I don't think I have used this phrase as a blog post title, although apparently I quoted it in another post. Good. One thing my therapist told me to do was try to make this blog more searchable through key words. And this is a saying that people will search, albeit for totally other purposes. But then, who knows?
Yesterday I had another "Little Miss"-related source of fury. Apparently she sang something this past Sunday (our choir wasn't there) and someone made a videotape (she has oodles of these whereas I have only one - from church at any rate, and not many more otherwise) and then I saw it because a woman from church (who is actually a personal friend of mine and did come to my Carmen and make a video from her phone, which she posted to my Facebook page although she didn't circulate it) posted it somewhere for public viewing with a gushing paean to Little Miss saying how lucky the church was to have such wonderful young talent.
When I was going over my New Year's resolutions with my therapist, she was confused by number 5
Talk about myself and write about myself broadly. I still believe there is someone out there who would find my whole "package" intriguing, even with all the imperfections and the lack of a traditional history (and the uncertainty of my "future"). Remember, there are guys who love girls with acne and scars (I hope this doesn't offend anyone).
and asked me what I was looking for here, friends? a "guy"? (The latter, no! I used that as a metaphor.)
What I am looking for is someone who is interested in me because I am 64 and singing so much better than I did when I was 54 (in fact, I feel that I have made more progress in the past year than I made in the preceding 9, probably because all those tiny muscles are finally doing what they are supposed to). To stop seeing myself as a less-desirable version of what people desire most: a singer in her 20s or at least her 30s (there are almost no singers in my fach in their 20s), but to see myself as valuable for what I actually am. That was what prompted the comment about acne and scars. I need to appeal to someone - a journalist, a physician, a DMus who is studying older singers - who wants to showcase me (or other people whose studies took a similar trajectory) just the way I am.
The other problem with being older is that younger people (I mean today, in 2015) have access to all sorts of technology, and, more importantly, their friends and family do too (and their family is still living). I am probably more tech savvy than most people my age, because of what I do for a living, but I don't have friends who come to hear me sing equipped with recording devices that they will automatically whip out. The one friend who tried to do this on September 11 had problems, and the woman I referred to earlier managed to make one short video of Carmen but that was it. My teacher always would make an audiotape of my performances but this was in the form of a CD of very poor quality and anyhow CDs have gone the way of the Edsel. Also, young people are more likely to have a gaggle of "fans" whether they be blood relatives, parents, or BFFs who have a quid pro quo setup with attending performances and applauding. My friends who are my age are either too busy or have too many health problems, or would rather go hear free chamber music at Juilliard.
So as for the title of this post, after noticing the video posting (I did not play it or comment on it) I messaged the man who started the Spanish service (who is lovely and always made nice comments about my singing) and asked if he would bring his video camera or phone with video capabilities on the 15th when I am singing "Et Exsultavit" in the Spanish service and he said "it would be his pleasure".
Speaking of "Et Exsultavit", I sang through it after not having sung it for several years and it is like the difference between night and day. I am singing it now with my big, dark, dramatic voice (although it is a melismatic piece, not a dramatic one) and my voice moves as easily as it ever did, and the long run (which many professional singers opt out of and break up) was easier than it ever was, singing full voice with a big pharyngeal space. And Giovanna Seymour continues to rock.
I just now need a claque. One that loves older women.
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