Turnaround

I hadn't expected to post again today but as I've shared a lot of angst, I want to share something nice.

This afternoon I got an email from someone from the cast of Carmelites saying she was sorry I had left and that people had talked about what a nice lady and lovely singer (italics mine) I was. I was stunned, and it made me want to cry.

I just think so little of myself (not of my voice itself, but of how I measure up holistically against other singers in a broad range of areas)that hearing something like this really blew me away.

I wrote back to her and explained why I left, that I simply was not up for feeling humiliated in front of a roomful of people less than half my age. It would have been different if I had been getting paid, had a large role, if everyone in the cast was subjected to the same treatment, if it had involved less of a time commitment...

In any event apparently this was just the push I needed to make me really feel like a singer again and this afternoon I sang through some Amneris excerpts and really sounded good. Those new exercises have made an enormous difference. Even the treacherous ascending phrase in the duet with Radames (which I still use as an exercise, and as a benchmark of how comfortable my voice is in that range) sounded glorious. I don't think I've ever sung a B flat like that. Now if I can just hang onto this new sound, and get my courage back up to look for something to do...