The Bitter and the Sweet (Third Time Around)

I guess there are only so many titles one can give a blog post...

For the sweet (always start with something positive):

1. I took my first step toward the Carmen concert.  I wrote to the tenor who was in my Requiem.  I have not heard back from him but I know he is very busy and he may be checking his schedule or trying to decide if this is something worth doing for free.  If he doesn't want to or is not available, I won't get upset, as long as he doesn't say something unkind, which I doubt he would.  If I don't hear from him by the Sunday after Thanksgiving I will write to him again (or I will write sooner if my "sponsor" asks me if I have decided on a date).
2. The accompanist and the pastor from the Spanish service both like the Nin song ("Cant deis Aucells") so I will be singing it if not on Epiphany itself (the accompanist may not be available that day) then on the following Sunday.
3. The choir director said he would try to find a spot for "Nun Wandre Maria" during Advent (he seems to like the song itself).
4. I keep sounding better and better, and have surprised myself with how good some of the top notes sound, including the C, although I would not sing that in public.
5. A propos of 4, I can really tell  how much better I sound at choir rehearsals, where I can segue from singing pianissimo high Gs in the pieces where I sing soprano to singing chesty middle Cs and Ds in the piece where I'm singing alto.  And I no longer get tired.

For the bitter:

1. The woman I now refer to as "sponsor" decided not to have a holiday concert.  That is upsetting to me because not only would I have liked to sing in it, but also because it would have been something I could have used as "leverage" with the choir, so I am not seen as someone always available, but as someone who might get a better offer from time to time.
2. My "Habanera" got another "dislike" so it is now up to 6 likes and 5 dislikes.  Here is why it bothers me particularly.  For a while it got a lot views both because of all the brouhaha about the store using me instead of a professional, and because I mistakenly thought that someone had written something unkind about it.  It also got a lot of views because it was embedded in several publishing 'zines. But after that activity more or less died down. Yesterday I forwarded it to a friend, and asked her to "like" it if she liked it, and it was after that that the other "dislike" showed up.  I think it's extremely unlikely that this person would have been the "disliker", as she is not a singer and the one time she came to a concert of mine she was impressed.  Also, as she is a personal friend, I just can't see her doing that.  So I'm wondering.  When I put it on my Facebook page it got a lot of Facebook style "likes" but those are not Youtube "likes" (I can't believe I'm writing all this; it's so twenty-first century!!).  Anyhow I am not self-referential enough to re-circulate it on Facebook, but I did ask my teacher to "like" it (I re-sent it to him).  So we will see if he does.
3. I asked my teacher about the woman who sang Ulrica in the production that I was rejected for, and he said he thought there were two issues.  First, that her middle and lower register were bigger than mine, and second, that she is a "package" and that that is what people are looking for now.  What he means by that (I have heard him use that expression before) is that she is young (probably mid to late 30s) and that that is what the directors of these no pay companies want, even for older roles, and looks good, sounds good, and has experience.  What bothers me so so much isn't that I don't sound as good as this or that person, and that therefore they got a role and I didn't, but that these obstacles seem insurmountable.  I can improve my vocal technique, stamina,  musicianship, and language skills, but I simply will never be competitive with people 30 years younger with conservatory degrees and internships on their CVs.  I think what bothers me the most about this is that these people have flooded the lowest tier of volunteer (even pay to sing!!!) opera groups so there is simply no place for people like me.  I wouldn't care if I wasn't good enough for the A level groups and had to sing with the D level groups, but I'm not even good enough for those.  Well, as my therapist (and in another context, this "sponsor") said, if I can't get into something through the front door, I can get in through the back door (since I'm not looking for a fee).  If I'm not good enough for the pay to singthrough Carmen I can do my own thing with readings from the book.

I will post more about Carmen as things evolve.

ETA: I got one more "like" for the Habanera video, probably my teacher (he had listened to it before, but probably didn't hit the "like" button).  I heard back from the friend saying she never received the video, so I re-sent it.