.  The professionals snatch up everything and use these no pay groups, even the pay-to-sings, as places to test drive roles.  So they basically encroach on every sphere, no matter how humble. I was told, in fact, that people might come from as far afield as Chicago to read through one of these operas for a fee.

Well, the woman I sang for was very nice.  She might find something for me.  I said I was not interested in singing a comprimaria role (unless it was for money).  I would rather sing two arias or art songs in a studio recital and get my share of the applause and the attention.

So now I have to ward off postpartum depression again.

It's so bittersweet.  I keep singing better but the older I get the less "marketable" I am.  Not because of my looks (if nothing else I have a better figure than a lot of 35 year olds) but because of how my "future" is perceived.

So OK, as for what I think about my future:

1. I bought two aria books: one of Handel opera arias and the other of Vivaldi opera arias (I have fallen in love with the little snippets of Vivaldi's Orlando Furioso that I have heard).
2. I am going to order the piano/vocal score of Verdi's "Ave Maria with Strings," which was written for a mezzo.  I will see if something can be excerpted for Magnificat Sunday.
3. I will keep working on Amneris, including the dreaded scene with the two high B flats.
4. I will plan something and come up with a better marketing plan than whatever the one was that I used for Carmen.