First, the upbeat part. My teacher definitely wants to sing with me at the May concert. Other than substituting the Giovanna/Enrico duet from Anna Bolena for the Amneris/Ramfis Judgment Scene from Aida, it will be pretty much the same program I sang in this concert.
This means we will sing the Laura/Alvise duet from La Gioconda and the Vengeance Duet from Samson et Dalila. I realize that the latter might be viewed as "politically incorrect", as the last line is "death to the Hebrews", but, well, this all happened a very long time ago!!
Then we will each sing a least one aria. He wants to sing Bartolo's aria from Barber of Seville and I will sing Dalila's "Mon Coeur" (minus the interpolated B flat which is not written anyhow).
If there is time for us each to sing two arias, I may add Laura's aria which I have always found easy to sing because the first part moves, and there is a lot of "setup time" before the last climactic high note.
On top of my excitement about having something on my calendar, I was really really thrilled with how I sounded at my lesson. My voice is just getting freer and freer and more open. I have even changed how I breathe: breathing lower in a more relaxed way instead of gripping with my back ribs, which I didn't even know I had been doing. And (counterintuitively) the darker and "heavier" I sing the easier it is to sing higher. And most importantly, I can tell that my teacher sees me as being in a different "league".
Now for the subject I am avoiding. I was just beginning to get over how upset I was at how few people came to my Carmen concert. I am not angry at any particular person. Everyone is busy. I think I am angry at how this event was perceived by people, consciously or unconsciously. It was like "yes, it's great that BabyD is doing this, but it's not a real performing arts event [you know, the sort that get reviewed in the Times or are at prestigious venues]."
Now here's the huge thing. I have no idea if this is deliberate or unconscious, but my choir director has never emailed out any flyer I sent him or given people a nudge to "let's come and show our support"! All he ever did was let me hand out flyers and make an announcement. Which sends the message that the event is important to me but not to him, whose imprimatur obviously sends a signal. Well, this morning I got a group email from him forwarding flyers from people (one was Little Miss Conservatory who is singing in the chorus of an opera; the other was someone else who sings cabaret) saying just that "let's come and show our support"! So what should I make of this? I am not going to say anything. He actually did come to three of my events: two at the church and one at a small venue where I sang scenes from Il Trovatore and Aida (actually not very well, because the air conditioner had not been cleaned and I felt like I was choking; something that has never happened before or since). But it all just makes me feel irrelevant and pushy. You know I am always the one who has to remind people that "hey, yes, I'm a performer too, hey, yes, I sing too and, ok, it's not just high Bs that take artistry even if all the untrained women think anyone could sing 'O Rest in the Lord' because it's in the same range someone might sing 'Happy Birthday'".
So I'm just in a really bad mood, just when I was starting to feel optimistic again. Sunday I sang "Patiently Have I Waited for the Lord" in two services. It went well for the most part except for those low Bs which I am not comfortable sitting on any more than I am comfortable sitting on high notes; it's just that with the low notes it's easier to fake it. And I got a lot of compliments, including from a woman in her 90s who said "your singing is really improving". I didn't find that insulting, actually it made me happy because it means that all the hard work I have been doing has paid off. So I just said "Thank you. I work very hard at it."
And the best news of all...maybe maybe maybe I really will not die anonymous! Someone may interview me for a magazine article about classical singers who started late.
No comments:
Post a Comment