Something to Try?

Yesterday I went with my partner to a concert by the choir for Alzheimers patients and their caregivers.  It was very moving.  They sang a group of familiar songs and there were little solos interspersed from time to time.  One of the women had a lovely voice (I don't know if she was a patient or a caregiver) and some others belted probably as well as some people you hear in live shows (they certainly all sang in tune).

My partner was "happy as a clam" (one of her favorite expressions) singing along when the audience was motioned to join in.

So we are going to go to their first rehearsal and see if we are considered suitable.  My partner doesn't have Alzheimers but she does have some cognitive impairment, which seems to be getting worse (she has very disturbed sleep/wake cycles and often now, if I call her at 8 or 9 pm she won't know if it's day or night).  So maybe this will be something we can do together out of the house.  And maybe this will be someplace I can use my singing talents where they will matter.  It seems that unless a group has very strict criteria regarding whom it is for and whom it is not,  it will be invaded by high level semi-professional singers who have spilled over from paying venues where they did not make the cut, whether it is an outfit where you have to pay to sing through an opera in someone's living room, or a choir that does not pay people.

Anyhow, recently I have had a paradigm shift (at least for the moment) and I realize that nothing is as important to me as making the end of my partner's life happy.  As she is failing, she has gotten sweeter and less irritable, and I realize that I can not take one single day with her for granted.  Yes, I would never want to live there  (the place now looks like a cross between a hospital room and the Collyers Brothers, not to mention that there is not only no Internet access but not even an outlet that I could plug my laptop into) or comingle our finances, but I would not trade one day of her precious life for anything, not the biggest singing gig in the world.

Now this does not mean that I will not go ahead with my Spring concert (I need to keep singing this challenging opera repertoire the way I need food or water), just that I realize that I don't need to be endlessly looking for singing opportunities that could tie up large chunks of time, and for what?

It also helps to avoid "triggers" (a friend of mine was writing about that online yesterday, in another context).  For me these are polemics that disparage "amateur" performers, or that imply that anyone who doesn't have a fulfilling career (or a partner with one) is a loser. One good thing about the national focus on all the tragedies that have happened lately is that the country (at least the part of it where I live) has also had a paradigm shift away from all the silly "self-esteem" talk; you know,  as in "if you had self-esteem you wouldn't be a copyeditor sitting at home taking care of someone who never bestirred herself to get a good job" which is what the Op Ed pages are always making me feel.  Our country really has some very serious problems to deal with that can't be solved by "abundant thinking" about me me me.