A Wise Man Speaks

Today I had a voice lesson after not having had one for about three weeks. My lesson is always an hour of singing and a half hour of talking about what's going on with me in my life as a singer.

My teacher pried out of me all the negative emotions I had been feeling about the issue of these meetups, etc. and he told me a number of things that were either confidence-boosting or illuminating in some way.

First, we had our last (I think) rehash of the concert. He said overall I did very well, despite a few shrill notes. That both of the people I sang with would be happy to sing with me again, and that they would not have felt that if I hadn't done a decent job. He said I sang much better than I had at the two big performances he had heard: Samson et Dalila and the concert the year before at the other Lutheran church.

Then he said a few things about the issue of the meetups and my not connecting with anyone.

First, he said that "in the world" (he said his wife had mentioned this) older women are "invisible". Yes, I have been aware of that for a long time which is something I have tried to explain to some younger female friends, most notably (OK readers, don't get into a feminist frenzy) that "sexual harrassment" is mainly a younger woman's issue. If you're over 40, even if you've got a body to die for, nobody gives a flying fig.

Then he also said that in the world of performing, older men are also invisible.

He said that many people at these things may think that the vocal flaws that I still have are a result of age-related decline. Now both he and I know that the opposite is true - they are there because I haven't fine-tuned my instrument enough yet. But that if people think I'm going "downhill" because I'm older this will scare them.

He also said (I thought this was a bit harsh) that if people are going to these sorts of things they are not happy with where they are, or they would be rehearsing for real gigs, not singing at meetups. (That was what I had thought originally, which is why I was very surprised at the level of most of the people there. It also bears out what I had written about earlier that there are hordes of singers as good as most of the pros with noplace to sing.)

In any event, he said I should focus on whatever I'm planning next,not singing at these groups if doing that wasn't helping me develop more confidence.

I think what I want to do (and I am still going to post a notice of some sort), rather than starting my own meetup or looking for a large group of people more demographically like me, simply to try to find even one older singer who was a late starter, who will go to one of the existing meetups with me. So then as I said to someone we can be each other's cheering section and if we don't "matter" to anyone else who's there, we will matter to each other and will be less nervous.

And I shouldn't forget to add on the singing front, that at my lesson I ran through two arias I hadn't sung in over a year: Dalila's "Amour Viens Aider" and "O Mio Fernando" from La Favorita and my teacher said I sounded like a completely different person from last year.