I am going to be singing "Nun Wandre Maria" in the 9 am and the 11 am services on December 8, and "Cant deis Aucells" either on January 5 or the 12th.
The Spanish song coach is having three get up and sing get-togethers in December. I emailed her back and said I was available for two of them. The problem is if there are not enough people she will cancel, so it remains to be seen whether they will actually take place. If they do, I will sing both of the church pieces at the first one, and "Cant deis Aucells" and possibly the "Chanson Boheme" from Carmen at the second. There is no point in singing the Sequidilla. If I need help getting more secure with the B it is better to confine singing it to my lessons with my teacher (and my practice time at home).
The tenor from my Requiem wrote me a nice note saying he was not available to sing in the Carmen concert but that he might try to come. He is very nice, in addition to being a magnificent singer. So I wrote to the other tenor from the Met chorus, the one who was initially scheduled to be in the Requiem. If I don't hear back from him by Monday I will write again.
The Youtube Habanera now has 8 likes and 4 dislikes. Someone took down one of the dislikes (although did not change it to a like). The person who took it down must have been the initial "disliker" because I assume you can't change a vote on Youtube unless it's your own. My friend figured out how to use the like and dislike buttons and she told me she loved it.
As for nonmusical nice things, Thanksgiving is my and my partner's 37th anniversary, give or take some time apart. We are going to eat out tomorrow although I also made a dish of sweet potatoes and apples that we have every year. She made it for me (and the other guests) that first Thanksgiving and taught me how to make it (and how to cook, full stop). We also got an invitation for Christmas Day to someone's house. Since my mother died we have not been to anyone's house on Christmas Day, only to a restaurant. I told the hostess that we could not afford to buy presents for anyone and that in fact we had not bought presents for anyone (including each other) since I left my last full time job. This is perfectly ok with me. (And she said it was fine with her because she never knew what to get people.) Unless you have children, I think this is a wasteful way to spend money, especially if people buy expensive "surprises" for people that the recipients don't like and don't want, which happens more often than not, hence all the tacky jokes.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The Bitter and the Sweet (Third Time Around)
I guess there are only so many titles one can give a blog post...
For the sweet (always start with something positive):
1. I took my first step toward the Carmen concert. I wrote to the tenor who was in my Requiem. I have not heard back from him but I know he is very busy and he may be checking his schedule or trying to decide if this is something worth doing for free. If he doesn't want to or is not available, I won't get upset, as long as he doesn't say something unkind, which I doubt he would. If I don't hear from him by the Sunday after Thanksgiving I will write to him again (or I will write sooner if my "sponsor" asks me if I have decided on a date).
2. The accompanist and the pastor from the Spanish service both like the Nin song ("Cant deis Aucells") so I will be singing it if not on Epiphany itself (the accompanist may not be available that day) then on the following Sunday.
3. The choir director said he would try to find a spot for "Nun Wandre Maria" during Advent (he seems to like the song itself).
4. I keep sounding better and better, and have surprised myself with how good some of the top notes sound, including the C, although I would not sing that in public.
5. A propos of 4, I can really tell how much better I sound at choir rehearsals, where I can segue from singing pianissimo high Gs in the pieces where I sing soprano to singing chesty middle Cs and Ds in the piece where I'm singing alto. And I no longer get tired.
For the bitter:
1. The woman I now refer to as "sponsor" decided not to have a holiday concert. That is upsetting to me because not only would I have liked to sing in it, but also because it would have been something I could have used as "leverage" with the choir, so I am not seen as someone always available, but as someone who might get a better offer from time to time.
2. My "Habanera" got another "dislike" so it is now up to 6 likes and 5 dislikes. Here is why it bothers me particularly. For a while it got a lot views both because of all the brouhaha about the store using me instead of a professional, and because I mistakenly thought that someone had written something unkind about it. It also got a lot of views because it was embedded in several publishing 'zines. But after that activity more or less died down. Yesterday I forwarded it to a friend, and asked her to "like" it if she liked it, and it was after that that the other "dislike" showed up. I think it's extremely unlikely that this person would have been the "disliker", as she is not a singer and the one time she came to a concert of mine she was impressed. Also, as she is a personal friend, I just can't see her doing that. So I'm wondering. When I put it on my Facebook page it got a lot of Facebook style "likes" but those are not Youtube "likes" (I can't believe I'm writing all this; it's so twenty-first century!!). Anyhow I am not self-referential enough to re-circulate it on Facebook, but I did ask my teacher to "like" it (I re-sent it to him). So we will see if he does.
3. I asked my teacher about the woman who sang Ulrica in the production that I was rejected for, and he said he thought there were two issues. First, that her middle and lower register were bigger than mine, and second, that she is a "package" and that that is what people are looking for now. What he means by that (I have heard him use that expression before) is that she is young (probably mid to late 30s) and that that is what the directors of these no pay companies want, even for older roles, and looks good, sounds good, and has experience. What bothers me so so much isn't that I don't sound as good as this or that person, and that therefore they got a role and I didn't, but that these obstacles seem insurmountable. I can improve my vocal technique, stamina, musicianship, and language skills, but I simply will never be competitive with people 30 years younger with conservatory degrees and internships on their CVs. I think what bothers me the most about this is that these people have flooded the lowest tier of volunteer (even pay to sing!!!) opera groups so there is simply no place for people like me. I wouldn't care if I wasn't good enough for the A level groups and had to sing with the D level groups, but I'm not even good enough for those. Well, as my therapist (and in another context, this "sponsor") said, if I can't get into something through the front door, I can get in through the back door (since I'm not looking for a fee). If I'm not good enough for the pay to singthrough Carmen I can do my own thing with readings from the book.
I will post more about Carmen as things evolve.
ETA: I got one more "like" for the Habanera video, probably my teacher (he had listened to it before, but probably didn't hit the "like" button). I heard back from the friend saying she never received the video, so I re-sent it.
For the sweet (always start with something positive):
1. I took my first step toward the Carmen concert. I wrote to the tenor who was in my Requiem. I have not heard back from him but I know he is very busy and he may be checking his schedule or trying to decide if this is something worth doing for free. If he doesn't want to or is not available, I won't get upset, as long as he doesn't say something unkind, which I doubt he would. If I don't hear from him by the Sunday after Thanksgiving I will write to him again (or I will write sooner if my "sponsor" asks me if I have decided on a date).
2. The accompanist and the pastor from the Spanish service both like the Nin song ("Cant deis Aucells") so I will be singing it if not on Epiphany itself (the accompanist may not be available that day) then on the following Sunday.
3. The choir director said he would try to find a spot for "Nun Wandre Maria" during Advent (he seems to like the song itself).
4. I keep sounding better and better, and have surprised myself with how good some of the top notes sound, including the C, although I would not sing that in public.
5. A propos of 4, I can really tell how much better I sound at choir rehearsals, where I can segue from singing pianissimo high Gs in the pieces where I sing soprano to singing chesty middle Cs and Ds in the piece where I'm singing alto. And I no longer get tired.
For the bitter:
1. The woman I now refer to as "sponsor" decided not to have a holiday concert. That is upsetting to me because not only would I have liked to sing in it, but also because it would have been something I could have used as "leverage" with the choir, so I am not seen as someone always available, but as someone who might get a better offer from time to time.
2. My "Habanera" got another "dislike" so it is now up to 6 likes and 5 dislikes. Here is why it bothers me particularly. For a while it got a lot views both because of all the brouhaha about the store using me instead of a professional, and because I mistakenly thought that someone had written something unkind about it. It also got a lot of views because it was embedded in several publishing 'zines. But after that activity more or less died down. Yesterday I forwarded it to a friend, and asked her to "like" it if she liked it, and it was after that that the other "dislike" showed up. I think it's extremely unlikely that this person would have been the "disliker", as she is not a singer and the one time she came to a concert of mine she was impressed. Also, as she is a personal friend, I just can't see her doing that. So I'm wondering. When I put it on my Facebook page it got a lot of Facebook style "likes" but those are not Youtube "likes" (I can't believe I'm writing all this; it's so twenty-first century!!). Anyhow I am not self-referential enough to re-circulate it on Facebook, but I did ask my teacher to "like" it (I re-sent it to him). So we will see if he does.
3. I asked my teacher about the woman who sang Ulrica in the production that I was rejected for, and he said he thought there were two issues. First, that her middle and lower register were bigger than mine, and second, that she is a "package" and that that is what people are looking for now. What he means by that (I have heard him use that expression before) is that she is young (probably mid to late 30s) and that that is what the directors of these no pay companies want, even for older roles, and looks good, sounds good, and has experience. What bothers me so so much isn't that I don't sound as good as this or that person, and that therefore they got a role and I didn't, but that these obstacles seem insurmountable. I can improve my vocal technique, stamina, musicianship, and language skills, but I simply will never be competitive with people 30 years younger with conservatory degrees and internships on their CVs. I think what bothers me the most about this is that these people have flooded the lowest tier of volunteer (even pay to sing!!!) opera groups so there is simply no place for people like me. I wouldn't care if I wasn't good enough for the A level groups and had to sing with the D level groups, but I'm not even good enough for those. Well, as my therapist (and in another context, this "sponsor") said, if I can't get into something through the front door, I can get in through the back door (since I'm not looking for a fee). If I'm not good enough for the pay to singthrough Carmen I can do my own thing with readings from the book.
I will post more about Carmen as things evolve.
ETA: I got one more "like" for the Habanera video, probably my teacher (he had listened to it before, but probably didn't hit the "like" button). I heard back from the friend saying she never received the video, so I re-sent it.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
A Heartfelt and Unexpected Compliment
I am really beginning to think that maybe things have turned a corner.
Over the past few years I have been deeply discouraged, first by realizing that no matter how well I sing, I will never be good enough to be cast by other people in a leading role in one of the no pay opera groups around here. That was a huge blow.
Second, I have not liked the feeling of being pushed into the background by the presence of (as distinct from being pushed into the background by) these young conservatory graduates and students who have taken the choir by storm.
My spirits began to be lifted by the Spanish woman who seems to have taken an interest in me. As a contrast, I don't really think my teacher is "interested in me" in that sense. He is interested in seeing that I sing as well as possible, and he is happy that I seem to be able to create opportunities for myself to sing in front of audiences, and if I ask him for advice he will give it, but if he needs a mezzo to do something, for example, he can always find someone better.
As I wrote a few days ago, I am really really excited not only that this woman is letting me do this Carmen concert, but that she, to some extent, want to take joint ownership of it.
As for the title of this post, I got an email from one of the women in the choir, another mezzo, who had had a minor career singing opera and choir gigs, who claims to have lost her upper register when she got into her 60s, and who now sings alto in the choir. She has always been very supportive of me, which I need to remember, as she is a conservatory graduate, and unlike the man who hurt my feelings, she seems to take me seriously.
She is also on the stewardship committee, so I'm sure a subtext of the lovely email she sent me is that she wants me to remember to donate some money to the church (which I have done for the past few years despite not being a baptised Christian; I do it because I care about their social outreach programs), but nonetheless she did write the following things, and I'm sure she meant them.
In the spirit of our theme, "delighting in God's gifts", I'm enjoying thinking about ways you give of yourself to [the church] and, thereby, to all of us. Of course, your singing in the chorale leaps to my mind first, and your beautiful solos during services. But then there are also the concerts on and off [the church] premises so many of us have enjoyed, and the benefit performances of the kind of music only serious singers, like you and your colleagues, can do. I know you have volunteered in other ways too (like helping [an elderly man in the congregation]), and your very presence is enlivening. . So for this and much more I'm sure I've forgotten for the moment (or don't even know about), a very big thank you
So it's really really nice to know that someone notices that I'm there, even when I think they don't.
Over the past few years I have been deeply discouraged, first by realizing that no matter how well I sing, I will never be good enough to be cast by other people in a leading role in one of the no pay opera groups around here. That was a huge blow.
Second, I have not liked the feeling of being pushed into the background by the presence of (as distinct from being pushed into the background by) these young conservatory graduates and students who have taken the choir by storm.
My spirits began to be lifted by the Spanish woman who seems to have taken an interest in me. As a contrast, I don't really think my teacher is "interested in me" in that sense. He is interested in seeing that I sing as well as possible, and he is happy that I seem to be able to create opportunities for myself to sing in front of audiences, and if I ask him for advice he will give it, but if he needs a mezzo to do something, for example, he can always find someone better.
As I wrote a few days ago, I am really really excited not only that this woman is letting me do this Carmen concert, but that she, to some extent, want to take joint ownership of it.
As for the title of this post, I got an email from one of the women in the choir, another mezzo, who had had a minor career singing opera and choir gigs, who claims to have lost her upper register when she got into her 60s, and who now sings alto in the choir. She has always been very supportive of me, which I need to remember, as she is a conservatory graduate, and unlike the man who hurt my feelings, she seems to take me seriously.
She is also on the stewardship committee, so I'm sure a subtext of the lovely email she sent me is that she wants me to remember to donate some money to the church (which I have done for the past few years despite not being a baptised Christian; I do it because I care about their social outreach programs), but nonetheless she did write the following things, and I'm sure she meant them.
In the spirit of our theme, "delighting in God's gifts", I'm enjoying thinking about ways you give of yourself to [the church] and, thereby, to all of us. Of course, your singing in the chorale leaps to my mind first, and your beautiful solos during services. But then there are also the concerts on and off [the church] premises so many of us have enjoyed, and the benefit performances of the kind of music only serious singers, like you and your colleagues, can do. I know you have volunteered in other ways too (like helping [an elderly man in the congregation]), and your very presence is enlivening. . So for this and much more I'm sure I've forgotten for the moment (or don't even know about), a very big thank you
So it's really really nice to know that someone notices that I'm there, even when I think they don't.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Personal Growth
I need to be working, but I wanted to document the personal growth I exhibited today.
Quite by accident (well, no; that's a bit disingenuous) I stumbled upon a blog post from one of the blowhards whose writing made me feel angry and self-deprecating. I took her off my blog reading list, but a voice teacher whose blog I do read, whose studio is one of the pages I have "liked" on Facebook, reposted something from the blowhard, so, yes, I read it.
There has been a lot of uproar lately about all the "child prodigy" opera singers, who, apparently, are singing Puccini on Youtube. I don't listen to these things because I'm too busy, and if I'm going to listen to something on Youtube I want it to be something that I can learn from (for example a rendition of a song or aria that I am working on). I agree that they are probably ruining their voices, not to mention their psyches, by doing this, but as for thinking that they are damaging Art, with a capital "A", I am not that arrogant.
The post by the blowhard was a recycling of her favorite themesong: that she is the real deal, and these imitators (whether they're teens, beauty contestants, or hobbyists with other day jobs) are not. Hers was not the first diatribe I had seen about these "prodigies". What differentiated it was that it was used as an opportunity to engage in another bragfest about herself. In addition to railing about the "prodigies" she also went into an elaborate riff on all the things she is not good at (sewing)/sort of good at, but O!M!G! not a professional!! (cooking)/superb at (singing opera).
OK, I effing got it!! I am not as good an opera singer as Miss Blowhard. OK OK OK OK I get the point!! (Now I want to say here, lest I am accused of being paranoid, that I don't think she was talking about me, although I saw myself in relation to opera singer as she sees herself in relation to chef.)
But why does she constantly have to belabor this point again and again? What I said before is that people who are happy with themselves don't engage in this type of rant; they are too busy doing what they're good at.
I earn my living editing. There are bad editors, and people who call themselves "word people" who don't know the difference between a pronoun that's meant to be the subject of a sentence and one that's meant to be the object of a sentence. (A woman I know posted on Facebook that she is a "grammar fanatic" and then went on to say "there are certain errors that amuse my boyfriend and I" Huh??? At first I thought she might have written that tongue in cheek but on second reading I decided she hadn't.) Do I spend my time getting my "knickers in a twist" over such things? No.
I will have to admit that I got angrier over reading that blog post than I would have liked to. Whereas the world would probably be a better place without phony child opera stars, I don't know if it would be a better place without hard working amateur performers who will never be as good as the professionals who have studied all their lives but who still would like our afternoon in the sun, performing music we love in front of an audience, without constantly being reminded of our inferiority; or that we are somehow damaging Art if a random audience can't tell the difference between, say, me and Miss Blowhard.
But I am proud of myself that I did not let this ruin my day, or my excitement about planning my Carmen concert event.
I read, I felt sick to my stomach, I made a Facebook post, and then I went back to working on perfecting my pronunciation of the Catalan dialect I will be singing in "El Cant dels Aucells". And I sang through it twice with my little keyboard, which is near my front door. And then I pulled out my German dictionary to translate "Nun Wandre Maria".
Quite by accident (well, no; that's a bit disingenuous) I stumbled upon a blog post from one of the blowhards whose writing made me feel angry and self-deprecating. I took her off my blog reading list, but a voice teacher whose blog I do read, whose studio is one of the pages I have "liked" on Facebook, reposted something from the blowhard, so, yes, I read it.
There has been a lot of uproar lately about all the "child prodigy" opera singers, who, apparently, are singing Puccini on Youtube. I don't listen to these things because I'm too busy, and if I'm going to listen to something on Youtube I want it to be something that I can learn from (for example a rendition of a song or aria that I am working on). I agree that they are probably ruining their voices, not to mention their psyches, by doing this, but as for thinking that they are damaging Art, with a capital "A", I am not that arrogant.
The post by the blowhard was a recycling of her favorite themesong: that she is the real deal, and these imitators (whether they're teens, beauty contestants, or hobbyists with other day jobs) are not. Hers was not the first diatribe I had seen about these "prodigies". What differentiated it was that it was used as an opportunity to engage in another bragfest about herself. In addition to railing about the "prodigies" she also went into an elaborate riff on all the things she is not good at (sewing)/sort of good at, but O!M!G! not a professional!! (cooking)/superb at (singing opera).
OK, I effing got it!! I am not as good an opera singer as Miss Blowhard. OK OK OK OK I get the point!! (Now I want to say here, lest I am accused of being paranoid, that I don't think she was talking about me, although I saw myself in relation to opera singer as she sees herself in relation to chef.)
But why does she constantly have to belabor this point again and again? What I said before is that people who are happy with themselves don't engage in this type of rant; they are too busy doing what they're good at.
I earn my living editing. There are bad editors, and people who call themselves "word people" who don't know the difference between a pronoun that's meant to be the subject of a sentence and one that's meant to be the object of a sentence. (A woman I know posted on Facebook that she is a "grammar fanatic" and then went on to say "there are certain errors that amuse my boyfriend and I" Huh??? At first I thought she might have written that tongue in cheek but on second reading I decided she hadn't.) Do I spend my time getting my "knickers in a twist" over such things? No.
I will have to admit that I got angrier over reading that blog post than I would have liked to. Whereas the world would probably be a better place without phony child opera stars, I don't know if it would be a better place without hard working amateur performers who will never be as good as the professionals who have studied all their lives but who still would like our afternoon in the sun, performing music we love in front of an audience, without constantly being reminded of our inferiority; or that we are somehow damaging Art if a random audience can't tell the difference between, say, me and Miss Blowhard.
But I am proud of myself that I did not let this ruin my day, or my excitement about planning my Carmen concert event.
I read, I felt sick to my stomach, I made a Facebook post, and then I went back to working on perfecting my pronunciation of the Catalan dialect I will be singing in "El Cant dels Aucells". And I sang through it twice with my little keyboard, which is near my front door. And then I pulled out my German dictionary to translate "Nun Wandre Maria".
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
And One *BIG* Thing
The concert version of Carmen that I had wanted to produce, in which sung scenes from the opera will be interspersed with readings from the book, is now definitely happening. I have selected several tentative dates in May. The woman who produced the 9/11 concert, the Spanish song coach, will sponsor me to produce this in the performance venue in her building. She is totally supportive of it. Maybe now I have a real mentor?
First, a tenor. I will ask the tenor from my Requiem first. I will wait until next week, when he is finished with his performance of Un Ballo in Maschera. If he wants to do more singing and find me a Micaela that will be great, although she is not in the book. Once he lets me know if/when he is available I can set a date. If he is not interested or available I have another list of tenors. Once I have a tenor I will firm up the date, and can work everything else around this.
My "sponsor" recommended an accompanist. I have heard him play for her when she has performed, and he is quite good. I will see if he is available.
Next, I will look for a reader. Sponsor gave me some suggestions, which I will follow up on.
She also said I could sing something from Carmen at her Spanish music concert, which now will probably be in June. I could sing the "Habanera" and the song by Manuel Garcia, which inspired it.
I am really excited about this.
In other news, Sponsor is having a workshop next week, to which I will bring "Cant deis Aucells" and "Nun Wandre Maria". Once the holidays are over I can bring some of the Carmen material to any workshops she has. I even think I may be able to sing the B in the "Seguidilla". I only have to hold it a nanosecond.
Lastly, The Mentor now seems to have changed his name. Or he seems to have two names. Would love to know the story behind this but of course there's no way for me to find out.
First, a tenor. I will ask the tenor from my Requiem first. I will wait until next week, when he is finished with his performance of Un Ballo in Maschera. If he wants to do more singing and find me a Micaela that will be great, although she is not in the book. Once he lets me know if/when he is available I can set a date. If he is not interested or available I have another list of tenors. Once I have a tenor I will firm up the date, and can work everything else around this.
My "sponsor" recommended an accompanist. I have heard him play for her when she has performed, and he is quite good. I will see if he is available.
Next, I will look for a reader. Sponsor gave me some suggestions, which I will follow up on.
She also said I could sing something from Carmen at her Spanish music concert, which now will probably be in June. I could sing the "Habanera" and the song by Manuel Garcia, which inspired it.
I am really excited about this.
In other news, Sponsor is having a workshop next week, to which I will bring "Cant deis Aucells" and "Nun Wandre Maria". Once the holidays are over I can bring some of the Carmen material to any workshops she has. I even think I may be able to sing the B in the "Seguidilla". I only have to hold it a nanosecond.
Lastly, The Mentor now seems to have changed his name. Or he seems to have two names. Would love to know the story behind this but of course there's no way for me to find out.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
A Few More Small Things
(I think I made a post called "A Few Small Things" not too long ago.)
Since I have cut myself off from a lot of the singing blogosphere, I have noticed I feel a lot better, am still making vocal progress, can pick up repertoire tips where I find them, but have a lot less to say. Which is probably not a bad thing.
I am still upset that the choir director seems to assign solos to other people but never to me, on the other hand, if I choose one he usually finds a spot for it, or if he doesn't care for it, for something else.
He already started handing out music for Advent (although not a schedule) so I asked him about singing "Nun Wandre Maria" on Magnificat Sunday or the following Sunday and he said he would take a look at it. If not, maybe I can sing Saint Saens "Patiently I Have Waited for the Lord" again. It is a sort of "all purpose" number that would be appropriate. And I can sing the Nin song during Epiphany. I will sing it at the Spanish service. It refers to Jesus being born, so is not suitable for Advent.
The tenor who sang in my Requiem is singing the tenor lead in the production of Un Ballo in Maschera that I auditioned for. I don't know if I mentioned this, but he is in the Met chorus. I checked to see who is singing Ulrica and it is someone my teacher knows (she sang Dalila in the concert version of Samson et Dalila that he was supposed to sing it, and then didn't because of illness). I remember his saying she was quite good. And I doubt she is even 40. At my next lesson I will ask him, from a vocal standpoint, what he feels she has that I don't (other than youth - hardly a requirement for singing Ulrica - and, no doubt, a lot more experience).
So this is the problem. No matter how well I sing, even a role that is age appropriate, there is this whole layer of unemployed professional sounding, well educated, singers who are 20 years younger (and then some) with impressive CVs and I will never crack through that. And even if I sound better this year than last year, I am getting older and falling farther behind.
So I will focus on my Spanish songs. I have noticed that the Spanish arts seem to be less ageist than most. I mean one of the most renowned (and regularly performing) Spanish dancers, Pilar Rioja, is almost 80.
Once the schedule is out for Advent, I will remind the choir director about singing something, and will give the music for "El Cant dels Aucells" to the accompanist for the Spanish service, and settle on a date for it.
Once I have a date on my calendar to sing something I will feel more connected.
Since I have cut myself off from a lot of the singing blogosphere, I have noticed I feel a lot better, am still making vocal progress, can pick up repertoire tips where I find them, but have a lot less to say. Which is probably not a bad thing.
I am still upset that the choir director seems to assign solos to other people but never to me, on the other hand, if I choose one he usually finds a spot for it, or if he doesn't care for it, for something else.
He already started handing out music for Advent (although not a schedule) so I asked him about singing "Nun Wandre Maria" on Magnificat Sunday or the following Sunday and he said he would take a look at it. If not, maybe I can sing Saint Saens "Patiently I Have Waited for the Lord" again. It is a sort of "all purpose" number that would be appropriate. And I can sing the Nin song during Epiphany. I will sing it at the Spanish service. It refers to Jesus being born, so is not suitable for Advent.
The tenor who sang in my Requiem is singing the tenor lead in the production of Un Ballo in Maschera that I auditioned for. I don't know if I mentioned this, but he is in the Met chorus. I checked to see who is singing Ulrica and it is someone my teacher knows (she sang Dalila in the concert version of Samson et Dalila that he was supposed to sing it, and then didn't because of illness). I remember his saying she was quite good. And I doubt she is even 40. At my next lesson I will ask him, from a vocal standpoint, what he feels she has that I don't (other than youth - hardly a requirement for singing Ulrica - and, no doubt, a lot more experience).
So this is the problem. No matter how well I sing, even a role that is age appropriate, there is this whole layer of unemployed professional sounding, well educated, singers who are 20 years younger (and then some) with impressive CVs and I will never crack through that. And even if I sound better this year than last year, I am getting older and falling farther behind.
So I will focus on my Spanish songs. I have noticed that the Spanish arts seem to be less ageist than most. I mean one of the most renowned (and regularly performing) Spanish dancers, Pilar Rioja, is almost 80.
Once the schedule is out for Advent, I will remind the choir director about singing something, and will give the music for "El Cant dels Aucells" to the accompanist for the Spanish service, and settle on a date for it.
Once I have a date on my calendar to sing something I will feel more connected.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Memories, Addictions, and Plans
I haven't written anything here for a while, partly because my modem was out for five days, so I couldn't access this site (I'm not adept enough to do anything more complex than a simple Google search on my smart phone), and partly because nothing has been going on.
Today brought back some memories. I have written ad nauseum about my "discovery" by the Mentor, which I link to Valentine's Day of 2004, but actually, this journey began with my singing Dido's Lament on the "Day of the Dead" service at the Unitarian Church on October 31, 2003.
That was the first time I had sung a solo piece in public in 23 years. That was when I developed a belief in God, which I had never had before, even after, at that point, 28 years in 12 step programs. I think I believed that if I got my voice back (it was not 100% secure, but it was pure and true, and in the classical style) in God's house meant that s/he must really be there. I had fantasized about singing, dreamed (as in what happens when one is asleep) about singing, fooled around with singing (I even screamed my way through "Condotta" once for someone's entertainment, probably in the mid 90s or thereabouts), but I had never stood up and really sung. And it gave me a rush that I wanted to feel again. The singing, the mastery of a difficult task, the applause, the compliments.
So is this an addiction?
I have recently gone back to AA meetings, not because I was worried about drinking, but because I wanted to be around people who had more serious problems and more difficult lives than I do, and get a different perspective. Alas, I don't get that perspective in church, despite their serving meals for the poor and taking Christian charity very seriously, because the poor and those employed in drudgery seem to be "other", not congregants, or at least they're not the congregants I meet in the choir or at the free classical music concerts I attend.
So of course the subject of the Fourth Step has come up.
I feel at an impasse with this. I am not starting from ground zero, I am not recently recovered from drinking or another uncontrollable addiction. Is my desire to get attention from an audience an addiction? Here is where I am not clear. There is an inappropriate kind of self-centeredness, one that harms or attempts to deprive others, but to some extent this is just a personality trait, as I wrote about here.
Is the fact that I am happier as a solo singer, even in the humblest of venues, than I am as a choral singer, a character flaw? I would hardly think so. Is the fact that I like applause and compliments a character flaw? I have worked really really really hard this past nine years and would like some time in the spotlight, and some appreciation.
Is it a character flaw that I am less happy singing with the choir now that there is this influx of "emerging pros" from conservatories?
Being bitter is a character flaw, and I am trying to be less bitter. There is no point to it anyhow. If I feel underappreciated I can work harder and/or find someplace to sing where there is less talent and I can shine more (and have more solo opportunities).
So what's next?
When the Advent Season schedule comes out I am going to ask the choir director (via email) if I can sing "Nun Wandre Maria" on Magnificat Sunday (or something else on another Sunday, but right now I'm drawing a blank, as all my music seems to be for that day or for Christmas). If I don't get a solo spot in one of the regular services before 2013 is over, I will see if I can sing the Bach Gounod "Ave Maria" in the Spanish service. They like things in Latin, and I hear now that there are at least 40 people at each service, sometimes more. I am pretty sure I will be singing one of the Nin songs (I am looking at "El Cant deis Aucells", which is an homage to Debussy, and refers to the birth of Jesus) at one of the Spanish services during Epiphany, if not on Epiphany itself. One of the pianists for that service said "we are always happy to have you". And if the Spanish woman produces a Christmas/Holiday concert I will sing in it whatever day it is unless I have a solo at the church.
And then there's Carmen. Next week I am going to start planning about doing that in the Spring, unless the Spanish music concert is definite. The Sequidilla and the Chanson Boheme are sounding much better. Learning how to flip my tongue around an "l" without tiring my jaw has made all the difference.
Today brought back some memories. I have written ad nauseum about my "discovery" by the Mentor, which I link to Valentine's Day of 2004, but actually, this journey began with my singing Dido's Lament on the "Day of the Dead" service at the Unitarian Church on October 31, 2003.
That was the first time I had sung a solo piece in public in 23 years. That was when I developed a belief in God, which I had never had before, even after, at that point, 28 years in 12 step programs. I think I believed that if I got my voice back (it was not 100% secure, but it was pure and true, and in the classical style) in God's house meant that s/he must really be there. I had fantasized about singing, dreamed (as in what happens when one is asleep) about singing, fooled around with singing (I even screamed my way through "Condotta" once for someone's entertainment, probably in the mid 90s or thereabouts), but I had never stood up and really sung. And it gave me a rush that I wanted to feel again. The singing, the mastery of a difficult task, the applause, the compliments.
So is this an addiction?
I have recently gone back to AA meetings, not because I was worried about drinking, but because I wanted to be around people who had more serious problems and more difficult lives than I do, and get a different perspective. Alas, I don't get that perspective in church, despite their serving meals for the poor and taking Christian charity very seriously, because the poor and those employed in drudgery seem to be "other", not congregants, or at least they're not the congregants I meet in the choir or at the free classical music concerts I attend.
So of course the subject of the Fourth Step has come up.
I feel at an impasse with this. I am not starting from ground zero, I am not recently recovered from drinking or another uncontrollable addiction. Is my desire to get attention from an audience an addiction? Here is where I am not clear. There is an inappropriate kind of self-centeredness, one that harms or attempts to deprive others, but to some extent this is just a personality trait, as I wrote about here.
Is the fact that I am happier as a solo singer, even in the humblest of venues, than I am as a choral singer, a character flaw? I would hardly think so. Is the fact that I like applause and compliments a character flaw? I have worked really really really hard this past nine years and would like some time in the spotlight, and some appreciation.
Is it a character flaw that I am less happy singing with the choir now that there is this influx of "emerging pros" from conservatories?
Being bitter is a character flaw, and I am trying to be less bitter. There is no point to it anyhow. If I feel underappreciated I can work harder and/or find someplace to sing where there is less talent and I can shine more (and have more solo opportunities).
So what's next?
When the Advent Season schedule comes out I am going to ask the choir director (via email) if I can sing "Nun Wandre Maria" on Magnificat Sunday (or something else on another Sunday, but right now I'm drawing a blank, as all my music seems to be for that day or for Christmas). If I don't get a solo spot in one of the regular services before 2013 is over, I will see if I can sing the Bach Gounod "Ave Maria" in the Spanish service. They like things in Latin, and I hear now that there are at least 40 people at each service, sometimes more. I am pretty sure I will be singing one of the Nin songs (I am looking at "El Cant deis Aucells", which is an homage to Debussy, and refers to the birth of Jesus) at one of the Spanish services during Epiphany, if not on Epiphany itself. One of the pianists for that service said "we are always happy to have you". And if the Spanish woman produces a Christmas/Holiday concert I will sing in it whatever day it is unless I have a solo at the church.
And then there's Carmen. Next week I am going to start planning about doing that in the Spring, unless the Spanish music concert is definite. The Sequidilla and the Chanson Boheme are sounding much better. Learning how to flip my tongue around an "l" without tiring my jaw has made all the difference.
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