Divas in High Dudgeon

My mother was always angry.  Or she used the language of anger to feel important.  I knew people in offices who were like that too.  Their favorite thing to do was to have bitchfests about the stupidity and cluelessness of other people.  What a waste of energy.

What's interesting, is that whereas I could see how pathetic these office kvetches were, if the people in high dudgeon are singers or voice teachers doing this on Facebook or other online forums, I cower.

I always worry that I am one of these stupid clueless people that they are talking about.  I can think, in fact, of one or two of these people who said a few helpful things to me, or even the odd friendly thing, and have now dropped me.  Was I too stupid and clueless for them?

The main issue here is: why should I care?

These people remind me of some of the Queen Bee types in school cliques who trash talk their "inferiors" and then have a whole coterie of "yes girls" who respond with in jokes. Some of that persists into adulthood, although usually there is less of it, at least among people who are satisfied with their own lives.

Interesingly, in real life, these types seem easier to ignore.  Now that the only "group" I belong to is at a church, that sort of behavior just doesn't happen, because people are always taking their own spiritual temperature.  Which is one of the reasons I feel happy there for the most part, even if I am not 100% on board with some of the theology.  Where the phenomenon seems the most pervasive, is online.  To me, the problem online isn't just the trolls, it's the self-designated police.

Now just to be clear, I am someone with a bad temper.  Just ask my partner.  But I don't get angry at people who ask me for advice or suggestions or help.  First of all, I'm extremely flattered if anyone asks me for advice, suggestions, or help, even if they appear ignorant or clueless.  If I think a boundary has been crossed,  I just say no and move on.  If I don't want to waste time doing something I shouldn't have been asked to do (like read a "mentee's" copyediting test before she submitted it to a client), I certainly don't want to waste more time bitching about it, not to mention that people in the circles I move are not going to post funny "you go girl!" type responses.  They are more likely to gently tell me to "chill out", or that life is too short to dwell on the negative.

This year my New Year's resolution was to nurture my self-esteem.  This does not mean being delusional or unaware of what I need to work on (musically, spiritually, or otherwise).  It means steering clear of people who insult me either directly, or by inference.  Unless such a person is paying me to do a job, why do I need their approval?   I also need to let go of thinking that these people's bitchfests make them special.

Rather ironically, I realize I am being as opaque as they are, describing a type of person of whom I don't approve (or would like not to approve of) in general enough terms that someone might wonder if I am talking about them.  (On the other hand, those people wouldn't be caught dead reading this, so I needn't worry.)