More Spit than Polish

I got the video of "Et Exsultavit" back and am giving it a mixed review.

I think I sound much better than the last time I sang it (other than that I gulped for air after the long run; on the other hand I got through it) but I looked like a complete mess.

The temperature had been in the single digits with 40 mph winds (I took a car service to the church) so I was wearing heavy wool pants, a heavy sweater, snow boots, and, when I was outside, a hat, which I never do because I don't want to squish down my hair.  My hair is naturally straight as a stick, which I do not like at all, and at some point I got tired of perms (the last ones I got fried my hair but kept it straight notwithstanding; it sort of looked like straightened brillo) so I began putting tiny little foam rollers in it after I washed it.  Usually I manage it with a fro pick and hair spray, which is fine if my head is uncovered when I leave the house, if it is not windy or raining.  I actually did look in the mirror before the service, but I guess I didn't realize how bad it looked from the sides and in the back.

And often I just look awkward.  I look like an older woman with glasses who is not all that graceful.  I think that was magnified by the fact that the video was full length rather than just zooming in on my face.

And to boot, the pianist made a mistake while he was accompanying me.  This is totally out of character for him.   He probably was overextended and we hadn't rehearsed it enough.

Anyhow, what makes me so sad (yet again) is I know I need a lot of polishing that I am not getting and don't know what to do about it or where to get it that is affordable, or even better, that is an organic part of my life.

I had asked to have this video made because I was miffed yet again by a video of Little Miss that someone had circulated, with gushing praise. So I thought, OK, I will have my own video. But it is not good enough to post anywhere, although I did send it to one friend, with various caveats.

The problem is I just don't have the resources I need.  I can just about manage to see a voice teacher twice a month and work on technique and repertoire five or six days a week.  I am going to take Spanish in the Fall, as the Spanish service is resource-poor venue right now, where I can be appreciated (and one of the coaches I've been to thinks my voice is ideally suited for Spanish art songs) but I don't have either a "team" (like you do in a conservatory) or a personal circle of family and friends who buzz around me fussing with my hair or asking me to stand up in front of them and "present" an aria so they can comment on my body language.

If I want "polish" I need to have these kinds of things going on regularly, not twice a year at best.  I didn't even have a personal friend there with me (as distinct from supportive buddies in the congregation) who would have taken me aside and said "BabyD, let me see what we can do with that hair!"

The one woman who did help students with these kinds of things (the coach who told me to work on Spanish songs) is not producing the kinds of concerts or programs that I would be interested in right now.  She is producing some kind of a musical comedy, that is definitely not my kind of thing.  There are traditional musical theater roles (very few, actually, for older women who sing "legit" - only Nettie in Carousel and the Mother Abbess from Sound of Music come to mind) that I would love to perform, but clowning it up is not my thing.

At least I am (mostly) happy with how I sang that piece.  Now I will look for something for Lent, as soon as I get the choir schedule.

ETA: A friend to whom I emailed the video said she really liked how I sounded and complimented me on my posture (!) and said it didn't matter what I was wearing as it was a church service not a concert.  So tomorrow I will email it to the pianist and ask if he minds if I post it on Facebook (it was a joint endeavor so I wouldn't post it otherwise).  I do plan to email it to my voice teacher, though.