Boot Camp Review

Reading this post I was reminded that I haven't posted anything since getting through my first week without my beloved big macho tabby cat, and surviving the brouhaha surrounding the hurricane.

Despite grieving over my cat, and being furious beyond words with my partner (one of the social workers involved with her case, who happens to be a big tall gay man, offered to help her around the house to get ready for the hurricane and she said no thank you because I was there and could help her instead), I actually did better than I had the week before and would give myself a grade of "B".

I finally figured out something to do that might help me with that bloody B flat (and I have also decided if it sounds horrible and everything else in the scene sounds good, I can be proud of myself - although I will do everything in my power not to let that happen) and got a lot of ideas from listening to the greatest singer in my fach, Dolora Zajick sing the role of Azucena on a tv broacast. Her voice is different from mine in that it gets lighter as she goes higher, but, for example, I noticed that she does not take a breath before the word "brucciato" and saves her energy for the B flat, although my teacher said, if he had any criticism of her, it would be the note sounded too "pretty", which isn't how it's supposed to sound.

I still sound better if I start the aria in the middle, so I need to trick myself into thinking I'm starting from scratch when I get to "La mano convulsa". I have about four measures to recoup, so the choice is mine: I can either use that time to panic or to calm down and regroup.

Of course because of helping my partner prepare for the hurricane (I had nothing to do at my end, really) I didn't sing for about three days in the past week, so that meant I had 3-4 solid practice hours, and then yesterday I had a lesson.

I will give myself points for the fact that on one of the days I didn't sing I went through the score of Trovatore and spoke through the words in the scene and I also reviewed the scene silently when I was on public transport going back and forth to my lesson. I can get a fair amount done then.

Thursday is September 1, so the countdown to this little concert begins and I have administrative work to do.

Sunday was the day I was scheduled to sing the alto solo from Bach cantata 83 "Erfreute Zeit" at the church service but I haven't heard from the choir director. I hope he's not stranded somewhere. Needless to say we missed the planned rehearsal last Sunday.

And looking toward the long term, unless this concert is a complete disaster (can't imagine it would be - other than the dreaded high note I sing the material I'm doing very well) I will start seeing what I can do about this Verdi Requiem I've been talking about.

Sad News and a Day Off

Yesterday, during a routine vet visit, my beloved 13 year old cat Branwell Bronte, died (apparently of a heart attack).

I am still in shock and very sad. I had gotten Branwell from a shelter as company for my tiny Siamese Charlotte Bronte.

As years went by he did not get along with my tiny miniature wire dachshund Chester

and finally they had a showdown in which Chester was the loser and had to have stitches.

So I sent Chester to live with my partner. They bonded together like glue, and I know one of the reasons she is dragging her feet about moving into assisted living is that she wouldn't want to take Chester with her (you are allowed to have a pet there - a cat or small dog - but Chester is old and cranky and might bite someone). Now the coast is clear - Chester and Charlotte love each other and so I could bring him home, and get my partner her own cat once she settles in.

Yesterday I was sad and in shock, but as I have no paid leave, I had to get back to my laptop and back to work.

I did however, take the day off from singing. To sing properly requires buoyant energy and I didn't have any.

I must sing today, though, so I can continue to overcome my terror of the B flat in "Condotta", polish the recits, and also work on a solo from a Bach cantata that I am singing in church on September 4.

It's funny, opera is my challege, because no matter how much I love it, and no matter how ideally my temperament and voice type are suited to it, I know that my extreme upper register, and my stamina, are both iffy. (Great if all the stars are in alignment, if not, not.)

But Bach is my joy. Pure joy. No high notes to scare me, and lots of runs, trills, and ornaments, which, for me, for some reason, come so easily and naturally, that I just enjoy myself. I never run out of breath, apparently, and can sing every note without fudging.

I was reading an article about Anna Netrebko in which she is quoted as saying that she sings Mozart and Handel to massage her voice after singing too much Puccini. I suppose I do the same thing with Bach, although I never would have thought of it that way. Maybe that's why my voice sounds young and fresh, even at 61 (if I stay away from the extreme top and bottom) and stays agile. And like all choir singers, I have always had perfect intonation.

Today I plan to work until about 4 or 4:30, then practice, and then settle down, score in hand, and listen to the greatest singer in my fach, Dolora Zajick sing Azucena. I hope I can learn something. I saw her in the role live, but there's nothing like being so close I can watch her breathe.

Have Fun!

Today I had a voice lesson. When I got there, my teacher said he had made up binders for our concert, with the music in order.

We will be singing:

Aida trio (all three of us)
"O Patria Mia" (soprano)
Trovatore scene beginning after the "Anvil Chorus" and going through to the end of the scene (me and my teacher)

Intermission

Otello duet (my teacher and soprano)
Aida/Amneris duet (me and soprano)
Aida final trio (all three of us)

Possibly "Libiamo" from Traviata as an encore (I would sing Flora/the chorus part)

So anyhow, this means it's serious. No wimping out now!

At today's lesson I told my teacher I felt better about the section with the B flat if I didn't come down like a ton of bricks on the A. So he had me sing from "la mano convulsa stenda" to the end of the scene. The B flat sounded OK except I came in early because I was nervous. Everything else sounded great and I remembered all my notes and words (I was looking at the score, but nonetheless, it's still easy to get some words mixed up, particularly pronouns!)

Then we did the Aida/Amneris duet (I mean I sang my part!) and he said I sounded like a real dramatic mezzo, not being afraid to sing with power, and that that is how I should sing all the time. He said I should have fun!!! with the whole thing. He said if I sing "Condotta" with that level of energy, with a big dark sound, whether I sing the B flat well or not, I will give a good performance. He said I would have fewer vocal problems if I didn't try to "save" my voice by pussyfooting around. If I do that things are out of balance and then I don't have the energy I need.

So in addition to my affirmations, I need to tell myself "have fun!" before I start singing, instead of having this nervous nellie feeling which I don't think does my singing any good.

Then we had some laughs when I said Amneris is a young girl (well, yes, if she's not married she can't be more than about 15) and he said "well, think of some of these young girls you see nowadays with loud voices and big boobs!"

Anyhow, so I hope I can carry that spirit (I mean the "having fun" spirit) forward and stop being nervous.

I will see what tomorrow's practice brings and Thursday, Trovatore is going to be on tv. I told my partner that I was singing a scene from that in the concert (she is beginning to give me less of a hard time over that - I think it's borne in on her that I'm not playing any seduction scenes this time so she's less angry).

G'Bless the T Storm

For self-honesty and inspiration, no one beats this glorious mezzo. I was about to write a recap of how I did today and realized that I should give myself a grade for how I've done so far. (She said a week but I don't think it's been that long for me.)

I would give myself a grade of C plus, but with some slack for mitigating circumstances. Just when I was seriously trying to address myself to singing, I had to deal with a crisis with my partner and the ensuing endless conversations (some in person, some on the phone, some over email) with social service agencies. Not much has come of it, but she is feeling better and I just have to detach.

I was not able to practice every day. Tuesday I had a (less than wonderful) voice lesson, Wednesday I had two long conversations with social workers and decided to pass on practicing, Thursday I had a struggle with the bloody B flat again, Friday I had therapy and went to stay with my partner and Saturday I was at her house all day doing chores. Which brings us to today.

As a result of endless mental exploration, and some conversations I have had online with other singers (at least thanks to this blog there are a few who take me seriously whether or not I have been to a conservatory, know how to number the notes in a scale, or have sung/will ever sing anywhere for money)I think the problem with that passage is I have been making too much of a deal out of that high A. An A is a natural climax note for me and my best arias and scenes always have one that I can showcase (e.g., "Acerba Volutta" from Adriana Lecouvreur and the Judgment Scene from Aida). But if I have to sing a B flat a few seconds later, I have to just toss that phrase away. Save the big breath/support setup for the B flat, don't waste it on the A.

So this evening I sang the section by itself (check). Then I went back to sing the whole aria from the beginning (not good, the note came out as a scream probably because I panicked - this is very hard for me not to do) but I hung onto the sucker and if this happened in a performance I would - I hope - just move on to the next thing. I sing the rest of the scene very well.

To continue with today's check-in, after that fiasco I went back to the section "la mano convulsa stenda", which leads into the first high A on "Mi vendica" and got through to the section with the B flat. I may have taken too long right before, but it sounded fantastic. And I think I have a gesture to go with it that will help me. Then I moved onto the rest of the scene that went like a house afire (bad analogy considering the subject matter) and then moved on to the Aida trio. I now can sing that (the recording I have, with Callas and Simionato, takes the tempo awfully fast) with all the rapid fire words. Then I had a gilled salmon sandwich. When I'm done writing this I am going to move on to the Aida/Amneris duet which I love!!!!! I get to chew up the scenery and sing two big climaxes on A flats, which are easy peasy.

Something that needs to go on the agenda (good for a day when I don't want to sing, during tv commercials at night, or what you will) is speaking the words to that Trovatore scene. If I get tongue-tied with the Italian (even in the aria there are words/phrases I get mixed up) that can derail me. We are going to use books on music stands, but particularly for a difficult aria, I need to have every word memorized so I can focus on other things. I already know the Aida scenes by heart, words and all, because I have been imagining myself singing Amneris since I was about 25 (but didn't tackle her until I was 59).

Oh, and as for the title of this post? It's only thanks to the T storm that I had this day at home to practice - and work. I've gotten behind with my work-for-pay also because of all the time I've spent with social services.

Of Boot Camp, (Somewhat) Boring Lists, and the Blahs

The idea of "Boot Camp" was one I encountered in my pseudonymous blogging community. It was there that I met "real" singers, meaning working singers. They didn't necessarily earn their entire living from singing, but when they sang they got paid and when they auditioned somewhere people took them seriously. Not to mention that when they wrote about singing people respected them. This was a huge wake-up call to me, because it put my past as a singer in perspective (a very tiny perspective). Having sung the role of Laura in La Gioconda at 30 in an opera house the size of a postage stamp with a piano, sets that were falling down, and a costume that didn't fit was my idea of stardom but in that company (meaning the company of the real singers in the blogging community) it wasn't. So I ended up feeling very very very very small. There were the singers coming to New York for auditions, knowing that I lived two blocks from Lincoln Center and never acknowledging me when I gave them a shout out, for starters. Some of them I "unfriended", one "unfriended" me when I wrote something peevish. In any event, one of the pseudonymous bloggers has set up a well-respected blog under her own name, and even though it is primarily about weight loss, she is a "real" singer, so I can get vicarious pleasure from reading it. In any event, she reintroduced the subject of "boot camp"(mainly a way for working opera singers to focus on diet and fitness with a nod to a few other things)so as I am now a bone fide commenter (in this blogging community and hers people can't be friended and unfriended) I decided to sign on.

This is what I committed to:

To continue seriously working to fulfill my dream of being part of a quartet of serious amateur opera singers over 50 and book engagements for us.
1. Spend five hours a week (one hour a day five days a week) working on the scenes from Aida and Trovatore that I'm singing in our first concert.
2. Find a way to overcome the unGodly terror I have always had of singing above A natural (use any and all tricks, images, techniques, etc.)
3. (This one I got from you) Write down an affirmation and read it before I start practicing.
4. Have a plan for our next project ready when the concert is over. (Maybe the long dreamed-of abridged Verdi Requiem during next year's Lent at the church where I'm a soloist).
5. Follow up on the offer I got from several people to subsidize my making a CD to sell at the church.
6. Ignore all flak I get at home about these projects. Don't argue, just be calm and assertive.

Things have not been going as well as I had hoped. Yesterday I didn't sing at all because I had two long meetings with social workers and by the time I got home I had work to catch up on and by the time I was done with that it was 7:30 and I knew I would just be too tired to sing properly.

Last night I had a good night's sleep, woke up and worked from 9 to 4:30, as I'd promised myself, then hit the bathroom, my practice room, where I dampen the sound by running the water (ducks flying objects thrown by environmentalists). Vocalizing went well. I seem now to be able to sing long arpeggios up to a high C (of course like everything else to do with my extreme upper register, this has been touch and go for six years) but "Condotta" didn't go so well. I sang some decent B flats if I started in the middle, but not when I started at the beginning. I just don't know how to ground myself between the word "brucciato" on the high A, and what comes next, which can either be an A sliding to a B flat or a B flat. I gulp for air, gasp for breath, panic, don't breathe, turn into a wooden plank, etc. etc. Why I don't have that problem when I start in the middle I have no idea.

Well, I broke my first promise to myself in that I didn't practice for an hour. After singing that section about seven times, I decided my voice needed a rest. Then I had dinner (I ate rice with lunch and dinner....did that sap my energy?) and hoped to at least get to the Aida trio (in a comfortable middle register) but felt it was more important to do some more work. (I have spent so much time talking to social workers this week I have not worked the hours I need to to pay my bills.)

I did read my affirmation. I thought I had lost it, but found it taped inside my score of Samson et Dalila (another opera I sang really well with a B flat that gave me the cold sweats for months although I managed it in the performance).

Here's what it says, for what it's worth.

I have everything I need to succeed.
I deserve success.
I am at my best when I am calm.
I am poised and powerful, centered and secure, confident and in control.
I am graceful under pressure.
I have what it takes!


So what's the matter with me!!! I know all these things are true but they're not there when I need them. Or maybe they will be, if I can take the week off before my concert. Not off from my livelihood - that's nice and quiet and calm. But off from the stress of my partner's endless emergencies. I'm just waiting for her to have one that week. She's probably saving one up.

One Step Back and....Follies

The reason I am sitting here writing this late at night is that I just got home from Follies. A friend had sold me her ticket at half price because she was going to be out of town.

I don't plan to recap everything about the show here, you can read about this production here.

It had many luminous stars, including Bernadette Peters, who is a year older than I am and looks and sounds luscious (and in this production she actually sings up in an operatic range - something I had never heard her do before).

For me, of course, the star of the evening was Rosalind Elias. She is 82 and her voice is still velvety, luscious, and fresh. I don't know how high she sang - maybe up to an F or F sharp, but if she is sounding like that at her age, I should certainly be able to sing the material I am singing for at least another decade if not longer. And interestingly, her number (a duet with her younger self, sung by a young lyric soprano) got the most applause of any in the show.

As for the "one step back", at today's lesson I had a bear of a time with that bloody B flat in "Condotta" again. I have no trouble singing it if I just sing the five measures before, but singing from the beginning I get there, sound great on the A, and then just panic, gasp for breath, and scream. My teacher will be singing it with me as a duet, and he said just to sing the A with him on "Quale Orror" and if I can scoop up a teensy bit to the B flat, do that, and then it won't be hard. Everything else I'm singing in that program is easy and fun.

I am feeling bummed out because it's very unusual to sound worse in a lesson than I did practicing at home (yesterday I didn't sound great, but I thought I sounded better than I did today). (Although I sang long arpeggios up to a full voice high C, something I can't seem to do at home.)

I should add here that I have been having a very, very, very hard time with personal things over the past few days. My partner, who is 15 years older than I am (we are really in some ways separated - we don't live together) and in poor health is more and more unable to take care of herself. I am now involved with three social service agencies trying to set something up - either get her into assisted living or have an aide in the house, but she is balking at everything. I am very drained and have spent a lot of time on the phone (and my speaking voice is a disaster - I have never been able to place it properly particularly when I'm upset).

So now I am going to bed. One wonderful thing about being a freelancer is that I don't have to set the alarm most of the time, except on Sunday when I sing in church.

I am getting up in the morning, talking to one social worker on the phone, working (I earn my living editing medical journals), going to see another social worker, and then coming home to practice. I am going to read an affirmation that I printed out (I will have to look for it!) and then go back to "Condotta" and try to sing through it without panicking at the dreaded spot like a horse balking at a fence.

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

As I have mentioned before, my dream is being able to sing this aria. I have never dared, because it has an exposed high C flat. By "exposed" I mean you have to hit it off the cuff, with no note preceding. I find that the most difficult thing to do. The highest note I ever really would want to do that in public on is an A. When I sang Dalila, there is a B flat like that at the end of Act 2 (after she sings for 45 minutes in a low-ish tessitura) on the word "Lache" with the syllable "La" square on the B flat. Well, after several months of trying to do this it was touch and go so I decided to sing or hum the note an octave lower first, and then slide up (which, actually is what Elena Obraztsova does on the recording).

Likewise with "Condotta". I now have a way of singing that high B flat, by singing the A with the tenor first, then sliding up. This makes it much easier.

I had often thought I might take a crack at "O Don Fatale", but thought I would only have a prayer of reaching that C flat if I attached it to the previous note, singing "O mio belta-a" "ti maledico" instead of "O mio belta." "A ti maledico". But then I thought, no, that was cheating.

Well, lo and behold, here is a mezzo (new to me - her name is Biserka Cvejic) singing the aria gloriously and doing that very same "cheat".

In other news, the Trovatore scene is going like a house afire. I haven't had any more disasters with the B flat and sometimes it sounds quite good.

I think the lifted ribcage really seems to help. Also sometimes I exhale between phrases as I'm approaching that measure, if I find myself getting nervous. That keeps my breath from doing what Deborah Voigt called "stacking".

And I'm having a ball with the Aida/Amneris duet. I will sing that on the second half of the program (I know, we're doing the trio first, then an aria for the soprano, then the Trovatore, which seems a bit out of sequence)so I can relax. I just have to be careful not to scream and bellow my way through it.