Erfreute Zeit!

Yesterday morning I sang one of my all-time favorite church solos: the Bach alto cantata "Erfreute Zeit" (loosely translated as "A Happy Time").

I love singing this piece for a variety of reasons.  First, it has a virtuoso violin accompaniment and is, in fact, more of a duet for voice and violin than a solo.  I sang it in the summer of 2011, sans violinist, because that was the summer that my beloved violinist friend began his rapid decline (he was 88) and was no longer able to see the music (or remember it from one day to the next).  Second, it is an object lesson in the fact that you don't have to have a high voice to sing something flashy (something that triggers a gut level "wow"! reaction from listeners).  (Here is a link to the version by Angelika Kirchschlager.)http://youtu.be/Dpj5N9lTnHM  Finally, I love the piece because it is happy.

I had a really happy day yesterday.  It is the kind of day I wish I could have more of.  Singing, in a situation where I don't feel I'm competing with anyone, and in which, in that moment, I can excel on my own merits.  Getting acknowledgment (I got compliments, Facebook posts, and even applause, which is almost unheard of for a church anthem.)  And then, when my inner diva is satisfied, enjoying other people for their gifts and their friendship, and letting the day wind down by doing something cozy with my SO, or even at home in my bed with my little Siamese cat (yesterday I did both).

I find these moments of happiness very hard to come by (the glorious ones, not the quiet ones; the latter for me are much easier to find).  So should I be damned for this?

After the suicide of Robin Williams there has been a lot of talk about depression.  People, at least in the circles in which I move, understand depression the way they understand cancer or diabetes.  Unfortunately, according to both my therapist and on online screening test, I am not depressed, so people write me off as having a bad attitude.  I don't think that is true either.  I think (this was a term my therapist used) I am suffering from "affluenza", in other words, as I wrote here I am in a "toxic environment".

So I need a way to find more "Erfreute Zeit" moments.

On September 11 I will be singing Handel's "O Had I Jubal's Lyre".  That can be one of them.  And then there will probably be a Christmas concert.