I have waited about 24 hours to make this post, and am still not sure what I want to say. Only that having the whole subject of same sex marriage in the news constantly has made me extremely depressed.
Lest you think I'm an extreme right winger, I will say right off the bat that I am not. I think it's great that people can marry whomever they want. And no I don't think allowing same sex marriage will undermine heterosexual marriage. What I do think is that allowing same sex marriage will force many same sex couples to re-evaluate their current relationships.
One of the wonderful things about so many same sex relationships (and probably a lot of opposite sex ones, too) is that they don't fit into a particular mold. Many many gay women, for example, continue to have an ex-lover or ex-partner as a "significant other". And gay women (and men too, often) are more likely than opposite sex partners to have an ex-lover as a close friend. I have known a few heterosexual women who did this. One was divorced by her husband because she didn't want to be an obedient little stay at home wife any more making dinner, but went to college at night instead. A few years later, after legally divorcing him, she became re-involved with her ex-husband, including having sex, but without the ties. They did not live together and it was off limits for him to tell her what to do with her time and money. The other stayed legally married to a husband who was chronically unemployed and chronically ill, but had lovers and often traveled alone, with a lover, or with a friend. She continued to financially support her husband in a house she had bought for the family because she decided it was cheaper than paying alimony.
Even if my partner and I were still a couple in the traditional sense, I can't imagine wanting to marry her. Like many men who have never had, shall we say, a "friendly relationship" with paid employment, she is not "marriageable". If we married the advantages would all be on her side, basically. Although really not. I am 15 years younger, so it really would do her no good to be able to collect my Social Security (which will be twice what she collects) because unless I get shot or run over by a bus, or have a fast growing type of cancer, I will probably outlive her.
So really there would be nothing in it for us. Which is about the national norm. There have been numerous magazine and newspaper articles (too numerous to try to link to here) about how lower income people are less likely to marry and less likely to stay married. Marriage is, after all, primarily an economic arrangement. If you want to have children, it is about making a family, but even then in many ways it is an economic arrangement. It is also an economic arrangement set up to benefit couples where there is an older, richer, partner who will probably die first,as the case that toppled DOMA bears out. The amount Edie Windsor paid in taxes is more than my entire net worth, and about 15 times my partner's. Lesbian solidarity aside, it is just hard for me to identify with that type of a problem. I have more identification with people who are worried that they will lose their food stamps because of the Sequester. My partner in fact is one of them.
So many things are whirling through my head. If I think of my partner and I as "spouses", I feel like a failure. I failed to "make a good marriage" as women, particularly women of my generation who got trapped in low-paying professions, were urged, if not by our own mothers, then by the larger culture, to do. I must not be an attractive woman if I ended up stuck as the household breadwinner for over 35 years.
When my partner and I were having a hard time (in fact we broke up, so in my mind if not in hers, she is an ex) I got a lot of help from a group called the Well Spouse which is for people whose spouses or partners are chronically ill. It helped me "reframe" my partner as, rather than a spouse, lover, or partner in the traditional sense, a beloved family member for whom I have promised to be responsible.
But I know, somewhere in her mind, are the what ifs. She is angry that I wouldn't even consider marriage, and no I wouldn't. So much as I think legalizing same sex marriage was the right thing to do, I would really rather be talking and thinking about something else.
I have said before, that I really don't want to marry anyone, the only exception being someone with a lot of money. Marrying rich is a win-win situation if you play your cards right. You get taken care of when you're married, and you get taken care of after your divorce.
If I don't think of my partner as a "spouse" I can feel good about being generous, rather than feeling like a patsy who has failed at the mating game.
So let's hope something else is in the news tomorrow and we can move on.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
A Winner
I should be working, or starting my practice, but I felt I had to make a post about the winner
aka Jamie Barton
who can be heard singing "Acerba Volutta" from Adriana Lecouvreur below
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01bssjb
This is an aria I have sung at auditions, thinking it was one of my best, and well, comparisons are odious.
This is greatness, which doesn't come along all that often.
Even more amazing, is her rendition of "O Mon Fernande," which you can hear here
If her rendition of "Acerba" blew me away (how can a voice be so big, so rich, and yet have so much lightness and spin to it?), her rendition of "O Mon Fernande" (which I have sung in the Italian version as "O Mio Fernando") made me want to crawl under the table. When she began, her voice was so dark, so big, and so weighty, that I just assumed she would end the aria with the standard A, which is what I do (likewise Denyce Graves). Well, after all that dark, lustrous singing, she just took off and sailed up to a light, effortless, for me, even 30 years ago, utterly unattainable High C.
A voice like this comes along once in a lifetime, if that. I have heard wonderful recordings of Giulietta Simionato, but it is a mix of exciting spine-tingling singing combined with some really ugly sounds. Those old Italian mezzos had a lot of what my teacher calls squillo in the voice, which, according to a real professional singer friend, has gone out of fashion these days.
So what went into making Jamie? For one thing, my hunch is that she has decided not to worry about her weight. The jury is still out as to whether excess weight is a health hazard (but not about whether eating junk food is a health hazard - it is), and being hungry all the time (which becomes a problem for each individual at a different weight)makes it impossible to have the stamina needed to support a big voice (or, really, to concentrate and focus on anything).
Next, she grew up in a rural area. I truly believe that growing up in the middle of New York is not an asset if you want to sing. The air is full of pollution (although there are places that are worse), and everyone screams at the top of their lungs down on their cords.
Other than that, I suppose, the kiss of the angels, hard work, and making the right connections.
I probably won't be singing "Acerba Volutta" for a long time, or "O Mio Fernando" either. For now, let me stick with Carmen.
In other news, here is a photo I took of myself outside my building in the "armpit of Lincoln Center" after a workout.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01bssjb
This is an aria I have sung at auditions, thinking it was one of my best, and well, comparisons are odious.
This is greatness, which doesn't come along all that often.
Even more amazing, is her rendition of "O Mon Fernande," which you can hear here
If her rendition of "Acerba" blew me away (how can a voice be so big, so rich, and yet have so much lightness and spin to it?), her rendition of "O Mon Fernande" (which I have sung in the Italian version as "O Mio Fernando") made me want to crawl under the table. When she began, her voice was so dark, so big, and so weighty, that I just assumed she would end the aria with the standard A, which is what I do (likewise Denyce Graves). Well, after all that dark, lustrous singing, she just took off and sailed up to a light, effortless, for me, even 30 years ago, utterly unattainable High C.
A voice like this comes along once in a lifetime, if that. I have heard wonderful recordings of Giulietta Simionato, but it is a mix of exciting spine-tingling singing combined with some really ugly sounds. Those old Italian mezzos had a lot of what my teacher calls squillo in the voice, which, according to a real professional singer friend, has gone out of fashion these days.
So what went into making Jamie? For one thing, my hunch is that she has decided not to worry about her weight. The jury is still out as to whether excess weight is a health hazard (but not about whether eating junk food is a health hazard - it is), and being hungry all the time (which becomes a problem for each individual at a different weight)makes it impossible to have the stamina needed to support a big voice (or, really, to concentrate and focus on anything).
Next, she grew up in a rural area. I truly believe that growing up in the middle of New York is not an asset if you want to sing. The air is full of pollution (although there are places that are worse), and everyone screams at the top of their lungs down on their cords.
Other than that, I suppose, the kiss of the angels, hard work, and making the right connections.
I probably won't be singing "Acerba Volutta" for a long time, or "O Mio Fernando" either. For now, let me stick with Carmen.
In other news, here is a photo I took of myself outside my building in the "armpit of Lincoln Center" after a workout.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Up Next
I have a few tidbits coming up, so I thought this would be a good time to document them.
I realize that as long as I have some solo singing on the horizon, no matter how humble, I feel more optimistic than when I don't. Choral singing is spiritually and musically nourishing, and the "fellowship" is very special (which is why I am still doing it), but it doesn't satisfy me where I live.
So, ok, what's next?
The woman from the publisher is still interested in my singing the "Habanera" in a bookstore (or several). I was worried that if she somehow either found this blog, or found me on Facebook, even a few small details, she would see how old I am and beg off. Well, apparently not. So that will be in August. I wonder what my SO will make of it? Will she disparage me for doing something I don't get paid for? Say something foul-minded about what I will be wearing and that I will be doing this to "display myself" immodestly? (One reason why I stopped defining myself as Lesbian - even though, other than the Mentor, most of my attractions are to women - is because I really can't stand the prudery and it is certainly rampant among the "woman identified woman" generation.) Well, really, what can she do about it? Say she will never speak to me again and lose her grocery shopper and laundress? Unlikely.
Next, the wonderful thing that happened as a result of this gig was that I revisited the score of Carmen and I have fallen in love with the role again. Initially, I had wanted to do a pocket version of the opera as a follow-up to Samson et Dalila, but many things intervened. I don't care for the big ensembles (listening to them, yes, singing them sandwiched in the middle of a quintet, no - I do enough of that in choir), and the multiple versions of the recitatives, but my teacher showed me how to excerpt a few of the duets, and I think they will be great. I was even pleasantly surprised at how I was able to manage something with that B at the end of the "Seguidilla". It is easier in the actual duet because you have a break between the bulk of the aria and that last bit. And if I am really worried, I can have that last page transposed down a half step, which would not be noticed by anyone who doesn't have perfect pitch, and is, in fact, what Grace Bumbry does on the recording. Then there's the sexy dance duet with the tenor's "Flower Song" in the middle. And lastly, the death scene, which of course is very dramatic. I sang through that at my lesson yesterday. My teacher said I had a lot of old bad habits in the "Seguidilla" (singing what he calls "shallowly" or "crooning") because I hadn't really sung it since I am using a more open position and more support. So he told me to sing through it on "aw" a few times and then try singing the words again.
He really likes the idea of my doing some excerpts from this as part of the concert, so I have decided now to scrap that difficult page from Werther. If I want to sing something from Werther I can do the "Letter Scene". And then maybe something from Samson et Dalila. Or maybe just the excerpts from Carmen and buddy up with someone who can do something else for the other half of the program.
I donated a small amount to the Spanish woman's campaign, which put me back in the frame for her, which was worth it, because she invited me to sing again in her September 11 concert. I may try to do some of the Jake Heggie songs. I have been working on "Primary Colors" (that would also be good for a church solo) and the second half of "More is Required" which is called "Love is". That might also be good for a church solo.
Also, now that I am on this woman's A list again, I will feel free to ask her if I can use the performance space in her building. I will also be open to her suggestions as to what to put on a concert program. Maybe she will sing something for the other half of the program (something Spanish, to pair with Carmen?)
Lastly, I am still playing tag with the choir director about a summer solo. The violinist will not be around much, so I may do the "Laudamus te" without him. Or there is another violinist I might ask, although I don't know if he can play Bach. I really want to do something upbeat, because during the regular season I can only sing slow quiet things for communion.
And next week is the writing class. It will be a challenge to find the right balance between writing my truth, and being careful about what I say in front of my choir colleagues, etc. I think most of the people in the class will be women around my age and I have varying levels of trust with regard to them. What I have to remember is, as with singing, if I want to be "somebody", not everyone is going to like me, and that's OK.
I realize that as long as I have some solo singing on the horizon, no matter how humble, I feel more optimistic than when I don't. Choral singing is spiritually and musically nourishing, and the "fellowship" is very special (which is why I am still doing it), but it doesn't satisfy me where I live.
So, ok, what's next?
The woman from the publisher is still interested in my singing the "Habanera" in a bookstore (or several). I was worried that if she somehow either found this blog, or found me on Facebook, even a few small details, she would see how old I am and beg off. Well, apparently not. So that will be in August. I wonder what my SO will make of it? Will she disparage me for doing something I don't get paid for? Say something foul-minded about what I will be wearing and that I will be doing this to "display myself" immodestly? (One reason why I stopped defining myself as Lesbian - even though, other than the Mentor, most of my attractions are to women - is because I really can't stand the prudery and it is certainly rampant among the "woman identified woman" generation.) Well, really, what can she do about it? Say she will never speak to me again and lose her grocery shopper and laundress? Unlikely.
Next, the wonderful thing that happened as a result of this gig was that I revisited the score of Carmen and I have fallen in love with the role again. Initially, I had wanted to do a pocket version of the opera as a follow-up to Samson et Dalila, but many things intervened. I don't care for the big ensembles (listening to them, yes, singing them sandwiched in the middle of a quintet, no - I do enough of that in choir), and the multiple versions of the recitatives, but my teacher showed me how to excerpt a few of the duets, and I think they will be great. I was even pleasantly surprised at how I was able to manage something with that B at the end of the "Seguidilla". It is easier in the actual duet because you have a break between the bulk of the aria and that last bit. And if I am really worried, I can have that last page transposed down a half step, which would not be noticed by anyone who doesn't have perfect pitch, and is, in fact, what Grace Bumbry does on the recording. Then there's the sexy dance duet with the tenor's "Flower Song" in the middle. And lastly, the death scene, which of course is very dramatic. I sang through that at my lesson yesterday. My teacher said I had a lot of old bad habits in the "Seguidilla" (singing what he calls "shallowly" or "crooning") because I hadn't really sung it since I am using a more open position and more support. So he told me to sing through it on "aw" a few times and then try singing the words again.
He really likes the idea of my doing some excerpts from this as part of the concert, so I have decided now to scrap that difficult page from Werther. If I want to sing something from Werther I can do the "Letter Scene". And then maybe something from Samson et Dalila. Or maybe just the excerpts from Carmen and buddy up with someone who can do something else for the other half of the program.
I donated a small amount to the Spanish woman's campaign, which put me back in the frame for her, which was worth it, because she invited me to sing again in her September 11 concert. I may try to do some of the Jake Heggie songs. I have been working on "Primary Colors" (that would also be good for a church solo) and the second half of "More is Required" which is called "Love is". That might also be good for a church solo.
Also, now that I am on this woman's A list again, I will feel free to ask her if I can use the performance space in her building. I will also be open to her suggestions as to what to put on a concert program. Maybe she will sing something for the other half of the program (something Spanish, to pair with Carmen?)
Lastly, I am still playing tag with the choir director about a summer solo. The violinist will not be around much, so I may do the "Laudamus te" without him. Or there is another violinist I might ask, although I don't know if he can play Bach. I really want to do something upbeat, because during the regular season I can only sing slow quiet things for communion.
And next week is the writing class. It will be a challenge to find the right balance between writing my truth, and being careful about what I say in front of my choir colleagues, etc. I think most of the people in the class will be women around my age and I have varying levels of trust with regard to them. What I have to remember is, as with singing, if I want to be "somebody", not everyone is going to like me, and that's OK.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Divas in High Dudgeon
My mother was always angry. Or she used the language of anger to feel important. I knew people in offices who were like that too. Their favorite thing to do was to have bitchfests about the stupidity and cluelessness of other people. What a waste of energy.
What's interesting, is that whereas I could see how pathetic these office kvetches were, if the people in high dudgeon are singers or voice teachers doing this on Facebook or other online forums, I cower.
I always worry that I am one of these stupid clueless people that they are talking about. I can think, in fact, of one or two of these people who said a few helpful things to me, or even the odd friendly thing, and have now dropped me. Was I too stupid and clueless for them?
The main issue here is: why should I care?
These people remind me of some of the Queen Bee types in school cliques who trash talk their "inferiors" and then have a whole coterie of "yes girls" who respond with in jokes. Some of that persists into adulthood, although usually there is less of it, at least among people who are satisfied with their own lives.
Interesingly, in real life, these types seem easier to ignore. Now that the only "group" I belong to is at a church, that sort of behavior just doesn't happen, because people are always taking their own spiritual temperature. Which is one of the reasons I feel happy there for the most part, even if I am not 100% on board with some of the theology. Where the phenomenon seems the most pervasive, is online. To me, the problem online isn't just the trolls, it's the self-designated police.
Now just to be clear, I am someone with a bad temper. Just ask my partner. But I don't get angry at people who ask me for advice or suggestions or help. First of all, I'm extremely flattered if anyone asks me for advice, suggestions, or help, even if they appear ignorant or clueless. If I think a boundary has been crossed, I just say no and move on. If I don't want to waste time doing something I shouldn't have been asked to do (like read a "mentee's" copyediting test before she submitted it to a client), I certainly don't want to waste more time bitching about it, not to mention that people in the circles I move are not going to post funny "you go girl!" type responses. They are more likely to gently tell me to "chill out", or that life is too short to dwell on the negative.
This year my New Year's resolution was to nurture my self-esteem. This does not mean being delusional or unaware of what I need to work on (musically, spiritually, or otherwise). It means steering clear of people who insult me either directly, or by inference. Unless such a person is paying me to do a job, why do I need their approval? I also need to let go of thinking that these people's bitchfests make them special.
Rather ironically, I realize I am being as opaque as they are, describing a type of person of whom I don't approve (or would like not to approve of) in general enough terms that someone might wonder if I am talking about them. (On the other hand, those people wouldn't be caught dead reading this, so I needn't worry.)
What's interesting, is that whereas I could see how pathetic these office kvetches were, if the people in high dudgeon are singers or voice teachers doing this on Facebook or other online forums, I cower.
I always worry that I am one of these stupid clueless people that they are talking about. I can think, in fact, of one or two of these people who said a few helpful things to me, or even the odd friendly thing, and have now dropped me. Was I too stupid and clueless for them?
The main issue here is: why should I care?
These people remind me of some of the Queen Bee types in school cliques who trash talk their "inferiors" and then have a whole coterie of "yes girls" who respond with in jokes. Some of that persists into adulthood, although usually there is less of it, at least among people who are satisfied with their own lives.
Interesingly, in real life, these types seem easier to ignore. Now that the only "group" I belong to is at a church, that sort of behavior just doesn't happen, because people are always taking their own spiritual temperature. Which is one of the reasons I feel happy there for the most part, even if I am not 100% on board with some of the theology. Where the phenomenon seems the most pervasive, is online. To me, the problem online isn't just the trolls, it's the self-designated police.
Now just to be clear, I am someone with a bad temper. Just ask my partner. But I don't get angry at people who ask me for advice or suggestions or help. First of all, I'm extremely flattered if anyone asks me for advice, suggestions, or help, even if they appear ignorant or clueless. If I think a boundary has been crossed, I just say no and move on. If I don't want to waste time doing something I shouldn't have been asked to do (like read a "mentee's" copyediting test before she submitted it to a client), I certainly don't want to waste more time bitching about it, not to mention that people in the circles I move are not going to post funny "you go girl!" type responses. They are more likely to gently tell me to "chill out", or that life is too short to dwell on the negative.
This year my New Year's resolution was to nurture my self-esteem. This does not mean being delusional or unaware of what I need to work on (musically, spiritually, or otherwise). It means steering clear of people who insult me either directly, or by inference. Unless such a person is paying me to do a job, why do I need their approval? I also need to let go of thinking that these people's bitchfests make them special.
Rather ironically, I realize I am being as opaque as they are, describing a type of person of whom I don't approve (or would like not to approve of) in general enough terms that someone might wonder if I am talking about them. (On the other hand, those people wouldn't be caught dead reading this, so I needn't worry.)
Monday, June 10, 2013
A Bit of Fun - Maybe, and Why I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with the "Forum"
I have gone back to browsing the The Forum when I am bored and need a break, and there is nothing new on Facebook.
It is a mixed blessing. There are always useful things there, but there is also a lot of "attitude", which I don't like. The "attitude" IMHO is the amount of malice that so many of these people have toward the ignorant, the misguided, the slightly delusional, and (the worst of the worst offenders) people who sing for free and who are happy when they see an opportunity to sing somewhere for free that for once, won't be overrun with overqualified singers.
I think it's fine for established professional singers not to want to sing for free, even to be insulted if someone who knows them wants them to sing for free. (Although IMHO being insulted is really a waste of energy.)
I know voluntarism (known colloquially as "volunteerism" - I worked at a nonprofit long enough to know that the latter was a malapropism, like "irregardless") has a long and chequered history. For example the Museum of Modern Art probably shouldn't use volunteers to staff the various reception areas: they can certainly afford to hire paid staff. On the other hand, I knew a woman with a history of mental illness who worked at one of those volunteer "jobs" for years. Would they have hired her to work for pay if she had had to undergo a rigorous screening process? Probably not. Did she do a good enough job? Absolutely.
I know there are things I have been asked to do for free that I have actively not wanted to do, mostly because they were too much like what I do for a living that I simply didn't want to use my pittance of discretionary time doing them (I can remember being asked, for example, to read and critique the manuscript of a friend's son's novel and saying that if I did that I would expect to be paid, sorry.) On the other hand I wasn't angry that this particular friend asked me. Nor did I feel that it impugned my professional integrity. I simply felt that I spend enough time looking critically at the written word and I need to spend my free time doing something else. End of story. Not worthy of a rant either in person or online.
I sing for free because I love to sing, and I know that living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, I am not good enough to sing for pay. Should I stop singing, then? Should people stop providing opportunities for people to sing for free because there are professional singers who don't want them? And as I've said before, there is a humongous amount of hypocrisy here. A lot of the "average Forum type" singers (whom I would loosely describe as people with conservatory degrees who sing and act as well as highly paid professionals but just aren't getting work and are angry about it) show up and audition for these no pay groups, which is why amateurs like me can't get our feet in the door.
So, OK, I have stopped looking for these opportunities.
Well, today on the Forum I found something tailor made for me, I think. A woman posted that she wanted someone to sing "something from Carmen" in a bookstore as a tie in with the publication of a new edition of Prosper Merimee's The Loves of Carmen. When I fall prey to my recent yearnings to live in a small town, this is exactly the kind of thing I could imagine myself doing. Nice and small scale. People wanting to buy a copy of this book wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and one of the emerging pros (or even the unemployed pros) who posts things on the Forum, certainly not singing in the limited range of the "Habanera". And we could all have a lot of fun.
So I called the woman who made the post and we talked. I hope I get to do it. I can wear my costume and shake my booty, and sing something in a comfortable range and have a ball.
So I dusted off my score of Carmen. If this woman wants to hear something else I can sing the version of the "Seguidilla" that is in the score. I have given up trying to sing the version that is usually excerpted because I can't staccato up to a B natural; it just sounds like a bloodcurdling scream. But in the score the piece ends "J'irai chez mon ami Lillas Pastia" and the highest note I would have to sing is an F sharp. I sing both those pieces (if you exclude the B) extremely well. I have the perfect gutsy sound for it, and let's face it, scores of people have told me, even at one month shy of 63, that I am still dripping with sex appeal. And the costume is, well, if not X rated, certainly PG 13. Here's a picture. When it was taken I was 59 and I don't look much different.
It is a mixed blessing. There are always useful things there, but there is also a lot of "attitude", which I don't like. The "attitude" IMHO is the amount of malice that so many of these people have toward the ignorant, the misguided, the slightly delusional, and (the worst of the worst offenders) people who sing for free and who are happy when they see an opportunity to sing somewhere for free that for once, won't be overrun with overqualified singers.
I think it's fine for established professional singers not to want to sing for free, even to be insulted if someone who knows them wants them to sing for free. (Although IMHO being insulted is really a waste of energy.)
I know voluntarism (known colloquially as "volunteerism" - I worked at a nonprofit long enough to know that the latter was a malapropism, like "irregardless") has a long and chequered history. For example the Museum of Modern Art probably shouldn't use volunteers to staff the various reception areas: they can certainly afford to hire paid staff. On the other hand, I knew a woman with a history of mental illness who worked at one of those volunteer "jobs" for years. Would they have hired her to work for pay if she had had to undergo a rigorous screening process? Probably not. Did she do a good enough job? Absolutely.
I know there are things I have been asked to do for free that I have actively not wanted to do, mostly because they were too much like what I do for a living that I simply didn't want to use my pittance of discretionary time doing them (I can remember being asked, for example, to read and critique the manuscript of a friend's son's novel and saying that if I did that I would expect to be paid, sorry.) On the other hand I wasn't angry that this particular friend asked me. Nor did I feel that it impugned my professional integrity. I simply felt that I spend enough time looking critically at the written word and I need to spend my free time doing something else. End of story. Not worthy of a rant either in person or online.
I sing for free because I love to sing, and I know that living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, I am not good enough to sing for pay. Should I stop singing, then? Should people stop providing opportunities for people to sing for free because there are professional singers who don't want them? And as I've said before, there is a humongous amount of hypocrisy here. A lot of the "average Forum type" singers (whom I would loosely describe as people with conservatory degrees who sing and act as well as highly paid professionals but just aren't getting work and are angry about it) show up and audition for these no pay groups, which is why amateurs like me can't get our feet in the door.
So, OK, I have stopped looking for these opportunities.
Well, today on the Forum I found something tailor made for me, I think. A woman posted that she wanted someone to sing "something from Carmen" in a bookstore as a tie in with the publication of a new edition of Prosper Merimee's The Loves of Carmen. When I fall prey to my recent yearnings to live in a small town, this is exactly the kind of thing I could imagine myself doing. Nice and small scale. People wanting to buy a copy of this book wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and one of the emerging pros (or even the unemployed pros) who posts things on the Forum, certainly not singing in the limited range of the "Habanera". And we could all have a lot of fun.
So I called the woman who made the post and we talked. I hope I get to do it. I can wear my costume and shake my booty, and sing something in a comfortable range and have a ball.
So I dusted off my score of Carmen. If this woman wants to hear something else I can sing the version of the "Seguidilla" that is in the score. I have given up trying to sing the version that is usually excerpted because I can't staccato up to a B natural; it just sounds like a bloodcurdling scream. But in the score the piece ends "J'irai chez mon ami Lillas Pastia" and the highest note I would have to sing is an F sharp. I sing both those pieces (if you exclude the B) extremely well. I have the perfect gutsy sound for it, and let's face it, scores of people have told me, even at one month shy of 63, that I am still dripping with sex appeal. And the costume is, well, if not X rated, certainly PG 13. Here's a picture. When it was taken I was 59 and I don't look much different.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Feeling Happy: Enjoy it While it Lasts
I had an exceptionally good voice lesson yesterday. Now we all know, I have had these before, and made breakthroughs, and then they have not entirely held, and I have felt back to square one. Well, not quite, just back to not having mastery over my breathing, my centeredness, and my groundedness, which is where the problems lie, basically.
For the umpteenth time, my teacher pointed out that if I "croon" my way through sections of a piece (the sections that sit, let's say, in the octave from middle C to the C above) thinking I am "saving" my voice for the high climax, all I am really doing is getting everything out of alignment so the high climax will be harder. He pointed out that I can easily sing an arpeggio up to A and back, even holding the A for four counts before I come down, so that is all this difficult passage is, and I have enough time to take a breath beforehand! So today I sang through the the scene going three pages back (I have already mastered it going two pages back). Next time I will try it going four pages back, etc. And that is really it, because there is a big break after "Va".
And I took out the score of Hamlet and played through the scene I am thinking of doing. So it has a B flat in it. It is at the end of a long scale, which is something else I can do. My B flat has really improved lately. I still don't think I can open my mouth and sing it off the cuff (and right now I don't have to) but I can now hold it easily for four counts in the middle of an arpeggio.
In other news, I have signed up to take a writing class which is being given at the church by a woman there who is a playwright. She is one of those people with an "interesting life" who has written a play and has traveled all over the world with it. The focus of the class will be on finding your voice as a writer. I don't think that is my problem: I already have that. My problem is finding the right audience. I mean if a woman my age who became obsessed with playing the cello in her 50s ended up with her picture in this article in the New York Times I don't see why I can't end up with mine there too!! It's all a question of whom you know, I guess. The main thing I hope to get out of this writing class is to reinforce that my story matters and is interesting even if I don't have an interesting job or go to a prestigious school.
And I wrote something on the Forum on the subject of being "discovered", which is one dear to my heart. There has been a lot of talk about the myth of being discovered, like Lana Turner, which is how I describe my experience. I believe it can happen, but it is not a substitute for hard work. What the "discovery" does is give you someone in your corner, sort of like an AA sponsor, or really any kind of mentor who takes a holistic interest in your life and checks in with you about the choices you are making. The main reason I feel proud of myself for posting something there is that it is part of my determination to nurture my self-esteem. This is my story. I am not just a superannuated joke, or a "troll". I work very very hard.
Now I just need to nail down a date to do "Laudamus te" with the violinist in the summer. If I don't at least one thing on my calendar I feel antsy.
For the umpteenth time, my teacher pointed out that if I "croon" my way through sections of a piece (the sections that sit, let's say, in the octave from middle C to the C above) thinking I am "saving" my voice for the high climax, all I am really doing is getting everything out of alignment so the high climax will be harder. He pointed out that I can easily sing an arpeggio up to A and back, even holding the A for four counts before I come down, so that is all this difficult passage is, and I have enough time to take a breath beforehand! So today I sang through the the scene going three pages back (I have already mastered it going two pages back). Next time I will try it going four pages back, etc. And that is really it, because there is a big break after "Va".
And I took out the score of Hamlet and played through the scene I am thinking of doing. So it has a B flat in it. It is at the end of a long scale, which is something else I can do. My B flat has really improved lately. I still don't think I can open my mouth and sing it off the cuff (and right now I don't have to) but I can now hold it easily for four counts in the middle of an arpeggio.
In other news, I have signed up to take a writing class which is being given at the church by a woman there who is a playwright. She is one of those people with an "interesting life" who has written a play and has traveled all over the world with it. The focus of the class will be on finding your voice as a writer. I don't think that is my problem: I already have that. My problem is finding the right audience. I mean if a woman my age who became obsessed with playing the cello in her 50s ended up with her picture in this article in the New York Times I don't see why I can't end up with mine there too!! It's all a question of whom you know, I guess. The main thing I hope to get out of this writing class is to reinforce that my story matters and is interesting even if I don't have an interesting job or go to a prestigious school.
And I wrote something on the Forum on the subject of being "discovered", which is one dear to my heart. There has been a lot of talk about the myth of being discovered, like Lana Turner, which is how I describe my experience. I believe it can happen, but it is not a substitute for hard work. What the "discovery" does is give you someone in your corner, sort of like an AA sponsor, or really any kind of mentor who takes a holistic interest in your life and checks in with you about the choices you are making. The main reason I feel proud of myself for posting something there is that it is part of my determination to nurture my self-esteem. This is my story. I am not just a superannuated joke, or a "troll". I work very very hard.
Now I just need to nail down a date to do "Laudamus te" with the violinist in the summer. If I don't at least one thing on my calendar I feel antsy.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Something More Upbeat
I don't have much to say, but I realized that my last post was rather a downer, so I want to post something more upbeat.
I had a really really good day on Sunday. I sang "O Rest in the Lord" from Elijah in both services as well as the soprano chorus part in "He watching over Israel". I got a lot of compliments. My singing must be improving because I got more compliments on this (and on the Wagner "Angel" that I sang near Christmas) than on most of the singing I had done previously. I even got a compliment from the tenor who became a doctor, the one who hurt my feelings by buddying up to the conservatory students and ignoring me. He also gave a compliment to the sopranos for how well we sang the opening to "Israel"by way of comparison with the tenors (the section now contains two young opera singers from conservatories) who were singing too loud.
I am still struggling with the pages after "Va" in Werther. What is so frustrating is that I know I have a stunning high A as is evidenced by how well I sing that phrase (with the A that you hold for - actually it's 4 counts although it feels like a lifetime, and then you have to attack it again) when I only go back three measures. I can also sing it if I only go back a page. But the farther back I start the harder it gets. I used to say I got "tired" but that can't be the case if I can sing the phrase in isolation over and over. I even took the phrase up a half step so that the top note was a B flat and God knows I held it for four counts which astounded me. I think my breathing gets "off" but why? And why can't I just do it correctly, remember what it felt like, and do it on demand? I can do that with other difficult phrases (like the long run in "Et Exsultavit") that don't involve big climactic high notes. Well, my teacher said as the time approaches for putting the concert together I can decide whether to sing that page or not. I can just end the scene at "Va". I also have the score of Hamlet now. The big scene sits high and has a run going up to a B flat so I will have to see how that goes. It also has no breaks. That is where I get into trouble. I suppose I am not very fit and as I age in some ways I am not getting fitter, although I must have very strong abs, as I find the roll up exercises in Pilates class easier to do than most of the other students, most of whom are women my age or thereabouts.
So now I'm a bit at loose ends because I have no other singing dates on my calendar. I am going to try to set a date to do the Bach "Laudamus te" with the violinist during the summer. And maybe the Spanish woman will do another September 11 concert.
I am also trying to put some other things in my life to look forward to that are different. I will take my partner to Ogunquit, Maine for her 80th birthday, even if it means taking money out of savings (I mean I can't take it with me, and I have no one to leave it to as I will probably outlive my partner). Then when I turn 66 and can collect Social Security I can plan a trip to England for us. I will have to pay for both of us but so what? If I keep working 30 hours a week and collect Social Security on top of it I will have a decent income.
I had a really really good day on Sunday. I sang "O Rest in the Lord" from Elijah in both services as well as the soprano chorus part in "He watching over Israel". I got a lot of compliments. My singing must be improving because I got more compliments on this (and on the Wagner "Angel" that I sang near Christmas) than on most of the singing I had done previously. I even got a compliment from the tenor who became a doctor, the one who hurt my feelings by buddying up to the conservatory students and ignoring me. He also gave a compliment to the sopranos for how well we sang the opening to "Israel"by way of comparison with the tenors (the section now contains two young opera singers from conservatories) who were singing too loud.
I am still struggling with the pages after "Va" in Werther. What is so frustrating is that I know I have a stunning high A as is evidenced by how well I sing that phrase (with the A that you hold for - actually it's 4 counts although it feels like a lifetime, and then you have to attack it again) when I only go back three measures. I can also sing it if I only go back a page. But the farther back I start the harder it gets. I used to say I got "tired" but that can't be the case if I can sing the phrase in isolation over and over. I even took the phrase up a half step so that the top note was a B flat and God knows I held it for four counts which astounded me. I think my breathing gets "off" but why? And why can't I just do it correctly, remember what it felt like, and do it on demand? I can do that with other difficult phrases (like the long run in "Et Exsultavit") that don't involve big climactic high notes. Well, my teacher said as the time approaches for putting the concert together I can decide whether to sing that page or not. I can just end the scene at "Va". I also have the score of Hamlet now. The big scene sits high and has a run going up to a B flat so I will have to see how that goes. It also has no breaks. That is where I get into trouble. I suppose I am not very fit and as I age in some ways I am not getting fitter, although I must have very strong abs, as I find the roll up exercises in Pilates class easier to do than most of the other students, most of whom are women my age or thereabouts.
So now I'm a bit at loose ends because I have no other singing dates on my calendar. I am going to try to set a date to do the Bach "Laudamus te" with the violinist during the summer. And maybe the Spanish woman will do another September 11 concert.
I am also trying to put some other things in my life to look forward to that are different. I will take my partner to Ogunquit, Maine for her 80th birthday, even if it means taking money out of savings (I mean I can't take it with me, and I have no one to leave it to as I will probably outlive my partner). Then when I turn 66 and can collect Social Security I can plan a trip to England for us. I will have to pay for both of us but so what? If I keep working 30 hours a week and collect Social Security on top of it I will have a decent income.
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