This year Holy Week was a bit of an anticlimax after last year's triumph. We sang the Faure Requiem, which is a gorgeous piece of music, but is rather light, not to mention that there were no solos other than the "Pie Jesu" which we didn't do. There also were a lot of sopranos in the choir - trained singers who are members of the congregation but don't want the weekly commitment of singing with the choir.
I sang "Fac ut Portem" from the Rossini Stabat Mater in the 3 pm Spanish Service on Good Friday. I got a lot of compliments. I felt that I sang well because I sang full voice instead of trying to sound like a light soprano, which is what I have always tried to do when singing anything with the choir director, even solos, because that is the kind of sound he likes.
In the evening I sang the Requiem with the choir. I got there late because I had gone home in between. I was only 5 minutes late, but was the next to the last person to arrive, so he had already lined up the light sopranos in the front row. He asked me to stand in the back (next to a woman who has had trouble learning the music) which was no big deal really.
Despite all this, the work is beautiful, and we did a good job with it, and the church was packed.
When I got there Easter Sunday I was dreading having to sing the soprano part in the Hallelujah Chorus (one of the least vocally friendly things I have had to sing - ever). One of the light sopranos from Friday night was there and she said she was hoarse, and went up to the choir director and apologized that she might not be able to sing (the anthem we were singing was also rather high) so I told him I had warmed up to a high B (in preparation for the A in the Hallelujah Chorus) and his response was very strange; he told me maybe I would rather sing the alto part in a few measures of the anthem that had a high G in it. Probably it was just as well, in that having to sing two high pieces was not the greatest thing for me as a mezzo, but it upset me because it made me feel that he mostly just sees me as having this big oafish ugly voice that is a "nuisance" and that I really "can't" sing certain notes which is simply not true certainly now with all the work I've done extending my voice up to a high C sharp. So this feeds into my low self-esteem and self-doubt and really is not helpful.
This had a funny result, though, in that I was so angry I wailed out the soprano part in "Hallelujah" complete with the high A and singing full voice on the F and G in "King of Kings" (which is manageable if I sing full voice).
After the service the Director of Music (who had been playing the organ) came up and gave me a hug and thanked me for everything I had done that week, so that made me feel better. All I really want is to be appreciated for the assets I have, rather than being snubbed because of what I am not (a light soprano with a "pretty" voice).
Anyhow, now it's a new day, so I will go back to working on Carmen and also on "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" which I will be singing this coming Sunday.
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