I had been planning to post something anyhow, to let readers know that my friend L died peacefully a few days ago. It was all very quick. So this is another friend gone.
I have been inspired to write something by a heart-wrenching Facebook post from a friend - a young man whose mother died recently. She was younger than I am. He was writing about how painful the holidays will be, and how hard it will be to try to recreate the old traditions.
What has happened to me is very different. There was no one big loss that changed everything. I suppose there was for my mother, in that my father died suddenly in 1964, when I was 14. In addition to grief, she was dealing with the shock of now being thrown on her own resources with an unruly teenage daughter, when she had not had a "job" other than homemaking and parenting, for 15 years. He died near Christmas, so that was the last year we had a Christmas tree. I'm sure if I had wanted one, we would have continued, but I did not want one (and I think this shows how different 1964 was from, say, 1984 and subsequently) because I thought holidays were for "children" and spending time with family was "icky". Also whether or not to celebrate Christmas had become a hot button issue because, as someone whose mother was Jewish (albeit secular) my Jewish classmates told me I should not (which my mother thought was ridiculous - she told me that Christmas trees, rather than being "Christian", were, in one view, pagan, and in another, simply part of "Western Civ", along with Bach, Handel, and paintings of the Madonna and Child).
I have had a lot of rich, deeply meaningful holidays since then with friends, or with my mother and my partner (after my mother's parents died I did not have any sort of blood family, other than distant cousins who apparently have no interest in me - I have tried to connect with them at various times over the decades to no avail).
What has left me bereft now isn't the loss of one person, but the falling away of many people, either through death, "relocation", travel, or, simply, lack of energy and lack of interest. And, so, by extension, holiday celebrations (and birthdays) have just withered away.
I never had homemaking skills and that's just the way things are. It is not likely to change. I live in a rent regulated studio apartment in a prime neighborhood, and I am not likely to move somewhere now where I can host holidays. And no one I know does these things either. For years my mother would have Thanksgiving and Christmas in her apartment, the latter with a bowl of ornaments, some branches, a red tablecloth, and some candles. And presents, even if they were chosen beforehand by the recipient (her idea of the best way to use money wisely and avoid disappointments) were always elegantly wrapped. And (I had been discussing this with a friend recently), unpleasant or mundane topics were forbidden at the dinner table.
Once my partner was unable to climb the stairs to my mother's Brooklyn apartment, we had these holidays in a restaurant, taking turns paying, or splitting the check.
Since my mother died, my partner and I eat in a Spanish restaurant in Chelsea on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day. We used to bring leftovers home for her neighbor, a dear friend, but that woman, although she seemed healthier, more fit, and more mobile than my partner, died a few years ago.
I try to decorate (a little) for Christmas. I have some Christmassy things that I can put around the apartment and I always buy a little tree. Always the theological mongrel, I no longer feel conflicted about Christmas. I am Christian enough to celebrate Christmas, but too Jewish to want to be Baptised, no matter how much I love the Lutheran church where I sing almost every Sunday.
And I make sure that my partner has a little tree. There are some ornaments that I used to display around the apartment, but now that she has the cat, they might get damaged.
I don't buy or receive presents at Christmas. I can't afford it and it is not necessary. I can be happy singing, having a meal out, and photographing all the beauty around the city.
Of course I wish things were different. Through a combination of choices I made (not to have children) and chance (I no longer work in an office where a certain amount of socializing - certainly birthday lunches with a large group, and an annual holiday party in an upscale venue - is provided in situ) I am left with very little.
I don't want to be someone whose life ends with a whimper, becoming quieter and quieter until there's nothing there. I'm not that kind of person. I'm a BIG DIVA who loves dressing up, and who always likes to flirt with "too much". If I want MORE I don't even know where to start.
After that gut wrenching birthday that wasn't, I told myself that I was going to do things differently. I was always going to say "yes" to anyplace I could go where there would be people, instead of "no". So I am now working at the church after school program. I will go to more of the Moon Circles. I engage in conversations with people I meet in stores.
How did I end up having such a tiny footprint?
The other day I asked myself: is someone who gets four birthday cards, a spoiled lunch, and a dress bought under coercion for a milestone birthday worth less than someone whose large extended family throws them a party with 50 people, a huge meal, and a slide show complete with funny stories? I have certainly been to those. I suppose not in the eyes of God. But I do feel that.
Well, on a more upbeat note, it looks like I will have my birthday concert!! I am now in real communication with the woman at the Home. She said it sounds like a lovely idea, So now I just have to settle on a date, and ask her if I can invite guests. I said there wouldn't be more than 10. Fat chance that there will even be that many. Well, I will post it on Facebook and say it is my birthday. All I want is a few people to come with a cell phone camera and maybe someone to bring flowers. Or someone can send them to my house. I don't even know anyone who can be bothered doing that any more.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
Milestones
Today would have been my mother's 99th birthday. This is a photo of us at her 90th, the last big celebration that she had.
My mother always did birthdays in style: hers, mine, friends'. She made much of celebrations of all kinds, including Thankgiving and Christmas, this latter even though she was an atheist. And any occasion at all was an opportunity for a meal out. When I was younger I rolled my eyes over this, thinking of how fat she was (by the time the photo above was taken she had lost a lot of weight). This one (below) is a better indicator of our respective sizes, taken at Fiorello's some time after the millennium, either for her birthday or Mother's Day.
We didn't plan anything to celebrate. Last week we went to the ballet. I always think of my mother when I'm at the ballet, or looking at art.
My friend L is now in a hospice in Columbus, Ohio. I hear she is "out of it" most of the time. Since 2007 I have lost my mother and three friends to death (I am not counting L here at this point), three to moving out of state, and two to an endless round of out of state commitments (including Clueless). I have no idea how to replenish the well, other than by engaging in various activities while I'm not working, singing, or caring for my partner. Last week I started working at an after school program at the church where I sing. Maybe that will lift my spirits and be a source of human contact. I actually do have a lot of "buddies" and people I can have a meal with from time to time but socializing is pretty far down their list of priorities behind family and work - or travel, which they all seem to do either for business, family, or pleasure.
On a more upbeat note, I finally made contact with the woman at the senior center where I want to put on my birthday concert. Once that date is on my calendar I may be able to shake off the rage and misery I felt over this past birthday that never was. I am not sure what it says about me (and I am willing to take the blame) that I passed such a big milestone with no one giving a flying fig except the Medicare office and the MTA. So this date will be on my calendar. The day (it won't be the exact day, but the Sunday before or after) will mean something. It will be special even if none of my friends do a bloody thing. When I wrote back to the woman in charge I told her that I was putting on the concert for my birthday but that that was not relevant as far as the audience there was concerned. That is would be a mix of classical, musical theater, and "old favorites" from the Gay 90s and earlier, and was meant to be entertaining. I also said I could tweak the repertoire if she thought that was necessary. I know my teacher has sung in operatic concerts there, although not recently.
And last but not least, I will be good to go with the high soprano part in the Handel for Reformation Sunday. It really is not hard. It isn't as high as the duet I sang from Anna Bolena. We sang through the piece several times last night and I did not get tired or nervous, nor did I start singing "off the voice" to try to keep the volume down. So the drill is: I can do chores for my partner tomorrow, but not much talking. So I will promise myself not to get into an argument. And Sunday morning I will keep stumm other than singing the anthem. There will be a small orchestra there, so let's hope we don't overrehearse it. And I will bring a protein bar.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
The Eye of the Needle Part 2
In my last post I quoted this Bible verse:
"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25)
This post could be subtitled, "And yet some can."
In an addendum to my last post I mentioned a friend of mine and my SO's who has terminal cancer.
My heart is very heavy. She isn't really my friend (as she herself once said!) but is a friend of my partner's. But I am feeling her loss so keenly because she was one of those rare people who brought joy to everyone she met. Running counter to type, and oh, so antithetical to the woman I described in my previous post and called "Clueless", L. (my friend who is dying), felt it was her moral obligation to use her large unearned wealth not only to give to charities (she gave money and land) but to treat her less fortunate friends. No matter where she was (and she spent quite a lot of time out of the country) she always remembered to give my partner a membership to the Museum of Modern Art as a birthday present. Not only was she ever generous, she also never let my partner's birthday pass unacknowledged. She renewed this membership every year. If she was going to be gone during my partner's birthday month, she hand-delivered a card with the new MOMA card in it the month before. This membership has brought us countless hours of enrichment and pleasure.
Several times L. gave us a check when we went on vacation. And if she met people for lunch, she always picked up the check and left a large tip. No dickering, no bickering.
As I've said, I believe that people with unearned wealth start life with a large moral deficit, and L. more than made up for hers, and then some.
Even as I am writing this, she will be boarding a plane to spend her last months in the MidWest with her sisters. She had a mutual friend call up my partner to say goodbye.
Even though L. and I were not close friends, I will miss her a lot. She loved life and brought joy to so many people.
"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25)
This post could be subtitled, "And yet some can."
In an addendum to my last post I mentioned a friend of mine and my SO's who has terminal cancer.
My heart is very heavy. She isn't really my friend (as she herself once said!) but is a friend of my partner's. But I am feeling her loss so keenly because she was one of those rare people who brought joy to everyone she met. Running counter to type, and oh, so antithetical to the woman I described in my previous post and called "Clueless", L. (my friend who is dying), felt it was her moral obligation to use her large unearned wealth not only to give to charities (she gave money and land) but to treat her less fortunate friends. No matter where she was (and she spent quite a lot of time out of the country) she always remembered to give my partner a membership to the Museum of Modern Art as a birthday present. Not only was she ever generous, she also never let my partner's birthday pass unacknowledged. She renewed this membership every year. If she was going to be gone during my partner's birthday month, she hand-delivered a card with the new MOMA card in it the month before. This membership has brought us countless hours of enrichment and pleasure.
Several times L. gave us a check when we went on vacation. And if she met people for lunch, she always picked up the check and left a large tip. No dickering, no bickering.
As I've said, I believe that people with unearned wealth start life with a large moral deficit, and L. more than made up for hers, and then some.
Even as I am writing this, she will be boarding a plane to spend her last months in the MidWest with her sisters. She had a mutual friend call up my partner to say goodbye.
Even though L. and I were not close friends, I will miss her a lot. She loved life and brought joy to so many people.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
The Eye of the Needle
"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25)
This was the subject of last Sunday's sermon and I must say, yes, I believe that.
Like all Americans, I can respect an entrepreneur, but inherited wealth is something else. In my book, people with inherited wealth owe the universe a lot in order to redeem themselves morally and spiritually.
The first thing I would tell them is that "Charity begins at home, and screw whether or not it's tax deductible" for starters.
The impetus for this post, in the interests of full disclosure, came not from the Bible reading, but from my strong feeling that I should end a friendship (or ease out of it to the extent that I am still in it).
There are three people whom I feel acquitted themselves very poorly on the 65th birthday that I never had, and I will hold their feet to the fire for quite some time. These are all "friends" sort of, but are they?
One woman is primarily a friend of my partner's. She says she sent me a birthday card but that it came back because it had the wrong ZIP code. If that had been the only snafu, I would probably blow it off, as she is primarily my partner's friend. On the other hand, this woman (at 70) still snivels like a child if a friend forgets to send her a birthday card, so doesn't she know about the Golden Rule? If a card is important to her, shouldn't it be important to me also, especially on a birthday when many people I know have gotten expensive trips, parties, flowers, and jewelry. You can read more here.
As I said, I am not going to hold onto a killer resentment over this, but this friend will never get another birthday card from me (or from my partner, because I am the one who buys them).
Another woman actually has been a very very very good friend, although she is bristly, and I never know when she is going to take out after me. She has done many generous things for me and my partner. Now she has moved across the continent, and I am at a point where I need friends here for a whole variety of reasons. Rather ironically, she too sent me a birthday card which apparently came back because it didn't have an apartment number on it. So she wrote to me and told me and asked me what should she do??? Send it again or save it for next year!! Kidding, right? If I had screwed up like that (particularly on a special birthday) I would not say boo, but would take my fingers to the Jacquie Lawson web site (she was actually one of the people who introduced me to it) and send a big flashy "happy belated birthday" card. I mean if I were singing and I made a mistake, I wouldn't stop with egg on my face and ask the audience "oh no, what should I dooooo?"
But these are small matters. As time passes, I am not going to stay angry with either of these people although I will never acknowledge their birthdays again. (As an aside, the second woman was having some minor surgery so I sent her a get well card from the Jacquie Lawson site, by way of "modeling" good behavior. She thanked me. Whether she "got it" is anyone's guess.) I think my anger at this woman stems mostly from my having confided in her before my birthday telling her how depressed I was that I had gotten to be 65 and didn't know anyone with the wherewithal or interest to do anything to see that I had a special day, even something small.
But here's the worst. There is a woman I have known for over 30 years who is independently wealthy. She was, yes, a friend, and we spent good times together both one on one, with my partner, and with other friends, but, knowing how wealthy she was I was always horrified at how stingy she was. For example she would dicker over a restaurant tip, or count pennies when dividing up a restaurant check, even knowing that the other five people at the table probably had one twentieth the amount of money she had. Tacky. After her mother died she became even wealthier and at one point she said she had no idea how to spend all that money on - herself!! Hello??? Now, true, she gives a lot of money to various charities, but charity begins at home IMHO and it can start with picking up the check in a restaurant if you are having a meal with two people whose incomes put them in the second to the bottom quintile, for example . Or giving someone a theater ticket that you can't use. I remember her offering me a ticket to a Broadway show, telling me it cost $60. When I said that was too much, I could see her eyes clicking like a calculator seeing how much she could get for it. So I bought it from her for $40. But the point is that IMHO the whole thing was "unseemly" as my mother would have said. My mother was relatively poor, but she would never have tried to sell anyone a theater ticket. If she couldn't use it or exchange it for a "rain check", she would give it to someone, either someone who didn't feel they could afford to go to the theater, or maybe someone well off who had done her a favor that she hadn't yet been able to repay.
So to cut to the chase, this woman did not acknowledge my birthday in any way. She knows when it is and in fact was always one of the people who would come along when we had lunch in a restaurant (and she usually made a scene about the service or about the tip). She was traveling. That's what she does now: segue from one luxury cruise to another. So OK, I didn't expect her to interrupt her travels to come join me and my partner for lunch but a Jacquie Lawson card (ah, love ya, Jacquie!) wouldn't have gone amiss if she wasn't near a card store. Or she could have spent what she would have spent on lunch and wired me flowers.
This has come up again because she found a moment between travels (the first she's had since July!!!) to visit my partner. They had lunch. I didn't even ask if she paid for the lunch because believe me, if she didn't, she is even sleazier than I thought she was. On the other hand she was very helpful to my partner about various legal and financial matters, so that's something
This morning I got an email from her asking if I could have dinner on Thursday and she said if not then, sometime soon. I wrote back and said that Thursday was now choir practice night, and I thanked her for being helpful to my partner.
I am not saying here that I am writing her off forever and ever, and at this point I don't want to read her the riot act. But I'm not up for dinner right now. Maybe after she squeezes herself through the eye of a needle.
Oh, and that reminds me, I really need to try to catch hold of the woman at the Senior Home where I want to do my birthday concert, so that I can put the date on my calendar. When I invite people I will tell them it's my birthday and that the only "presents" I want are for them to come, preferably with a cell phone camera to make videos, and that flowers are always appreciated. What diva doesn't want flowers?
ETA: I need to add a few things here. First, I just found out that a friend of my partner's, who is primarily a friend of the first woman I mentioned here, has terminal cancer. Obviously, devastating news like that, and the effect it has on everyone, trumps small concerns such as what I wrote here. I am taking note, and mean to be grateful for what I have. Second, Clueless Rich Lady sent a second email to me asking when would be a good time for her, me and my partner to have lunch. I am just going to let it sit. I will ask my therapist (seeing her Tuesday) what to do. The issue is less that I never want to see Clueless again, but that right now I am too angry and worry that if I go to lunch I will just lose it, which is something I don't want to do. Obviously this is not just about this birthday. It is about my anger in general at rich people who are stingy, and has been building for a while. And lastly, lest people think I'm just a shallow spoiled princess, my meltdown over this birthday fiasco was one of those watersheds that people have in their lives from time to time. It was about feeling like Cinderella surrounded by rich, befriended people whose friends and families throw them parties and take them on vacations (material things I care less about); feeling that, I suppose, because of choices I have made and chance, I managed to reach the age of 65 without knowing the sort of people who have either the wherewithal or the interest in making a special day for me (and considering how little money I have and how much time I spend caregiving and how few treats I have other than singing, which is something I provide for myself, I deserve one); and ending up with a loved one who would rather have a tantrum about my cleavage than see me happy. So it was if nothing else a wakeup call that I need to make changes, and maybe letting my relationship with Clueless chill for awhile can be one of them.
This was the subject of last Sunday's sermon and I must say, yes, I believe that.
Like all Americans, I can respect an entrepreneur, but inherited wealth is something else. In my book, people with inherited wealth owe the universe a lot in order to redeem themselves morally and spiritually.
The first thing I would tell them is that "Charity begins at home, and screw whether or not it's tax deductible" for starters.
The impetus for this post, in the interests of full disclosure, came not from the Bible reading, but from my strong feeling that I should end a friendship (or ease out of it to the extent that I am still in it).
There are three people whom I feel acquitted themselves very poorly on the 65th birthday that I never had, and I will hold their feet to the fire for quite some time. These are all "friends" sort of, but are they?
One woman is primarily a friend of my partner's. She says she sent me a birthday card but that it came back because it had the wrong ZIP code. If that had been the only snafu, I would probably blow it off, as she is primarily my partner's friend. On the other hand, this woman (at 70) still snivels like a child if a friend forgets to send her a birthday card, so doesn't she know about the Golden Rule? If a card is important to her, shouldn't it be important to me also, especially on a birthday when many people I know have gotten expensive trips, parties, flowers, and jewelry. You can read more here.
As I said, I am not going to hold onto a killer resentment over this, but this friend will never get another birthday card from me (or from my partner, because I am the one who buys them).
Another woman actually has been a very very very good friend, although she is bristly, and I never know when she is going to take out after me. She has done many generous things for me and my partner. Now she has moved across the continent, and I am at a point where I need friends here for a whole variety of reasons. Rather ironically, she too sent me a birthday card which apparently came back because it didn't have an apartment number on it. So she wrote to me and told me and asked me what should she do??? Send it again or save it for next year!! Kidding, right? If I had screwed up like that (particularly on a special birthday) I would not say boo, but would take my fingers to the Jacquie Lawson web site (she was actually one of the people who introduced me to it) and send a big flashy "happy belated birthday" card. I mean if I were singing and I made a mistake, I wouldn't stop with egg on my face and ask the audience "oh no, what should I dooooo?"
But these are small matters. As time passes, I am not going to stay angry with either of these people although I will never acknowledge their birthdays again. (As an aside, the second woman was having some minor surgery so I sent her a get well card from the Jacquie Lawson site, by way of "modeling" good behavior. She thanked me. Whether she "got it" is anyone's guess.) I think my anger at this woman stems mostly from my having confided in her before my birthday telling her how depressed I was that I had gotten to be 65 and didn't know anyone with the wherewithal or interest to do anything to see that I had a special day, even something small.
But here's the worst. There is a woman I have known for over 30 years who is independently wealthy. She was, yes, a friend, and we spent good times together both one on one, with my partner, and with other friends, but, knowing how wealthy she was I was always horrified at how stingy she was. For example she would dicker over a restaurant tip, or count pennies when dividing up a restaurant check, even knowing that the other five people at the table probably had one twentieth the amount of money she had. Tacky. After her mother died she became even wealthier and at one point she said she had no idea how to spend all that money on - herself!! Hello??? Now, true, she gives a lot of money to various charities, but charity begins at home IMHO and it can start with picking up the check in a restaurant if you are having a meal with two people whose incomes put them in the second to the bottom quintile, for example . Or giving someone a theater ticket that you can't use. I remember her offering me a ticket to a Broadway show, telling me it cost $60. When I said that was too much, I could see her eyes clicking like a calculator seeing how much she could get for it. So I bought it from her for $40. But the point is that IMHO the whole thing was "unseemly" as my mother would have said. My mother was relatively poor, but she would never have tried to sell anyone a theater ticket. If she couldn't use it or exchange it for a "rain check", she would give it to someone, either someone who didn't feel they could afford to go to the theater, or maybe someone well off who had done her a favor that she hadn't yet been able to repay.
So to cut to the chase, this woman did not acknowledge my birthday in any way. She knows when it is and in fact was always one of the people who would come along when we had lunch in a restaurant (and she usually made a scene about the service or about the tip). She was traveling. That's what she does now: segue from one luxury cruise to another. So OK, I didn't expect her to interrupt her travels to come join me and my partner for lunch but a Jacquie Lawson card (ah, love ya, Jacquie!) wouldn't have gone amiss if she wasn't near a card store. Or she could have spent what she would have spent on lunch and wired me flowers.
This has come up again because she found a moment between travels (the first she's had since July!!!) to visit my partner. They had lunch. I didn't even ask if she paid for the lunch because believe me, if she didn't, she is even sleazier than I thought she was. On the other hand she was very helpful to my partner about various legal and financial matters, so that's something
This morning I got an email from her asking if I could have dinner on Thursday and she said if not then, sometime soon. I wrote back and said that Thursday was now choir practice night, and I thanked her for being helpful to my partner.
I am not saying here that I am writing her off forever and ever, and at this point I don't want to read her the riot act. But I'm not up for dinner right now. Maybe after she squeezes herself through the eye of a needle.
Oh, and that reminds me, I really need to try to catch hold of the woman at the Senior Home where I want to do my birthday concert, so that I can put the date on my calendar. When I invite people I will tell them it's my birthday and that the only "presents" I want are for them to come, preferably with a cell phone camera to make videos, and that flowers are always appreciated. What diva doesn't want flowers?
ETA: I need to add a few things here. First, I just found out that a friend of my partner's, who is primarily a friend of the first woman I mentioned here, has terminal cancer. Obviously, devastating news like that, and the effect it has on everyone, trumps small concerns such as what I wrote here. I am taking note, and mean to be grateful for what I have. Second, Clueless Rich Lady sent a second email to me asking when would be a good time for her, me and my partner to have lunch. I am just going to let it sit. I will ask my therapist (seeing her Tuesday) what to do. The issue is less that I never want to see Clueless again, but that right now I am too angry and worry that if I go to lunch I will just lose it, which is something I don't want to do. Obviously this is not just about this birthday. It is about my anger in general at rich people who are stingy, and has been building for a while. And lastly, lest people think I'm just a shallow spoiled princess, my meltdown over this birthday fiasco was one of those watersheds that people have in their lives from time to time. It was about feeling like Cinderella surrounded by rich, befriended people whose friends and families throw them parties and take them on vacations (material things I care less about); feeling that, I suppose, because of choices I have made and chance, I managed to reach the age of 65 without knowing the sort of people who have either the wherewithal or the interest in making a special day for me (and considering how little money I have and how much time I spend caregiving and how few treats I have other than singing, which is something I provide for myself, I deserve one); and ending up with a loved one who would rather have a tantrum about my cleavage than see me happy. So it was if nothing else a wakeup call that I need to make changes, and maybe letting my relationship with Clueless chill for awhile can be one of them.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Hard Work Pays Off
Last night was, for me, a small triumph. The choir picked up the Handel for the first time, and as there were three women's parts, the choir director started out assigning the top alto part (which has a range of about five notes - it's not low, but it doesn't go anywhere) to second sopranos, but then noticed that there would only be one woman left to sing the top part. She is a trained singer (mostly musical theater) and sings with a nice line, as well as having a solid high B flat. So I offered to sing it (does this mean last night? does this mean for real?) because I had learned it at home. It is not high. It has a lot of melismatic singing going back and forth to a G which is in solid operatic mezzo territory. The phrases require top-notch breath control, but there are plenty of instrumental interludes to recoup.
Because it was a new piece of music, it was not riddled with bad habits (like the soprano line in the "Halleluia Chorus"). This type of singing is something I do well. In the past I would have been terrified that I was going to sound too loud, so I would have sung with a raised larynx in a "spread" position, which would have sound strident, not to mention left me terrified that I was not going to make it. This time I just sang with my real voice: dark vowels, larynx down, palate up, mouth not too wide open, to "mute" some of the volume. I did not get tired. I can easily sing this on a Sunday morning after a few runthroughs (just on "oo" if necessary) and not get tired.
I mean if some "real" sopranos show up, this may have been a flash in the pan. There is a pair of twins with trained light lyric soprano voices (one used to sing professionally) who show up sometimes on Sundays to sing music that they know, so if they can "help out" I may be bumped downstairs, but the point is I proved (to myself mostly) that I could sing this without being nervous or getting tired.
It's too bad that even the middle women's part is so boring, though. I have sung Bach alto parts, even ones that are really too low to showcase my voice, which I have liked, because at least there was something to sink my teeth into, mostly long melismatic phrases requiring good breath control. But the lower women's parts in this piece really have nothing to offer. The issue is not only the limited range, but the fact that the lower parts don't require singing for as long as the higher part, so it's all very "utilitarian".
Well, if nothing else, this has lit a fire under me to learn the solo version of Lauridsen's "O Magnum Mysterium". It has a number of Gs. And as I will be scheduling this with the Director of Music Ministries, who seems to have more eclectic taste in vocal colors than the choir director, it may fly. But it would have to be late in the season, ideally on Mary Sunday (which has a number of names). Otherwise I will look at "Bereite Dich Zion". That's an "alto" piece, but it's not low and it is showy, as most Bach solos are. Cuz, yanno? I'm a showy kind of gal.
Because it was a new piece of music, it was not riddled with bad habits (like the soprano line in the "Halleluia Chorus"). This type of singing is something I do well. In the past I would have been terrified that I was going to sound too loud, so I would have sung with a raised larynx in a "spread" position, which would have sound strident, not to mention left me terrified that I was not going to make it. This time I just sang with my real voice: dark vowels, larynx down, palate up, mouth not too wide open, to "mute" some of the volume. I did not get tired. I can easily sing this on a Sunday morning after a few runthroughs (just on "oo" if necessary) and not get tired.
I mean if some "real" sopranos show up, this may have been a flash in the pan. There is a pair of twins with trained light lyric soprano voices (one used to sing professionally) who show up sometimes on Sundays to sing music that they know, so if they can "help out" I may be bumped downstairs, but the point is I proved (to myself mostly) that I could sing this without being nervous or getting tired.
It's too bad that even the middle women's part is so boring, though. I have sung Bach alto parts, even ones that are really too low to showcase my voice, which I have liked, because at least there was something to sink my teeth into, mostly long melismatic phrases requiring good breath control. But the lower women's parts in this piece really have nothing to offer. The issue is not only the limited range, but the fact that the lower parts don't require singing for as long as the higher part, so it's all very "utilitarian".
Well, if nothing else, this has lit a fire under me to learn the solo version of Lauridsen's "O Magnum Mysterium". It has a number of Gs. And as I will be scheduling this with the Director of Music Ministries, who seems to have more eclectic taste in vocal colors than the choir director, it may fly. But it would have to be late in the season, ideally on Mary Sunday (which has a number of names). Otherwise I will look at "Bereite Dich Zion". That's an "alto" piece, but it's not low and it is showy, as most Bach solos are. Cuz, yanno? I'm a showy kind of gal.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Save the Date
Well, metaphorically speaking.
I now have a definite date for my Carmen concert. It will be at the LGBT senior center where my partner gets services, after they have dinner, on Monday May 2, 2016. My voice teacher will be singing Don Jose. His wife may be the narrator. She is a contralto who is a good actress and would definitely be able to give it the right tone. We are getting the same, superb pianist we had before. He told me he has played for operatic concerts there before. My teacher will look for a Micaela. If we can get the woman who sang before, that would be lovely. Whether or not she can sing from memory (or whether or not I am wearing my glasses) will not be relevant, because we will be singing from books (note to self: remember to find out if they have music stands; if not, remind teacher to bring one, and we can share it).
I asked if I could invite guests and was told yes, but that they had to be over 60. That makes perfect sense, as they don't want to have to turn away clients because young people are hogging the seats (not that I think we will get that huge a turnout). Most of my personal friends are that age anyhow, with a few exceptions. If someone wants to bring my SO as a carer I don't think it will matter how old that person is.
I am mostly over this cold. Today when I warmed up I sang a high C sharp. The B in the Seguidilla (and all those low chest tones) are still not the best notes I can sing, but then that piece is not something that shows off my voice all that much. We have opened the cut in the last act as well as the cuts that the previous producer made in the "castanets" scene, so I need to rework those.
As for choir solos, I am going to see if I can sing "Bereite Dich Zion" during Advent. Once the choir schedule comes out (after Thanksgiving) I will see where there is an empty anthem spot. Then next year I would like to order the piano/vocal arrangement of the Verdi "Ave Maria with Strings" so that maybe I can excerpt something for the following year. Otherwise I seem to have run out of new pieces for Advent.
And we will see about the rest of the church year. I like to do something every season.
This is not the most inspired post I have written, but I want to say thumbs up that I now have a date on my calendar to sing something!
I now have a definite date for my Carmen concert. It will be at the LGBT senior center where my partner gets services, after they have dinner, on Monday May 2, 2016. My voice teacher will be singing Don Jose. His wife may be the narrator. She is a contralto who is a good actress and would definitely be able to give it the right tone. We are getting the same, superb pianist we had before. He told me he has played for operatic concerts there before. My teacher will look for a Micaela. If we can get the woman who sang before, that would be lovely. Whether or not she can sing from memory (or whether or not I am wearing my glasses) will not be relevant, because we will be singing from books (note to self: remember to find out if they have music stands; if not, remind teacher to bring one, and we can share it).
I asked if I could invite guests and was told yes, but that they had to be over 60. That makes perfect sense, as they don't want to have to turn away clients because young people are hogging the seats (not that I think we will get that huge a turnout). Most of my personal friends are that age anyhow, with a few exceptions. If someone wants to bring my SO as a carer I don't think it will matter how old that person is.
I am mostly over this cold. Today when I warmed up I sang a high C sharp. The B in the Seguidilla (and all those low chest tones) are still not the best notes I can sing, but then that piece is not something that shows off my voice all that much. We have opened the cut in the last act as well as the cuts that the previous producer made in the "castanets" scene, so I need to rework those.
As for choir solos, I am going to see if I can sing "Bereite Dich Zion" during Advent. Once the choir schedule comes out (after Thanksgiving) I will see where there is an empty anthem spot. Then next year I would like to order the piano/vocal arrangement of the Verdi "Ave Maria with Strings" so that maybe I can excerpt something for the following year. Otherwise I seem to have run out of new pieces for Advent.
And we will see about the rest of the church year. I like to do something every season.
This is not the most inspired post I have written, but I want to say thumbs up that I now have a date on my calendar to sing something!
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