I certainly have always felt that way. The worse I feel about my singing (either from a technical standpoint or just in terms of where I fit in the bigger picture) the more blog posts I write.
Why am I feeling bad? I have been singing better and haven't had any more asthma attacks. The Bolena duet sounds good. I am learning the December Songs. I may even try to do something with Winterreise around my 70th birthday. I can start planning on my 69th. Thursday I will bite the bullet and ask the choir director if there are any "solo bits" on Good Friday. I don't expect anything as perfect as what I got last year. I would be happy with the alto line in a solo quartet or trio. I think what makes me nervous is that something has given me an inkling (our last writing assigment in a writing contest I am in was "inkling"; now I'm realizing I could have used the inkling I'm about to mention) that the choir director has been talking to the new dramatic soprano about Good Friday, which does not make me feel great. Even last year when he assigned me the solo I didn't know about it until we had been working on the music for several weeks as a group.
Certain people are always "triggers". Unfortunately, one of the women I "unfriended" on Facebook (or she unfriended me) because I said something about singers being self-involved, which she didn't like, is the friend of someone who is a dear friend of mine on Facebook. This dear friend is also a singer, but she is a good person and has been through a lot, and she was very helpful to me in choosing some lighter repertoire. (Of course part of me is sad that she has never said to me "You will really sing the daylights out of [fillintheblank with some impressive aria]" the way she has often said to Envy Trigger.)
Anyhow, Envy Trigger, who is probably in her late 30s, and has had her share of heartbreak and depression, nonetheless is now singing "big girl" opera roles here, there, and yonder (noplace stellar, and I don't know if any of it is for money) and I am not. I feel all that repertoire slipping away. I have a wider range than I ever had, but the stamina required to do that kind of singing continues to feel daunting. I can do it if "all the stars are in alignment", if not, not. I mean I can't second guess myself into the bottom of the alto section, the way a woman in my choir who is a few years older than I am has done. I'm sure she could sing more than she has been singing, but she has become so phobic (she also hasn't studied in years) that she now won't sing anything above an E and won't really sing solos anymore either. And on the few occasions when she's had a solo line she sounds very nervous. I won't let anything like that happen to me. Just because I blew that high A on a morning when I had an asthma attack doesn't spell doom. It was a one-off.
So I can sing sweet songs: Hoiby and Rorem and Maury Yeston. And a few arias here and there. I can still sing Rossini which flows trippingly off the tongue and doesn't seem to require the stamina needed to pack a punch at the end of, say, "Acerba Volutta".
I want so much to love my "small life" with my "small performance opportunities" and I pray for that willingness every day - but then there's Envy Trigger.
Showing posts with label vocal technique. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vocal technique. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Friday, January 25, 2019
The Ugly Dachshund Redux
I spent the first six or seven years in my choir feeling like The Ugly Dachshund. (For those who don't know, The Ugly Dachshund was first a book, then a movie - the book is better - about a Great Dane who thinks he is a Dachshund and therefore thinks he's ugly.)
Everything I sang was too loud; I was constantly nudged to want to sing alto (no! as I've written about on numerous occasions, singing in that limited range, which is mostly around my passaggio break, is at best unsatisfying and at worst useless as a vocal workout). I do sing alto in some of the masterworks (particularly Bach) where there are only two women's parts and the ranges of both are somewhat higher. Although there's still that hated "gap". By which I mean that choral soprano and alto parts are usually one fifth apart. As a mezzo, my voice is a third lower than a normal soprano's. Fortunately, somewhere along the line, the choir director started picking pieces with multiple women's parts so I found a home as a second soprano. It was perfect. I pretty much never had to sing a high A, but could sing lots of Es, Fs, and the occasional G, which is what I need to be doing to maintain vocal health. If I am not getting paid, singing in this choir needs to be a worthwhile and rewarding experience.
Even though as a child I imitated Julie Andrews (my first vocal solo was "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" in a school assembly when I was 6) once I grew up I never had that "float-y", shimmery, head-y sound that characterizes the soprano voice at its loveliest and most ethereal. When you think about it, neither does Julie Andrews. I heard a few clips of her singing coloratura arias as a teenager and her voice sounds a lot like Roberta Peters's: bell-like and wiry, but not ethereal, like, say, the voice of Natalie Dessay And then of course I started smoking. And like most New Yorkers, I speak entirely in my chest register. So it took years of study after I was "discovered" at 54 not just to extend my range upwards, but to liberate all that head voice. At lessons and at home I do a lot of singing on oo before I do anything else. The most scathing critiques I got about my singing during the early period (when I was going to auditions, between the ages of 56 and 60, let's say) was that I had very little head register and my voice sounded "locked". I also needed to clear out my sinuses which I did, finally, with the Neti pot. By 2014 or 2015 the way I sang had changed entirely. A fringe benefit was that not only was my operatic singing easier, I could also sing a choir soprano part in pure head voice, keeping the dynamic down sometimes as low as pp, without "getting off the voice".
During my "ugly Dachshund" period, I shed a lot of tears over comments from the choir director. I don't think he ever said anything nice about my singing unless I sang an alto solo. He didn't want me to sing "Rejoice Greatly". He thought I should transpose "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" down. When I said no, he made me make a cut. I felt a lot of despair. I mean it's one thing to know I'm not singing well and quite another to feel that my voice is simply not to someone's taste so they will never like what I do, even when I do it well.
I am not going to re-hash here all the brouhaha about the singer I refer to as "Little Miss". That is ancient history and I think the whole thing was a learning experience; namely, that if you're leading a group, it's probably not a good idea to make a "fuss" over one person in public.
After that things went on fairly smoothly for a while.
So I was startled last night by the following. We had been singing a piece with multiple parts. Both of the soprano parts were fairly high (the first soprano part went up to a B with an optional C and the second soprano part went up to a G). The new dramatic soprano (whose voice is at least as big as mine if not bigger) was not there. There were two very light sopranos singing. After the rehearsal he went up to one of them (privately) and told her how wonderful she sounded. Since I overheard them, I kind of gave him a quizzical look and all he said to me was "I know that part is very high". I told him it was in a very comfortable range for me - I mean my part, the second soprano part, obviously. So he said "it just is meant to be light and sort of child-like". After that we had a nice talk, but it still stung. Feeling that one person was getting a compliment and I was getting (once again) some veiled criticism. I mean I doubt the new dramatic soprano can sound "childlike". Would he say something like that to her? I doubt it. He always goes up to her and thanks her for singing as if by singing she's doing him a favor. Which I guess she is. She has a lot of other vocal fish to fry.
I am actually surprised by how despondent I feel. Possibly, the pain of that disaster on December 30 is still with me although I know it was most likely caused by my having had an asthma attack, leading to a situation where my being short of breath for physical reasons (and also for feeling like all my vocal apparatus was inflamed) led to my panicking and ending up short of breath for psychological reasons.
I think partly the issue here is that the choir director is impressed by sopranos with float-y voices (even the new dramatic soprano sort of has one; her voice is big, but it's not "gritty" the way mine is). He also likes very young people. (The woman he complimented yesterday is in her 20s). It seems that the younger someone is the more likely he is to give them a compliment. If the person is female. He also likes low basses.
I don't want to feel sad. I was so happy thinking about my new plan to focus on nursing home concerts in an active way, not in a reactive way because I see it as the best I can do. I now have two serious "nibbles" about full-length concerts that I am going to follow up. Wednesday I had a lesson and we talked about concert repertoire. I ordered Yeston's December Songs. I am madly in love with them and can hardly wait to sing them.
Sitting here now I am crying, and want to kick myself.
ETA: It is now Sunday afternoon. The anthem went well. The dramatic soprano was not there. I nailed all the Gs sweetly enough not to elicit a raised eyebrow. As a point of gossip, "choir girl" (have no idea how I thought up that name for her) didn't sit with the choir because she brought a "guest" to the service. She has done that before, but the last time at least the guest was her Mom from out of town. Surprised that that didn't elicit a raised eyebrow.
Everything I sang was too loud; I was constantly nudged to want to sing alto (no! as I've written about on numerous occasions, singing in that limited range, which is mostly around my passaggio break, is at best unsatisfying and at worst useless as a vocal workout). I do sing alto in some of the masterworks (particularly Bach) where there are only two women's parts and the ranges of both are somewhat higher. Although there's still that hated "gap". By which I mean that choral soprano and alto parts are usually one fifth apart. As a mezzo, my voice is a third lower than a normal soprano's. Fortunately, somewhere along the line, the choir director started picking pieces with multiple women's parts so I found a home as a second soprano. It was perfect. I pretty much never had to sing a high A, but could sing lots of Es, Fs, and the occasional G, which is what I need to be doing to maintain vocal health. If I am not getting paid, singing in this choir needs to be a worthwhile and rewarding experience.
Even though as a child I imitated Julie Andrews (my first vocal solo was "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" in a school assembly when I was 6) once I grew up I never had that "float-y", shimmery, head-y sound that characterizes the soprano voice at its loveliest and most ethereal. When you think about it, neither does Julie Andrews. I heard a few clips of her singing coloratura arias as a teenager and her voice sounds a lot like Roberta Peters's: bell-like and wiry, but not ethereal, like, say, the voice of Natalie Dessay And then of course I started smoking. And like most New Yorkers, I speak entirely in my chest register. So it took years of study after I was "discovered" at 54 not just to extend my range upwards, but to liberate all that head voice. At lessons and at home I do a lot of singing on oo before I do anything else. The most scathing critiques I got about my singing during the early period (when I was going to auditions, between the ages of 56 and 60, let's say) was that I had very little head register and my voice sounded "locked". I also needed to clear out my sinuses which I did, finally, with the Neti pot. By 2014 or 2015 the way I sang had changed entirely. A fringe benefit was that not only was my operatic singing easier, I could also sing a choir soprano part in pure head voice, keeping the dynamic down sometimes as low as pp, without "getting off the voice".
During my "ugly Dachshund" period, I shed a lot of tears over comments from the choir director. I don't think he ever said anything nice about my singing unless I sang an alto solo. He didn't want me to sing "Rejoice Greatly". He thought I should transpose "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" down. When I said no, he made me make a cut. I felt a lot of despair. I mean it's one thing to know I'm not singing well and quite another to feel that my voice is simply not to someone's taste so they will never like what I do, even when I do it well.
I am not going to re-hash here all the brouhaha about the singer I refer to as "Little Miss". That is ancient history and I think the whole thing was a learning experience; namely, that if you're leading a group, it's probably not a good idea to make a "fuss" over one person in public.
After that things went on fairly smoothly for a while.
So I was startled last night by the following. We had been singing a piece with multiple parts. Both of the soprano parts were fairly high (the first soprano part went up to a B with an optional C and the second soprano part went up to a G). The new dramatic soprano (whose voice is at least as big as mine if not bigger) was not there. There were two very light sopranos singing. After the rehearsal he went up to one of them (privately) and told her how wonderful she sounded. Since I overheard them, I kind of gave him a quizzical look and all he said to me was "I know that part is very high". I told him it was in a very comfortable range for me - I mean my part, the second soprano part, obviously. So he said "it just is meant to be light and sort of child-like". After that we had a nice talk, but it still stung. Feeling that one person was getting a compliment and I was getting (once again) some veiled criticism. I mean I doubt the new dramatic soprano can sound "childlike". Would he say something like that to her? I doubt it. He always goes up to her and thanks her for singing as if by singing she's doing him a favor. Which I guess she is. She has a lot of other vocal fish to fry.
I am actually surprised by how despondent I feel. Possibly, the pain of that disaster on December 30 is still with me although I know it was most likely caused by my having had an asthma attack, leading to a situation where my being short of breath for physical reasons (and also for feeling like all my vocal apparatus was inflamed) led to my panicking and ending up short of breath for psychological reasons.
I think partly the issue here is that the choir director is impressed by sopranos with float-y voices (even the new dramatic soprano sort of has one; her voice is big, but it's not "gritty" the way mine is). He also likes very young people. (The woman he complimented yesterday is in her 20s). It seems that the younger someone is the more likely he is to give them a compliment. If the person is female. He also likes low basses.
I don't want to feel sad. I was so happy thinking about my new plan to focus on nursing home concerts in an active way, not in a reactive way because I see it as the best I can do. I now have two serious "nibbles" about full-length concerts that I am going to follow up. Wednesday I had a lesson and we talked about concert repertoire. I ordered Yeston's December Songs. I am madly in love with them and can hardly wait to sing them.
Sitting here now I am crying, and want to kick myself.
ETA: It is now Sunday afternoon. The anthem went well. The dramatic soprano was not there. I nailed all the Gs sweetly enough not to elicit a raised eyebrow. As a point of gossip, "choir girl" (have no idea how I thought up that name for her) didn't sit with the choir because she brought a "guest" to the service. She has done that before, but the last time at least the guest was her Mom from out of town. Surprised that that didn't elicit a raised eyebrow.
Thursday, December 13, 2018
A Bummer
Yesterday's lesson did not end well, which is something that has not happened for a long time.
The short version is: after doing my regular exercises and singing through my solo for December 30 (a solo version of the carol "I Wonder as I Wander", which I transposed up so that the top note is an F sharp), I tried to read through "Non piu di Fiori" from La Clemenza di Tito. I did a great job until I got to the last page at which point I ran out of steam and realized that no way could I get up to that high A and hold it for 5 counts. Yes, I can now hold a high A for 5 counts (did it in the opening to the Bolena duet that I sang with my teacher in several concerts) but this A comes after two pages of singing without a break. And no ad libbing.
As I've said, my high register has gotten a lot better, and I've sung a lot of flashy and challenging things, but I realize that these are mostly bel canto arias where the singer can take lots of liberties leading up to difficult passages (or the passages themselves are improvised cadenzas), including dropping out of the vocal line for 2-4 measures before the final climax (which is an old tradition).
Anyhow, my teacher was annoyed with me for "giving up" (I had no trouble singing the phrase with the high note if I just sang the note and the few measures leading up to it) but then we agreed that if I was not "madly in love" with the piece it was not worth putting in all that hard work. (As a contrast, I was madly in love with "Tanti Affetti" and was able to master all the florid passages with the high B flats, but as I said, most of those were a piacere).
And whether or not I was madly in love with "Non piu di Fiori", I don't think it would have "mass appeal" for the only non-church audiences I now sing for: in nursing homes. "Tanti Affetti" did have mass appeal, because like all Rossini, it's bouncy.
So my teacher and I decided that I should go back to "O Mio Fernando", something I have not sung in years, but that I always sang well. And maybe I'll go back to working on "Bel Raggio", the (putative) soprano aria from Semiramide (I say "putative" because it only goes up to an A and I found it in one of my mezzo aria books.)
The irony at my lesson, come to think of it, was that I had wanted to sing through "Bel Raggio" but my teacher didn't have a copy of it.
I think another problem is that I have been hit hard with my winter respiratory problems. My bronchial tubes are full of dry mucus. I cough, I wheeze, I blow my nose constantly. And this despite using my Neti pot every morning (I won't be scared away by stories of fatal amoebas; I boil the water first.) So at my lesson, even in the beginning, singing was hard work.
And to end it all, it doesn't help that I am seeing posts on Facebook that often involve conversations among some of the people I had unfriended because I was envious of them (or maybe they unfriended me because I said things that were nasty; see previous post) so I am deeply engaged with the green-eyed monster again.
Recently I have disengaged from him/it by staying away from "real" singers, other than my teacher, and what I can watch on Youtube. I don't need to hear women in their 30s talk about repetoire and all the auditions they are going to and (among the worst of the worst) how much they despise amateurs and pretenders. I am much happier when I confine my performing arts consumption to instrumental music and ballet, with the occasional stop to hear lieder.
So, OK. now it's time to pull up my socks and look forward to spending January networking to schedule a concert.
The short version is: after doing my regular exercises and singing through my solo for December 30 (a solo version of the carol "I Wonder as I Wander", which I transposed up so that the top note is an F sharp), I tried to read through "Non piu di Fiori" from La Clemenza di Tito. I did a great job until I got to the last page at which point I ran out of steam and realized that no way could I get up to that high A and hold it for 5 counts. Yes, I can now hold a high A for 5 counts (did it in the opening to the Bolena duet that I sang with my teacher in several concerts) but this A comes after two pages of singing without a break. And no ad libbing.
As I've said, my high register has gotten a lot better, and I've sung a lot of flashy and challenging things, but I realize that these are mostly bel canto arias where the singer can take lots of liberties leading up to difficult passages (or the passages themselves are improvised cadenzas), including dropping out of the vocal line for 2-4 measures before the final climax (which is an old tradition).
Anyhow, my teacher was annoyed with me for "giving up" (I had no trouble singing the phrase with the high note if I just sang the note and the few measures leading up to it) but then we agreed that if I was not "madly in love" with the piece it was not worth putting in all that hard work. (As a contrast, I was madly in love with "Tanti Affetti" and was able to master all the florid passages with the high B flats, but as I said, most of those were a piacere).
And whether or not I was madly in love with "Non piu di Fiori", I don't think it would have "mass appeal" for the only non-church audiences I now sing for: in nursing homes. "Tanti Affetti" did have mass appeal, because like all Rossini, it's bouncy.
So my teacher and I decided that I should go back to "O Mio Fernando", something I have not sung in years, but that I always sang well. And maybe I'll go back to working on "Bel Raggio", the (putative) soprano aria from Semiramide (I say "putative" because it only goes up to an A and I found it in one of my mezzo aria books.)
The irony at my lesson, come to think of it, was that I had wanted to sing through "Bel Raggio" but my teacher didn't have a copy of it.
I think another problem is that I have been hit hard with my winter respiratory problems. My bronchial tubes are full of dry mucus. I cough, I wheeze, I blow my nose constantly. And this despite using my Neti pot every morning (I won't be scared away by stories of fatal amoebas; I boil the water first.) So at my lesson, even in the beginning, singing was hard work.
And to end it all, it doesn't help that I am seeing posts on Facebook that often involve conversations among some of the people I had unfriended because I was envious of them (or maybe they unfriended me because I said things that were nasty; see previous post) so I am deeply engaged with the green-eyed monster again.
Recently I have disengaged from him/it by staying away from "real" singers, other than my teacher, and what I can watch on Youtube. I don't need to hear women in their 30s talk about repetoire and all the auditions they are going to and (among the worst of the worst) how much they despise amateurs and pretenders. I am much happier when I confine my performing arts consumption to instrumental music and ballet, with the occasional stop to hear lieder.
So, OK. now it's time to pull up my socks and look forward to spending January networking to schedule a concert.
Saturday, October 6, 2018
A Good Concert
All in all, today's concert went well. The Bolena duet went very well, and that is what I always worry about because it's in a high tessitura and requires a lot of stamina. I thought I used too much chest in the Gioconda duet but when I asked my teacher (and his wife) they said no. I also thought "Mon Coeur" sounded (or felt) labored but it probably didn't sound that way to the audience. I may work on both those early this week. Normally in my practice sessions I have only been singing the Bolena.
The only critical feedback I got from my teacher was he said sometimes I was singing too softly. This again was a room with a low ceiling, which can muffle the sound.
There was a small kerfuffle when we got there because apparently the space had been double booked (with a pianist and two singers, who were doing Mozart) but we were able to work things out by having them use the salon room upstairs. That is a lovely room, just not as large as the room where I was singing.
Also, a few people told me I shouldn't sing "Home Sweet Home" to end nursing home concerts because the people may feel sad that they are not "home". In the past, this thought briefly crossed my mind, but I never really thought about it again because no one has ever seemed upset when I've sung that. I talked about it with my teacher and he said maybe in the future (not for the concert in two weeks, because we have that all mapped out and are not doing additional rehearsals) we can sing "When You Walk Through a Storm" as a duet.
And a woman I used to work with came and brought me flowers. I so love getting flowers and people rarely think of it. She also said she might see about having me sing at a nursing home in Queens where her mother was. I said that would be good in May or June.
The only critical feedback I got from my teacher was he said sometimes I was singing too softly. This again was a room with a low ceiling, which can muffle the sound.
There was a small kerfuffle when we got there because apparently the space had been double booked (with a pianist and two singers, who were doing Mozart) but we were able to work things out by having them use the salon room upstairs. That is a lovely room, just not as large as the room where I was singing.
Also, a few people told me I shouldn't sing "Home Sweet Home" to end nursing home concerts because the people may feel sad that they are not "home". In the past, this thought briefly crossed my mind, but I never really thought about it again because no one has ever seemed upset when I've sung that. I talked about it with my teacher and he said maybe in the future (not for the concert in two weeks, because we have that all mapped out and are not doing additional rehearsals) we can sing "When You Walk Through a Storm" as a duet.
And a woman I used to work with came and brought me flowers. I so love getting flowers and people rarely think of it. She also said she might see about having me sing at a nursing home in Queens where her mother was. I said that would be good in May or June.
Friday, September 14, 2018
Maturity and Serenity
Last week at our first choir rehearsal of the year, with no notice, we were told that we were going to be singing the Randall Thompson "Alleluia" for the first Sunday we were back. So ok. I have sung that before. The last time I (around 6 years ago) I could see how my technique had improved since the first time we sang it (10 years ago - at the choir director's wedding), and now it has improved even more. The progression with the pianissimo High A is not difficult, and as for the "stringendo" section (with two high As) I can handle that if I "tacet" for a few bars right before the progression going up to the A. This is, of course, something that singers customarily do in Bel Canto aria endings, so I am not apologizing for it.
Of course having that piece of music "sprung" on me was annoying. I needed to map it out and sing it into my voice at least once.
I also felt very guilty not singing the alto part because there seem to be fewer and fewer altos these days. It makes sense because most alto parts are pretty thankless to sing even if you are a mezzo. Actually the Alleluia is one of the exceptions. It sits in the middle of the staff, mostly, with a few low notes here and there. But again, the soprano part is not high overall. It has a very wide range, that's all, certainly no wider than the average bel canto aria I would be singing. The only problem is there is a section that goes on with no break, which would be unlikely to happen in an aria.
Yesterday when I got to rehearsal the choir director asked me if I was sure I wanted to sing the soprano part and I said yes. If he had told me to sing the alto part (which I don't know) I would of course have done it. He just said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable trying to blend, and I said I didn't. I said my voice had gotten higher, certainly in the past few years. Actually what has happened is that I have extended my range by two notes on the top and the bottom but my "sweet spot" has probably moved up at least two whole notes. I asked the choir director didn't he notice that my voice had gotten higher and he said well, he did notice I had more control on notes like E, F, and G, which of course is true. Then I showed him the spot I had marked as "tacet". I also asked him if the dramatic soprano who has recently joined the church would be singing and he said no. I told him any time she is singing of course I will sing alto because it would make no sense to have two big voices on the same part. The altos all have small voices although three of them have voices that are very "pretty". And (this was both sweet and workmanlike) the choir director had marked his copy of the stringendo section with the note "strenuous for the sopranos; don't overrehearse!" which I told him I loved.
The reason for this post, though, is that I can now see how much more confidence I have, not just vocally, but conversationally. I no longer feel defensive. Part of that is that a number of the "sour notes" are no longer in the mix. There was the other mezzo who sang soprano who was very grumpy and disagreeable and was always trying to boss me around (she has since given up singing for another career and actually complimented me on Good Friday on my solo). There was the minister's wife (they have since retired and moved) with a small high voice who was always complaining to me and the choir director that I was singing too loud. And of course Little Miss is gone. If you are a new reader, Little Miss was a 20something conservatory student (she has since graduated and is an adjunct professor at a small college) who sang flawlessly, even at 20, and got endless praise and endless solo bits embedded in choir pieces, not to mention endless flogging of her various recitals by the choir director. It was because of all that that I had a meltdown about 5 years ago, which was not my finest hour; on the other hand after that the choir director really changed his behavior and there has been no one since who has elicited that kind of oohing and ahing either from him or anyone else. The new dramatic soprano is quite modest as is the one other trained lyric soprano who occasionally joins us.
So we will see what Sunday will bring. I have a vocal strategy, so I won't be felled by nerves. I will go home early Saturday, not talk much (not hard to do; when I am with my partner I grocery shop and we watch tv), go to bed early (I seem to be asleep before 11 these days no matter what), wake up and eat a good breakfast, bring a protein bar (if my energy flags after the morning rehearsal) and keep pretty much stumm during the service until it's time for the anthem. The piece builds, so the piece itself can be my warmup.
Of course having that piece of music "sprung" on me was annoying. I needed to map it out and sing it into my voice at least once.
I also felt very guilty not singing the alto part because there seem to be fewer and fewer altos these days. It makes sense because most alto parts are pretty thankless to sing even if you are a mezzo. Actually the Alleluia is one of the exceptions. It sits in the middle of the staff, mostly, with a few low notes here and there. But again, the soprano part is not high overall. It has a very wide range, that's all, certainly no wider than the average bel canto aria I would be singing. The only problem is there is a section that goes on with no break, which would be unlikely to happen in an aria.
Yesterday when I got to rehearsal the choir director asked me if I was sure I wanted to sing the soprano part and I said yes. If he had told me to sing the alto part (which I don't know) I would of course have done it. He just said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable trying to blend, and I said I didn't. I said my voice had gotten higher, certainly in the past few years. Actually what has happened is that I have extended my range by two notes on the top and the bottom but my "sweet spot" has probably moved up at least two whole notes. I asked the choir director didn't he notice that my voice had gotten higher and he said well, he did notice I had more control on notes like E, F, and G, which of course is true. Then I showed him the spot I had marked as "tacet". I also asked him if the dramatic soprano who has recently joined the church would be singing and he said no. I told him any time she is singing of course I will sing alto because it would make no sense to have two big voices on the same part. The altos all have small voices although three of them have voices that are very "pretty". And (this was both sweet and workmanlike) the choir director had marked his copy of the stringendo section with the note "strenuous for the sopranos; don't overrehearse!" which I told him I loved.
The reason for this post, though, is that I can now see how much more confidence I have, not just vocally, but conversationally. I no longer feel defensive. Part of that is that a number of the "sour notes" are no longer in the mix. There was the other mezzo who sang soprano who was very grumpy and disagreeable and was always trying to boss me around (she has since given up singing for another career and actually complimented me on Good Friday on my solo). There was the minister's wife (they have since retired and moved) with a small high voice who was always complaining to me and the choir director that I was singing too loud. And of course Little Miss is gone. If you are a new reader, Little Miss was a 20something conservatory student (she has since graduated and is an adjunct professor at a small college) who sang flawlessly, even at 20, and got endless praise and endless solo bits embedded in choir pieces, not to mention endless flogging of her various recitals by the choir director. It was because of all that that I had a meltdown about 5 years ago, which was not my finest hour; on the other hand after that the choir director really changed his behavior and there has been no one since who has elicited that kind of oohing and ahing either from him or anyone else. The new dramatic soprano is quite modest as is the one other trained lyric soprano who occasionally joins us.
So we will see what Sunday will bring. I have a vocal strategy, so I won't be felled by nerves. I will go home early Saturday, not talk much (not hard to do; when I am with my partner I grocery shop and we watch tv), go to bed early (I seem to be asleep before 11 these days no matter what), wake up and eat a good breakfast, bring a protein bar (if my energy flags after the morning rehearsal) and keep pretty much stumm during the service until it's time for the anthem. The piece builds, so the piece itself can be my warmup.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
My Four Quads
I wanted to stop by here to let readers know I am feeling much better.
I got another recital date in a senior residence: Monday July 23. The only problem is finding an accompanist. My regular accompanist always goes away for the summer and the new one I found will be away that week. So I'm putting feelers out. There's an accompanist at church who is really good and who is not busy 24/7, so I asked her and am waiting to hear back. I might sing a duet with my teacher this time, probably the "Barcarole" from La Gioconda.
This morning I did something that I never dreamed I would be able to do, and which I certainly would not have been able to do even as recently as last year. The choir sang a tiny snippet from Bernstein's Mass which entailed the sopranos singing four pianissimo high As. I nailed all of them not just this moring but every single time in every rehearsal. And in my warmups at home, I am singing sustained, float-y high Bs, and even the occasional C.
So it's totally untrue that voices lose range and flexibility as people age. It all depends.
I also got my summer choir solo date: June 8. I came up with an idea of something to sing and am waiting to hear back from the music director.
(As for the title of this post, I watch a lot of skating, and have always thought that the way skaters set themselves up for a jump is very similar to how singers - or I, anyhow - set ourselves up for high notes. So those pianissimo high As weren't just doubles or triples, they were quads!!)
I got another recital date in a senior residence: Monday July 23. The only problem is finding an accompanist. My regular accompanist always goes away for the summer and the new one I found will be away that week. So I'm putting feelers out. There's an accompanist at church who is really good and who is not busy 24/7, so I asked her and am waiting to hear back. I might sing a duet with my teacher this time, probably the "Barcarole" from La Gioconda.
This morning I did something that I never dreamed I would be able to do, and which I certainly would not have been able to do even as recently as last year. The choir sang a tiny snippet from Bernstein's Mass which entailed the sopranos singing four pianissimo high As. I nailed all of them not just this moring but every single time in every rehearsal. And in my warmups at home, I am singing sustained, float-y high Bs, and even the occasional C.
So it's totally untrue that voices lose range and flexibility as people age. It all depends.
I also got my summer choir solo date: June 8. I came up with an idea of something to sing and am waiting to hear back from the music director.
(As for the title of this post, I watch a lot of skating, and have always thought that the way skaters set themselves up for a jump is very similar to how singers - or I, anyhow - set ourselves up for high notes. So those pianissimo high As weren't just doubles or triples, they were quads!!)
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Second and Final Rehearsal for My First Recital, and Some Additional Thoughts on What Should be Sung in Church
Today we had a runthrough (start to finish) for the recital. I am still congested. So is everyone, so it seems. My partner had a friendly visitor on Sunday who was congested (not sick, just congested). A nurse came to see her yesterday and she was coughing and clearing her throat (allergies, not a cold). Everyone says it's the worst season for allergies on record (I don't know if I have any; I just feel congested, not sneezy). My teacher said he couldn't hear the congestion. He was having an allergy attack because the accompanist has two cats. The high Rossini didn't go as well as last time (I didn't hold the last high B flat) but I got through it and nailed every note cleanly. And I sang the high and low Rossini arias back to back with no glitches. I still felt congested singing "Mon Coeur" (the easiest thing on the planet for me to sing) but after my teacher sang his second number and I started the third part of the program with "Amapola", suddenly I felt fine. Then I felt congested again singing "I Dreamt I Dwelt" but did not have any tension creeping in; mostly because I took the breaks I had planned to.
My teacher told me not to sing much tomorrow, just to do some exercises, and then to sing my regular routine on Thursday, the day of the recital. He said I can try a section of the high Rossini cabaletta if I want to, right before the recital.
I'm lucky I work at home, so I can basically just "cocoon" for 48 hours and sit here and edit manuscripts and make some money. And not have to talk.
After my last post (which got a lot of hits; I also posted it on Facebook and shared it with people from church) I realized that I had some lingering thoughts about music and church. First and foremost, for good or ill, is self-interest. I want to sing. I want to sing music that allows my voice to soar. A church is a comfortable place to do that, and a church with a smallish choir is a good place to get enough exposure (solos, being the obvious "leader" on a second soprano part) to make me happy.
But secondarily, if I am going even to hear music in a church, I want it to go high. I mean this partly literally but also figuratively. Of course everyone loves a low bass and choirs need them! But I want to hear something that soars. (I used that word before; I guess I'm thinking that church should mean the Heavens.) Classical music soars, African-American spirituals soar, gospel soars. I could be happy hearing Aretha Franklin in a church (she's a pastor's daughter, by the way). Bob Dylan never. (I realized that my gut loathing of him centers around the sound of his voice, not his words. I recently edited an article that used some of his "poetry" and I tried to look at it divorced from that horrible drug-damaged, raspy voice, and was somewhat able to do so.)
I don't want to hear gutteral voices, raspy voices, voices that sound like they are in tatters from years of drug abuse, drinking, or smoking and I don't want to sing music in a key so low that it is best sung that way. (And I'm not talking about a low classical piece like "O Thou That Tellest Good Tidings to Zion! I'm talking about "Someone to Lean On" in a bass - not an alto - range, which was what was on offer at the UU General Assembly I went to in 2005.) I know that I ruined my chances of ever being the singer I could have been by smoking, drinking, and abuse of diet pills and speed, and there are days when I would give everything that I have to go back to 1964 and do it over. I don't want those memories triggered in a church, which for me (and many others) is meant to feel like "sanctuary".
My teacher told me not to sing much tomorrow, just to do some exercises, and then to sing my regular routine on Thursday, the day of the recital. He said I can try a section of the high Rossini cabaletta if I want to, right before the recital.
I'm lucky I work at home, so I can basically just "cocoon" for 48 hours and sit here and edit manuscripts and make some money. And not have to talk.
After my last post (which got a lot of hits; I also posted it on Facebook and shared it with people from church) I realized that I had some lingering thoughts about music and church. First and foremost, for good or ill, is self-interest. I want to sing. I want to sing music that allows my voice to soar. A church is a comfortable place to do that, and a church with a smallish choir is a good place to get enough exposure (solos, being the obvious "leader" on a second soprano part) to make me happy.
But secondarily, if I am going even to hear music in a church, I want it to go high. I mean this partly literally but also figuratively. Of course everyone loves a low bass and choirs need them! But I want to hear something that soars. (I used that word before; I guess I'm thinking that church should mean the Heavens.) Classical music soars, African-American spirituals soar, gospel soars. I could be happy hearing Aretha Franklin in a church (she's a pastor's daughter, by the way). Bob Dylan never. (I realized that my gut loathing of him centers around the sound of his voice, not his words. I recently edited an article that used some of his "poetry" and I tried to look at it divorced from that horrible drug-damaged, raspy voice, and was somewhat able to do so.)
I don't want to hear gutteral voices, raspy voices, voices that sound like they are in tatters from years of drug abuse, drinking, or smoking and I don't want to sing music in a key so low that it is best sung that way. (And I'm not talking about a low classical piece like "O Thou That Tellest Good Tidings to Zion! I'm talking about "Someone to Lean On" in a bass - not an alto - range, which was what was on offer at the UU General Assembly I went to in 2005.) I know that I ruined my chances of ever being the singer I could have been by smoking, drinking, and abuse of diet pills and speed, and there are days when I would give everything that I have to go back to 1964 and do it over. I don't want those memories triggered in a church, which for me (and many others) is meant to feel like "sanctuary".
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
First Rehearsal for the First Recital
Today I had the first rehearsal for my first recital. There were some pleasant (and one unpleasant) surprises.
The overall takeaway from this is that for whatever reason (my voice is changing, my technique is changing, or I just have lost a lot of chest resonance because I'm now on my fourth week of chest congestion although it is slowly getting better) I get less tired singing high than singing low.
Pleasant surprises: "Tanti Affetti" went really well despite my never having sung it with an accompanist. Not only the cabaletta, with all the high notes, but also the cavatina, which is difficult rhythmically. The "Drinking Song" was a piece of cake. The lighter pieces, including "Amapola", which I had never sung with an accompaniment, went well, except for a wrong note or two in "Waltz Me Around Again Willy". I figured out where to take two breaks in "I Dreamt I Dwelt" so that I don't get tired at the end. That was one thing that didn't sound good last year.
Unpleasant surprise: After singing "Tanti Affetti" brilliantly, I could not get through the end of "Cruda Sorte" which is a fifth lower. One point of note is that in "Tanti Affetti" I take the standard "bel canto cuts" whereas in "Cruda Sorte" I have not historically taken any cuts because it is in such a low range I figure I don't need breaks. Well, my accompanist told me to take breaks. He showed me where I can stay stumm while he plays. He thinks if I do that I will be fine.
A mixed bag: I started out with the Handel "Had I Jubal's Lyre" and although I still am able to sing the long runs without taking catch breaths (something I couldn't do last year - thank you to all the work I did on "Rejoice Greatly") I sounded like I could barely make it. So I asked the accompanist to play faster on the long runs. He did (and also took the tempo faster in general, which I think helped, and which he liked).
Tomorrow I have my lesson and I will talk to my teacher about the two Rossini pieces. Then Tuesday we have the final runthrough.
I am still taking Mucinex pills. It would really be wonderful if I could just be rid of this thing!
The overall takeaway from this is that for whatever reason (my voice is changing, my technique is changing, or I just have lost a lot of chest resonance because I'm now on my fourth week of chest congestion although it is slowly getting better) I get less tired singing high than singing low.
Pleasant surprises: "Tanti Affetti" went really well despite my never having sung it with an accompanist. Not only the cabaletta, with all the high notes, but also the cavatina, which is difficult rhythmically. The "Drinking Song" was a piece of cake. The lighter pieces, including "Amapola", which I had never sung with an accompaniment, went well, except for a wrong note or two in "Waltz Me Around Again Willy". I figured out where to take two breaks in "I Dreamt I Dwelt" so that I don't get tired at the end. That was one thing that didn't sound good last year.
Unpleasant surprise: After singing "Tanti Affetti" brilliantly, I could not get through the end of "Cruda Sorte" which is a fifth lower. One point of note is that in "Tanti Affetti" I take the standard "bel canto cuts" whereas in "Cruda Sorte" I have not historically taken any cuts because it is in such a low range I figure I don't need breaks. Well, my accompanist told me to take breaks. He showed me where I can stay stumm while he plays. He thinks if I do that I will be fine.
A mixed bag: I started out with the Handel "Had I Jubal's Lyre" and although I still am able to sing the long runs without taking catch breaths (something I couldn't do last year - thank you to all the work I did on "Rejoice Greatly") I sounded like I could barely make it. So I asked the accompanist to play faster on the long runs. He did (and also took the tempo faster in general, which I think helped, and which he liked).
Tomorrow I have my lesson and I will talk to my teacher about the two Rossini pieces. Then Tuesday we have the final runthrough.
I am still taking Mucinex pills. It would really be wonderful if I could just be rid of this thing!
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Grief and Work
Well, since I last wrote I did hear back from one of the nursing homes I contacted (the one where I actually spoke to someone and sent her some videos) and after contacting her again she said she had looked at the videos and that I was not a good "fit" for what she was looking for. So OK. That could mean anything. She might want someone who sings and plays the piano, someone who sings pop songs, someone who sings and plays the guitar. Who knows?
Still no word from either the place with the beautifuli salon room (where my partner was in 2016) or the LGBT Center. As for the latter, when I see my friend I might ask her to forward me the email she sent to her contact, as I have not heard from him.
Today I called another nursing home.
I also realized that I could ask my choir colleague if the residence where she lives still has concerts on Thursdays. I did sing there once, but then our choir rehearsal night got switched to Thursday. Maybe I can sing there in the summer when we are off?
What makes me so sad is that what I need is to do solo singing in front of an "audience". I need that the way a plant needs water and I'm not getting any of that kind of nourishment. I even looked at various places that offer performance classes but first they cost too much, and second, I am terrified of being the oldest and least proficient.
So all I can do now is work. I am, believe it or not, tired of the dramatic mezzo rep that I struggled with for so many years; bored with Carmen and Dalila. What is my new love? Handel and Rossini! That makes sense, because really, my favorite thing to sing is "Rejoice Greatly". It's flashy and just high enough to sound high but not too high, and there is no sustained float-y high singing, which is my nemesis.
So I made a list of arias to work on. Some had daunted me in the past and I had written them off. But now, maybe. They are:
"Tanti Affetti" from Rossini's Donna del Lago
"Bel Raggio" from Rossini's Semiramide
"Dopo Notte" from Handel's Ariodonte
and possibly
"Non piu di Fiori" from Mozart's Clemenza di Tito
"Ah, Mon Fils" from Meyerbeer's Le Prophete
and I might revisit Mozart's "Laudamus te" from the Great Mass.
Tonight I (tenatively and with many stops and starts) sang through "Tanti Affetti". It has a lot of B flats, but they are all in runs, which I do well. I said "a lot". I mean 11. I have no idea if the piece will ever be "performance ready", but if I don't try then it definitely never will. Nowadays a B flat feels like a G once felt. And yes, in this practice session today I nailed all 11.
On the subject of being unable to find opportunities, I had another insight the other day. Performance opportunities are like neighborhoods, and as the years go by, the smaller humbler ones have now all become gentrified (aka exploited by emerging professionals, semi-professionals, and professionals looking to sing a role they aren't singing professionally right now), which pushes anyone with a modest "package" (how I would describe myself) out.
Maybe if I want an audience I will stop singing in the bathroom and sing behind my front door. My electric keyboard is on my dining table, which is near my front door (if I know a piece, I sing it in my bathroom with a pitch pipe to check pitches).
On the other hand, my nextdoor neighbor goes to the Met once a week (it's around the corner, remember?) and the man down the hall is a music critic. Never did I so yearn to be surrounded by lager louts. They might tell me to stop "screaming" - but would probably think I'm the real deal.
Still no word from either the place with the beautifuli salon room (where my partner was in 2016) or the LGBT Center. As for the latter, when I see my friend I might ask her to forward me the email she sent to her contact, as I have not heard from him.
Today I called another nursing home.
I also realized that I could ask my choir colleague if the residence where she lives still has concerts on Thursdays. I did sing there once, but then our choir rehearsal night got switched to Thursday. Maybe I can sing there in the summer when we are off?
What makes me so sad is that what I need is to do solo singing in front of an "audience". I need that the way a plant needs water and I'm not getting any of that kind of nourishment. I even looked at various places that offer performance classes but first they cost too much, and second, I am terrified of being the oldest and least proficient.
So all I can do now is work. I am, believe it or not, tired of the dramatic mezzo rep that I struggled with for so many years; bored with Carmen and Dalila. What is my new love? Handel and Rossini! That makes sense, because really, my favorite thing to sing is "Rejoice Greatly". It's flashy and just high enough to sound high but not too high, and there is no sustained float-y high singing, which is my nemesis.
So I made a list of arias to work on. Some had daunted me in the past and I had written them off. But now, maybe. They are:
"Tanti Affetti" from Rossini's Donna del Lago
"Bel Raggio" from Rossini's Semiramide
"Dopo Notte" from Handel's Ariodonte
and possibly
"Non piu di Fiori" from Mozart's Clemenza di Tito
"Ah, Mon Fils" from Meyerbeer's Le Prophete
and I might revisit Mozart's "Laudamus te" from the Great Mass.
Tonight I (tenatively and with many stops and starts) sang through "Tanti Affetti". It has a lot of B flats, but they are all in runs, which I do well. I said "a lot". I mean 11. I have no idea if the piece will ever be "performance ready", but if I don't try then it definitely never will. Nowadays a B flat feels like a G once felt. And yes, in this practice session today I nailed all 11.
On the subject of being unable to find opportunities, I had another insight the other day. Performance opportunities are like neighborhoods, and as the years go by, the smaller humbler ones have now all become gentrified (aka exploited by emerging professionals, semi-professionals, and professionals looking to sing a role they aren't singing professionally right now), which pushes anyone with a modest "package" (how I would describe myself) out.
Maybe if I want an audience I will stop singing in the bathroom and sing behind my front door. My electric keyboard is on my dining table, which is near my front door (if I know a piece, I sing it in my bathroom with a pitch pipe to check pitches).
On the other hand, my nextdoor neighbor goes to the Met once a week (it's around the corner, remember?) and the man down the hall is a music critic. Never did I so yearn to be surrounded by lager louts. They might tell me to stop "screaming" - but would probably think I'm the real deal.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Don't Worry; It Gets Worse
Nothing is happening on the Medicaid front. Or rather, things are creeping along. Will her money outlast this dawdling? I have no idea. Money is still hemorrhaging out paying for the private aide. The nursing home screwed up the paperwork yet again. The Medicaid Group that is helping us wants more money. The money that was supposed to come from Texas on the 24th did not come. (I called the bank manager and she is looking into it; the money comes from rents from a farm that my partner and some of her relatives own). I told the CEO of the Medicaid group that I would make a partial payment but not a complete final payment. She is very nice and seemed to be OK with that. My partner is confused. OK, so she meets the textbook definition of compos mentis but she certainly can't wrap her head around all these financial intricacies and what's possible and what isn't. (We are going to try to get her free help from the city until the application is approved.)
And then there's Trump. Everything he has done is so fascistic there are no words. Other people seem to be able to discourse about these things better than I can, even though everyone always thought I was smart and I am good with words. Most of my friends across the country went to the women's march. I didn't. I thought my place was with my partner, taking care of her. Particularly if there was even a .02 percent chance I might be in harm's way. I have no idea if these marches will accomplish anything. What frightens me the most about Trump isn't even his assault on healthcare, but his assault on journalists and scientists. If truth-tellers are muzzled, what kind of country are we living in? I can't believe that Congress, even a Republican Congress, can support these things.
So am I singing. Yes, I try to practice every day. My upper register keeps getting more secure although when I went over the Amneris/Radames duet at my lesson on Tuesday the first high B flat sounded straight and strident. Subsequent ones sounded better but of course the acid test is how the phrase sounds after singing the entire scene. I don't think I want to sing it in public right now, which is fine.
I spoke to my teacher about planning a concert at the nursing home where my partner was. I should certainly be out of the woods with all this by May. I think I will do a variant of my birthday concert, taking out some of the numbers I didn't care for all that much and substituting them with some solos for my teacher and maybe one duet from an opera. I do want to sing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" and "Home Sweet Home", two simple songs that I have a very powerful emotional connection with.
Choir rehearsal last night was a dud. We were working on a spiritual with a high soprano part. I certainly could have sung it - or not. The choir director asked most of the second sopranos to sing the alto part instead and asked the altos to sing the tenor part. There are very few men, and there was a split bass part, so he split that between the tenors and basses. I don't care what part I sing, really, if it's in the interests of the piece as a whole, but I really resent being told which part I would find more "comfortable". No, I do not find it more comfortable to sing a part that sits around the E at the bottom of the staff. That takes a lot of finesse, moving in and out of chest voice. This is an important skill for this mezzo to have, so that's fine. It was his use of the word "comfortable" that really teed me off. How does he know what is or isn't comfortable for me to sing? Like most dramatic mezzos, when I sound like I'm pushing my voice and screaming is when I am singing with the least tension and get the least tired. I would have had no problem if the choir director had said that he wanted X vocal color on the top line, not Y vocal color. That's an artistic decision which is fine. Also I think I would have been less angry if there had been some of the trained high sopranos there. But what he did was have one second soprano (who does have high notes, just a bit straight-toney) sing up there and then one of the other second sopranos (the only person I can think of in the choir who can barely carry a tune and can't even make it up to a G!) asked if she could "try" to sing the top part and he said yes. As I said, I don't mind being told that my vocal palette is not right for a particular piece of music or part, but I really resent being told I need to take the easy route, like someone who is less skilled.
Maybe it's time for me to start planning another concert.
And then there's Trump. Everything he has done is so fascistic there are no words. Other people seem to be able to discourse about these things better than I can, even though everyone always thought I was smart and I am good with words. Most of my friends across the country went to the women's march. I didn't. I thought my place was with my partner, taking care of her. Particularly if there was even a .02 percent chance I might be in harm's way. I have no idea if these marches will accomplish anything. What frightens me the most about Trump isn't even his assault on healthcare, but his assault on journalists and scientists. If truth-tellers are muzzled, what kind of country are we living in? I can't believe that Congress, even a Republican Congress, can support these things.
So am I singing. Yes, I try to practice every day. My upper register keeps getting more secure although when I went over the Amneris/Radames duet at my lesson on Tuesday the first high B flat sounded straight and strident. Subsequent ones sounded better but of course the acid test is how the phrase sounds after singing the entire scene. I don't think I want to sing it in public right now, which is fine.
I spoke to my teacher about planning a concert at the nursing home where my partner was. I should certainly be out of the woods with all this by May. I think I will do a variant of my birthday concert, taking out some of the numbers I didn't care for all that much and substituting them with some solos for my teacher and maybe one duet from an opera. I do want to sing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" and "Home Sweet Home", two simple songs that I have a very powerful emotional connection with.
Choir rehearsal last night was a dud. We were working on a spiritual with a high soprano part. I certainly could have sung it - or not. The choir director asked most of the second sopranos to sing the alto part instead and asked the altos to sing the tenor part. There are very few men, and there was a split bass part, so he split that between the tenors and basses. I don't care what part I sing, really, if it's in the interests of the piece as a whole, but I really resent being told which part I would find more "comfortable". No, I do not find it more comfortable to sing a part that sits around the E at the bottom of the staff. That takes a lot of finesse, moving in and out of chest voice. This is an important skill for this mezzo to have, so that's fine. It was his use of the word "comfortable" that really teed me off. How does he know what is or isn't comfortable for me to sing? Like most dramatic mezzos, when I sound like I'm pushing my voice and screaming is when I am singing with the least tension and get the least tired. I would have had no problem if the choir director had said that he wanted X vocal color on the top line, not Y vocal color. That's an artistic decision which is fine. Also I think I would have been less angry if there had been some of the trained high sopranos there. But what he did was have one second soprano (who does have high notes, just a bit straight-toney) sing up there and then one of the other second sopranos (the only person I can think of in the choir who can barely carry a tune and can't even make it up to a G!) asked if she could "try" to sing the top part and he said yes. As I said, I don't mind being told that my vocal palette is not right for a particular piece of music or part, but I really resent being told I need to take the easy route, like someone who is less skilled.
Maybe it's time for me to start planning another concert.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
The Pursuit of Excellence in the Midst of Tragedy
Yes, I am in the middle of a tragedy right now. My partner is in subacute rehab. Discharge planning is not on the immediate horizon, but in my heart of hearts I don't want her to go home. On Medicaid (which she will have to get on) she can have a home attendant every day, but that will then be a full time job for me. I will have to supervise and manage them, some will do a good job, some won't, sometimes the aide will call in sick, and sometimes she won't show up. This is territory I know about. It is less of a problem if the elderly person can supervise the aides herself (for example if her problems are exclusively physical). But I know my partner can't, so this will be my job. It will mean I will never know, from day to day, if I will be in the middle of a crisis. I don't want that. Most of our mutual friends agree, but the social worker at the nursing home where she is getting rehab has (I feel) tried to guilt trip me into wanting her to come home. The place looks like a war zone. Yes, I can use my partner's money to pay people to clean it up (this will need to be done regardless) but how will it stay clean? If an aide is there during the day seeing that my partner eats, changing the bed (and other things), and washing some dishes and some laundry, she will not have time to keep that monstrosity of an apartment clean and organized. And there will still be the mail!!! All those catalogs, and bills and bank statements that my partner can't keep track of or understand.
She is getting good care where she is. True, in the beginning, if she stays there, she will have to share a room, toe to toe, with someone else, but she can be waitlisted for a semi-private, and then a private room. She scarcely knows where she is. She loves to be waited on. She can watch tv, and watch the endless stream of people coming in and out. I can visit her every day. The facility is close by. And then I can leave. And until she physically comes to the end of life (definitely not there yet) I am unlikely to get a frantic call necessitating that I drop everything. I can make plans.
I am not making any now, not until she is settled and I have completed all the paperwork to help her get Medicaid (which she will need regardless). The facility has Saturday concerts at 2:30, so maybe I can do something. And I am planning a solo for Advent/Christmas/Epiphany.
I picked up the Mascagni "Ave Maria" which I had heard and really liked. It's one of those pieces with choices for higher notes and lower notes. So I will sing the lower notes. At the end there's a pianissimo note, usually an A, although you can sing an F. At my lesson my teacher made me sing the A and I actually did it! But I don't seem to be able to replicate it at home. I have tried this, and tried that, and nothing really works. Everything just seems to produce tension. Tomorrow I will try again. It's something to focus on. I won't know if that is something I will sing until we get the Advent/Christmas choir schedule. Ave Marias are usually best for Magnificat Sunday and that is pretty much always a choir Sunday. In fact I am not really sure when I will sing, because the two Sundays are Christmas Day and New Year's Day. New Year's might be a possibility. If my partner is still in the rehab/nursing home I won't be staying up with her at night New Year's Eve and anyhow that has not been our thing for a long time.
She is getting good care where she is. True, in the beginning, if she stays there, she will have to share a room, toe to toe, with someone else, but she can be waitlisted for a semi-private, and then a private room. She scarcely knows where she is. She loves to be waited on. She can watch tv, and watch the endless stream of people coming in and out. I can visit her every day. The facility is close by. And then I can leave. And until she physically comes to the end of life (definitely not there yet) I am unlikely to get a frantic call necessitating that I drop everything. I can make plans.
I am not making any now, not until she is settled and I have completed all the paperwork to help her get Medicaid (which she will need regardless). The facility has Saturday concerts at 2:30, so maybe I can do something. And I am planning a solo for Advent/Christmas/Epiphany.
I picked up the Mascagni "Ave Maria" which I had heard and really liked. It's one of those pieces with choices for higher notes and lower notes. So I will sing the lower notes. At the end there's a pianissimo note, usually an A, although you can sing an F. At my lesson my teacher made me sing the A and I actually did it! But I don't seem to be able to replicate it at home. I have tried this, and tried that, and nothing really works. Everything just seems to produce tension. Tomorrow I will try again. It's something to focus on. I won't know if that is something I will sing until we get the Advent/Christmas choir schedule. Ave Marias are usually best for Magnificat Sunday and that is pretty much always a choir Sunday. In fact I am not really sure when I will sing, because the two Sundays are Christmas Day and New Year's Day. New Year's might be a possibility. If my partner is still in the rehab/nursing home I won't be staying up with her at night New Year's Eve and anyhow that has not been our thing for a long time.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Trovatore Take 1
Yesterday was the first of two rehearsals for Il Trovatore. Because of everything that had been going on this past month - the loss of my Siamese, the introduction into my life and heart of my new kitty, my partner's continuing decline, computer problems - I had not had time ever to run through the entire program to see if I could pace myself, so I was worried.
Actually, my teacher had told me not to be, but I was still worried.
Well, my fears were groundless. I sang a personal best, and if I can sing that well in the performance I will be happy.
This doesn't mean that I can "rust" on my laurels, however. My teacher gave me a practice template, which I will stick to, and I will need to eat healthily (not too many sweets), rest, not get into screaming matches with people, and try, as much as possible, to avoid stress.
That latter is easier said than done, because my partner has sunk again into a scary nonspecific malaise (she nodded off during the ballet last week), and is less and less able to cope with daily living. Some things may need to change, but she is not at death's door, and can survive certainly until my performance is over. And someone is bringing her.
So wish me luck; that I can keep up this level of singing.
The accompanist told me how much more "bloom" my voice had on top, and he last heard me in May.
Actually, my teacher had told me not to be, but I was still worried.
Well, my fears were groundless. I sang a personal best, and if I can sing that well in the performance I will be happy.
This doesn't mean that I can "rust" on my laurels, however. My teacher gave me a practice template, which I will stick to, and I will need to eat healthily (not too many sweets), rest, not get into screaming matches with people, and try, as much as possible, to avoid stress.
That latter is easier said than done, because my partner has sunk again into a scary nonspecific malaise (she nodded off during the ballet last week), and is less and less able to cope with daily living. Some things may need to change, but she is not at death's door, and can survive certainly until my performance is over. And someone is bringing her.
So wish me luck; that I can keep up this level of singing.
The accompanist told me how much more "bloom" my voice had on top, and he last heard me in May.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Azucena Deconstructed
First, about the new color. I submitted my blog for some feedback, and one thing that was said was that the black background was not a good fit. So I am trying red. As a diva, there can never be too much red in my life, right?
Of course diddling around with anything techie makes me nervous, so I tend not to change things once that aspect is taken care of. Surprisingly, though, I am much better at handling technology that I think I am and am much better than most people my age. I installed Windows 10 by myself, for example. I think one issue is simply that I am not photographed very much and therefore have very few visuals to add here.
But now to the import of this post. I have a date to sing the Azucena scenes from Trovatore at the LGBT senior center on Monday October 17. I know what scenes I'm singing. I couldn't find a copy of the original play in English, so my teacher's wife can read from the libretto.
For all things Trovatore, go here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Il_trovatore
The amazing thing I discovered when telescoping the opera is that the entire romantic story between Leonora and Manrico can be removed and you've still got the story!! It's really about Azucena, her mother, the count who sentenced her mother to death, his brother, and Azucena's son (and which is which).
So I'm now wondering if the readings should fill the Leonora story in, or if it can just be omitted entirely and instead the readings will set the scene for what the audience will be hearing (like speaking the words to Ferrando's opening aria, for example).
In any event, I am really singing this very well, including the B flats. I thought the breakthrough in early 2015 was "it", but now I seem to have made another. I not only now can attack a B flat or a B natural off the cuff, I can do it full voice!! In my last two practices I sang two off the cuff B naturals that were truly O Don Fatale worthy! Is that in my future?
And when I started looking at Act 4 something interesting happened, which surprised me. Looking at all the opening recitative and imagining a woman sitting in a prison cell, knowing that she is going to be burned to death actually gave me the creeps. I mean I could actually feel what she was feeling. Now, OK, I know once I actually sing that music I can't do that (The Mentor once said "You are not supposed to feel anything; you are supposed to make the audience feel something") but it was interesting that I was that moved. I was not moved that way by the Act 2 music, probably because in that act she's having flashbacks not in terror about her own future. I was going to write that nothing like that had even happened to me when I was working on a role, but that of course is not true. If singing Dalila or Carmen always ended up making me horny, it makes sense that singing Azucena would take me to a very dark place, existentially. According to my teacher, she has PTSD from having spent her life in an intergenerational world of violence.
So now I'm all fired up!! (no pun intended) and am really looking forward to the next two months!!
Of course diddling around with anything techie makes me nervous, so I tend not to change things once that aspect is taken care of. Surprisingly, though, I am much better at handling technology that I think I am and am much better than most people my age. I installed Windows 10 by myself, for example. I think one issue is simply that I am not photographed very much and therefore have very few visuals to add here.
But now to the import of this post. I have a date to sing the Azucena scenes from Trovatore at the LGBT senior center on Monday October 17. I know what scenes I'm singing. I couldn't find a copy of the original play in English, so my teacher's wife can read from the libretto.
For all things Trovatore, go here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Il_trovatore
The amazing thing I discovered when telescoping the opera is that the entire romantic story between Leonora and Manrico can be removed and you've still got the story!! It's really about Azucena, her mother, the count who sentenced her mother to death, his brother, and Azucena's son (and which is which).
So I'm now wondering if the readings should fill the Leonora story in, or if it can just be omitted entirely and instead the readings will set the scene for what the audience will be hearing (like speaking the words to Ferrando's opening aria, for example).
In any event, I am really singing this very well, including the B flats. I thought the breakthrough in early 2015 was "it", but now I seem to have made another. I not only now can attack a B flat or a B natural off the cuff, I can do it full voice!! In my last two practices I sang two off the cuff B naturals that were truly O Don Fatale worthy! Is that in my future?
And when I started looking at Act 4 something interesting happened, which surprised me. Looking at all the opening recitative and imagining a woman sitting in a prison cell, knowing that she is going to be burned to death actually gave me the creeps. I mean I could actually feel what she was feeling. Now, OK, I know once I actually sing that music I can't do that (The Mentor once said "You are not supposed to feel anything; you are supposed to make the audience feel something") but it was interesting that I was that moved. I was not moved that way by the Act 2 music, probably because in that act she's having flashbacks not in terror about her own future. I was going to write that nothing like that had even happened to me when I was working on a role, but that of course is not true. If singing Dalila or Carmen always ended up making me horny, it makes sense that singing Azucena would take me to a very dark place, existentially. According to my teacher, she has PTSD from having spent her life in an intergenerational world of violence.
So now I'm all fired up!! (no pun intended) and am really looking forward to the next two months!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Old Foes Become New Friends (2)
Well, my concert music is going so well (I can't think of any "tweaking" that needs to be done at this point, other than making sure I am spot on with entrances in the Heggie pieces) that I didn't want to sing it at yesterday's lesson, so I sang through "Stride la Vampa" (which I don't think I'd sung in 35 years) and "Condotta" preferatory to my (tentative) planned Fall concert featuring Act 2 of Trovatore.
All I can say is "Wow"!
I can't believe that I actually know what to do with that B flat!!! For the past two years I have been doing an exercise consisting of a descending octave scale. For the previous eight years I could not do this above a high A natural, but then one day, something broke through that "gag reflex" and I started being able to do the exercise starting on a B flat, then starting on a B natural, and now I can even do it starting on a C!!! So I just sing "figlio avea bruciato" with the syllable "a" on a high A, then just chill while the tenor sings "Quale orror!" and vomit out that B flat. The point is that everything felt so much easier.
Posts are too numerous to link to, but if you read some of what I wrote in the Fall of 2011, you will see what a struggle I had with this aria. Now I think the whole thing is going to be fun. (Yes, the word "fun" is OK here; it's a melodrama, not a Requiem.)
Otherwise things are a bit shaky monetarily, but I'm optimistic. I got some more work (I'm hoping I can just earn enough to supplement my Social Security), I signed my new lease, and I should get my first Social Security payment a month from now. I got a birthday card from one of the people whose card came back to them in the mail last year and it was a big card covered with glitter; just my kind of thing.
Wish me luck for Sunday, although I am not nervous at all - other than wondering if my partner will be upset by my singing "Mon Coeur". If she is, I can tell her my teacher helped me plan the program. I put her (my partner's) name in the program as the title of one of the song sets, so I'm hoping she stays. I am going to go get her on the second verse of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart". I hope I don't cry.
And did I say I'm ending with "Home Sweet Home"? That was Joan Sutherland's favorite encore, and home is my and my partner's favorite subject.
All I can say is "Wow"!
I can't believe that I actually know what to do with that B flat!!! For the past two years I have been doing an exercise consisting of a descending octave scale. For the previous eight years I could not do this above a high A natural, but then one day, something broke through that "gag reflex" and I started being able to do the exercise starting on a B flat, then starting on a B natural, and now I can even do it starting on a C!!! So I just sing "figlio avea bruciato" with the syllable "a" on a high A, then just chill while the tenor sings "Quale orror!" and vomit out that B flat. The point is that everything felt so much easier.
Posts are too numerous to link to, but if you read some of what I wrote in the Fall of 2011, you will see what a struggle I had with this aria. Now I think the whole thing is going to be fun. (Yes, the word "fun" is OK here; it's a melodrama, not a Requiem.)
Otherwise things are a bit shaky monetarily, but I'm optimistic. I got some more work (I'm hoping I can just earn enough to supplement my Social Security), I signed my new lease, and I should get my first Social Security payment a month from now. I got a birthday card from one of the people whose card came back to them in the mail last year and it was a big card covered with glitter; just my kind of thing.
Wish me luck for Sunday, although I am not nervous at all - other than wondering if my partner will be upset by my singing "Mon Coeur". If she is, I can tell her my teacher helped me plan the program. I put her (my partner's) name in the program as the title of one of the song sets, so I'm hoping she stays. I am going to go get her on the second verse of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart". I hope I don't cry.
And did I say I'm ending with "Home Sweet Home"? That was Joan Sutherland's favorite encore, and home is my and my partner's favorite subject.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
On Wings of Song
Last night I had the first rehearsal for my birthday concert. It went really really well. The only pitfall is that I got tired in the middle of the next to the last piece "I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls" a lovely aria from Balfe's Bohemian Girl, which, although in a comfortable range, doesn't have many places to breathe. I am really not too worried, because in the actual concert I will only sing each piece once, and also the pianist will be playing in between some of the sets, And I gave her instructions about where to take a pause in the Balfe (in each verse) so that I can take a bigger breath than singing in strict time would allow.
The good news is that I had a really pleasant surprise with the Handel. I think I have figured out how to keep my voice "small" enough to sing the long ornamented runs, despite the fact that my voice is bigger. I just keep my mouth small (what wind players call a small "embouchure") so that the notes are not "all over the place". I also figured out some better places to breathe. I seem to have to breathe somewhere, so I am going to do it toward the end of each run when I'm in one of the low passages. If there is a low E or F (I'm talking about the notes at the bottom of the staff) that I don't sing no one will notice.
But most of all, I just want to note that I just had a wonderful time. The kind of time I used to dream of having and now have more often than not, where things are working technically and I can just let my voice soar and think (or in between pieces, talk) about the music.
I have one more rehearsal and then that's it. I hope it goes well. I hope my partner can come (she has been told not to go outside for the duration of this five day heat wave).
The only fly in the ointment is I have a bad stye (again) and now have to go to the eye doctor in Brooklyn tomorrow. It looks horrible. I'm hoping it will subside enough not to show by a week from Sunday.
Now I'm going to run the program (with the spoken dialogue and breaks for the pianist).
The good news is that I had a really pleasant surprise with the Handel. I think I have figured out how to keep my voice "small" enough to sing the long ornamented runs, despite the fact that my voice is bigger. I just keep my mouth small (what wind players call a small "embouchure") so that the notes are not "all over the place". I also figured out some better places to breathe. I seem to have to breathe somewhere, so I am going to do it toward the end of each run when I'm in one of the low passages. If there is a low E or F (I'm talking about the notes at the bottom of the staff) that I don't sing no one will notice.
But most of all, I just want to note that I just had a wonderful time. The kind of time I used to dream of having and now have more often than not, where things are working technically and I can just let my voice soar and think (or in between pieces, talk) about the music.
I have one more rehearsal and then that's it. I hope it goes well. I hope my partner can come (she has been told not to go outside for the duration of this five day heat wave).
The only fly in the ointment is I have a bad stye (again) and now have to go to the eye doctor in Brooklyn tomorrow. It looks horrible. I'm hoping it will subside enough not to show by a week from Sunday.
Now I'm going to run the program (with the spoken dialogue and breaks for the pianist).
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
The Bitter and the Sweet - 2016 Iteration
First, the sweet.
We had the first of two Carmen rehearsals today and boy, can I see a difference from 2014.
First, I sang the "Seguidilla" in the original key. I nailed the B natural. Now, that does not mean that I can do it in the performance when I am not as relaxed as in a rehearsal, but there's hope. First of all I no longer gird my loins, take a deep breath, brace myself, and hope for the best. I now have some idea of what to do with my larynx and mouth, and seem to be able to stay "on task". I mean I am now vocalizing up to a C sharp (however it sounds) several times a week (my teacher has told me not to attempt it every day). I was also pleasantly surprised by how well I sang all the recitatives and bits and pieces of the duets which are very hard to work on alone, without an accompaniment and the other singer. The only thing I'm shaky on is the entrance to "Chanson Boheme" and the recitative before the "Card Scene". And it will also be easier this time because I can use the music.
I am not making a big deal of inviting people because I was told it is mostly for the clients and members of this LGBT senior center. I was told I could invite 5 guests who are over 60. I already have my 5, plus my partner, who will be escorted by a friend, also someone her age. They don't count toward the total because my partner is a client of the organization. I am especially touched that this friend is coming because (even at 80) she has a grueling job and I never thought she liked me all that much. Anyhow, I am very touched that she will be coming. And my old boss from the 90s, and his wife, will be coming. He is a professional photographer but I have no idea if he would know how to make a video with a cell phone camera. For all I know he takes stills (the only work I have seen) with an old fashioned film camera.
As for the bitter, the accompanist for Carmen works at the conservatory where Little Miss is finishing up her MMus, and told me that she will be going to Caramoor as one of their young artists. It is just very very painful to have someone living the life I wish I had lived, succeeding at it (she is obviously the best of the best of the best at that conservatory - many students graduate from there and end up only teaching or being paid church singers and not even soloists at that), and still floating around my little world. Probably she will have less and less to do with the choir. I actually am happy to have her there if we are singing a piece with two soprano parts because there isn't anyone to sing those high parts. I am fine being a second soprano (although I wish there were not now six of us). My only source of unhappiness was that I felt I was not as highly prized as she was, nor ever as publicly praised.
Also, my therapist said I should "grieve" over what I feel were my lost opportunities, the life I now know I will never have. She said I am always angry, which probably means I am really sad. I said what good would it do to be sad? At least if I am angry that can sometimes motivate me to work harder. Sure, if I let myself I could just put my head down and sob for a week over that teenager who thought it was more important to weigh 15 pounds less (which I thought I could achieve by smoking) and be "mod" than to honor the gift of a voice I had been given, who slacked her way through school (I mean all these successful people I envy were involved with clubs and extracurricular activities from the time they were 14, when I was cutting classes and sitting and smoking in Prospect Park), got in with the wrong crowd, caught up first in the zeitgeist of "the Sixties" and then with politically correct Dyke-dom. But what good would any of this do? No one seems to understand how much gut-wrenching sadness I feel. Everyone just platitudinizes and says things like "I don't regret anything because it all made me the person I am today." Well I certainly don't feel that. Not at all.
So now it's time to go to bed. I have 12 days to take care of myself and polish my performance.
We had the first of two Carmen rehearsals today and boy, can I see a difference from 2014.
First, I sang the "Seguidilla" in the original key. I nailed the B natural. Now, that does not mean that I can do it in the performance when I am not as relaxed as in a rehearsal, but there's hope. First of all I no longer gird my loins, take a deep breath, brace myself, and hope for the best. I now have some idea of what to do with my larynx and mouth, and seem to be able to stay "on task". I mean I am now vocalizing up to a C sharp (however it sounds) several times a week (my teacher has told me not to attempt it every day). I was also pleasantly surprised by how well I sang all the recitatives and bits and pieces of the duets which are very hard to work on alone, without an accompaniment and the other singer. The only thing I'm shaky on is the entrance to "Chanson Boheme" and the recitative before the "Card Scene". And it will also be easier this time because I can use the music.
I am not making a big deal of inviting people because I was told it is mostly for the clients and members of this LGBT senior center. I was told I could invite 5 guests who are over 60. I already have my 5, plus my partner, who will be escorted by a friend, also someone her age. They don't count toward the total because my partner is a client of the organization. I am especially touched that this friend is coming because (even at 80) she has a grueling job and I never thought she liked me all that much. Anyhow, I am very touched that she will be coming. And my old boss from the 90s, and his wife, will be coming. He is a professional photographer but I have no idea if he would know how to make a video with a cell phone camera. For all I know he takes stills (the only work I have seen) with an old fashioned film camera.
As for the bitter, the accompanist for Carmen works at the conservatory where Little Miss is finishing up her MMus, and told me that she will be going to Caramoor as one of their young artists. It is just very very painful to have someone living the life I wish I had lived, succeeding at it (she is obviously the best of the best of the best at that conservatory - many students graduate from there and end up only teaching or being paid church singers and not even soloists at that), and still floating around my little world. Probably she will have less and less to do with the choir. I actually am happy to have her there if we are singing a piece with two soprano parts because there isn't anyone to sing those high parts. I am fine being a second soprano (although I wish there were not now six of us). My only source of unhappiness was that I felt I was not as highly prized as she was, nor ever as publicly praised.
Also, my therapist said I should "grieve" over what I feel were my lost opportunities, the life I now know I will never have. She said I am always angry, which probably means I am really sad. I said what good would it do to be sad? At least if I am angry that can sometimes motivate me to work harder. Sure, if I let myself I could just put my head down and sob for a week over that teenager who thought it was more important to weigh 15 pounds less (which I thought I could achieve by smoking) and be "mod" than to honor the gift of a voice I had been given, who slacked her way through school (I mean all these successful people I envy were involved with clubs and extracurricular activities from the time they were 14, when I was cutting classes and sitting and smoking in Prospect Park), got in with the wrong crowd, caught up first in the zeitgeist of "the Sixties" and then with politically correct Dyke-dom. But what good would any of this do? No one seems to understand how much gut-wrenching sadness I feel. Everyone just platitudinizes and says things like "I don't regret anything because it all made me the person I am today." Well I certainly don't feel that. Not at all.
So now it's time to go to bed. I have 12 days to take care of myself and polish my performance.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Fine Tuning
Well, finally I have gotten my solo assignments for Holy Week and beyond. I am going to sing "Fac ut Portem" from the Rossini Stabat Mater on Good Friday at 3, in the Spanish service, and "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" from the Messiah on the Sunday after Easter.
Both of these pieces are things I sang in public about 7 years ago and not since, and boy, do they sound different! I am still not happy with the decrescendo in "Fac ut Portem", but it's that kind of fine tuning that I am finally beginning to be able to devote myself to, now that the decade-long struggle that I have had with extending my range seems to be at an end. I am sailing up to Cs and C sharps with little effort, and a B flat (not to mention an A and A flat) feel practically like middle voice! And my lower passaggio has smoothed out also.
And Carmen is starting to take shape. I had left it alone for a while, because I had done a lot of work on the difficult spots, mostly the end of the "Sequidilla" and the "Chanson Boheme". So beginning in April I need to work on it exclusively, which should be fine. I have rehearsal dates, a date to look at the space, and a possible escort for my partner (which can then, if necessary, morph into someone to take care of her if there is an emergency).
Both of these pieces are things I sang in public about 7 years ago and not since, and boy, do they sound different! I am still not happy with the decrescendo in "Fac ut Portem", but it's that kind of fine tuning that I am finally beginning to be able to devote myself to, now that the decade-long struggle that I have had with extending my range seems to be at an end. I am sailing up to Cs and C sharps with little effort, and a B flat (not to mention an A and A flat) feel practically like middle voice! And my lower passaggio has smoothed out also.
And Carmen is starting to take shape. I had left it alone for a while, because I had done a lot of work on the difficult spots, mostly the end of the "Sequidilla" and the "Chanson Boheme". So beginning in April I need to work on it exclusively, which should be fine. I have rehearsal dates, a date to look at the space, and a possible escort for my partner (which can then, if necessary, morph into someone to take care of her if there is an emergency).
Friday, February 19, 2016
Master Classes and Couch Surfing
Well, today is another Faust Day. Last night at choir practice Little Miss was there and she invited people to hear her sing in a Master Class at her prestigious conservatory with a famous Metropolitan Opera Star. That happens to be the afternoon when I have a voice lesson so I won't be going, but I probably would pass on it anyhow. I love watching Youtube videos of Master Classes featuring young people who are doing what I wish I were doing right now (if the clock could be turned back 40 years) and if they're people I don't know, then the feeling of envy that I have is counterbalanced by the reward of learning something. But if it's someone I know, whom I see almost every week, who is a constant reminder of what I want so passionately that I will never have, it is very very very hard. I have to fight all the time not to let these things eclipse the exhilaration I have felt lately at how well I can sing "Liber Scriptus", or how I can now pick up a choir soprano part and sing a beautiful legato line peaking on an F at the top of the staff, with no effort and perfect breath support.
Of course I would be terrified to try to get into a Master Class with someone famous, if they would even have me.
When I was going through a rough patch with my teacher a few years ago I had a fantasy about writing to Dolora Zajick and seeing if I could sing for her and get her opinion. She has an Institute for Young Dramatic Voices, so I could present myself as someone with an "old dramatic voice". Although according to my teacher, ironically, I actually do have a "young voice" because I started when I was older, so my voice has about as much (or rather as little) wear and tear on it as a 30 year old's.
The other thing that one of my fellow choir members is doing is giving a series of concerts in people's homes, across the country. Apparently he is doing it through a group called Couchsurfing. How enterprising! He is someone my age but runs around like a 20-year-old, and seems to have a family (he has a wife and young adult daughter) who let him fly free. Now concerts in people's homes is definitely a venue I will see about looking into. If I confine it to the NYC area I don't have to sleep on people's couches. I could work up a program (it probably should be art songs, not opera) and see if it would fly. A friend told me about a genre of French art songs called "Salon Music" because people used to sing these in private homes.
Which makes me think that I really really miss the woman who used to give concerts (she called them "Musicales") in her living room. It was a chance to get up and sing for a small audience, as one of several, and to get new perspectives. But she doesn't seem to be doing anything with classical musicians any more.
A few days ago I read this article, which stressed the importance of getting feedback and training from a broad range of people. Probably the fact that I have predominately had one teacher is a drawback. But I am very happy now with all the progress I have made and want to stick with it. Sure it would be great if I could get coachings from different people who could give me new ideas but I simply can't afford it. I am living on a pittance as a freelance copyeditor and even in a few months when I can get Social Security, that will just be enough to keep me solvent, not enough for "extras". I am not a professional singer nor am I on any career path, so how would this expense be justified? When I was doing things with the woman I just mentioned, she only charged each person $20 to be part of a group session (where we would each get individual attention, and listen to the others).
Even if I can't be part of a Master Class, there are things I can do, just not now.
It is always a balancing act. My partner is failing and what I want (what my heart wants, what the part of me that is "good" wants) is to be with her as much as possible. One or two concerts a year and a handful of church solos, combined with a biweekly voice lesson and almost-daily practice is about all I can manage. I have to leave my calendar open otherwise.
Someday I can start a Meetup for late-starting classical musicians over 50 (or over 60?) but not now.
Of course I would be terrified to try to get into a Master Class with someone famous, if they would even have me.
When I was going through a rough patch with my teacher a few years ago I had a fantasy about writing to Dolora Zajick and seeing if I could sing for her and get her opinion. She has an Institute for Young Dramatic Voices, so I could present myself as someone with an "old dramatic voice". Although according to my teacher, ironically, I actually do have a "young voice" because I started when I was older, so my voice has about as much (or rather as little) wear and tear on it as a 30 year old's.
The other thing that one of my fellow choir members is doing is giving a series of concerts in people's homes, across the country. Apparently he is doing it through a group called Couchsurfing. How enterprising! He is someone my age but runs around like a 20-year-old, and seems to have a family (he has a wife and young adult daughter) who let him fly free. Now concerts in people's homes is definitely a venue I will see about looking into. If I confine it to the NYC area I don't have to sleep on people's couches. I could work up a program (it probably should be art songs, not opera) and see if it would fly. A friend told me about a genre of French art songs called "Salon Music" because people used to sing these in private homes.
Which makes me think that I really really miss the woman who used to give concerts (she called them "Musicales") in her living room. It was a chance to get up and sing for a small audience, as one of several, and to get new perspectives. But she doesn't seem to be doing anything with classical musicians any more.
A few days ago I read this article, which stressed the importance of getting feedback and training from a broad range of people. Probably the fact that I have predominately had one teacher is a drawback. But I am very happy now with all the progress I have made and want to stick with it. Sure it would be great if I could get coachings from different people who could give me new ideas but I simply can't afford it. I am living on a pittance as a freelance copyeditor and even in a few months when I can get Social Security, that will just be enough to keep me solvent, not enough for "extras". I am not a professional singer nor am I on any career path, so how would this expense be justified? When I was doing things with the woman I just mentioned, she only charged each person $20 to be part of a group session (where we would each get individual attention, and listen to the others).
Even if I can't be part of a Master Class, there are things I can do, just not now.
It is always a balancing act. My partner is failing and what I want (what my heart wants, what the part of me that is "good" wants) is to be with her as much as possible. One or two concerts a year and a handful of church solos, combined with a biweekly voice lesson and almost-daily practice is about all I can manage. I have to leave my calendar open otherwise.
Someday I can start a Meetup for late-starting classical musicians over 50 (or over 60?) but not now.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Ending the Year on a High Note
Well, a powerhouse high G at any event. (Or maybe this could mean the C sharp that I have been singing consistently for the first time in my life.)
My Sunday solo "O Magnum Mysterium" went really well. It was the first time in years that I have sung a "big" piece in church. This new Director of Music has much more eclectic tastes in singing and in fact when we rehearsed the piece I made a joke to the effect that the choir director (who is still the choir director but who no longer schedules solos) would have shot me through the head if he had heard me blast the windows out with the climactic top G, and the new Director said that no, he considered that sort of sound appropriate for a solo if it was marked forte. (He also said once that even in choral singing, if the note is above the staff, sopranos have a "free pass" to sing as loud as we need to to make the note sound good.)
Best of all was that when I sang that piece yesterday I got a lot of compliments including someone telling me it was "awesome".
Maybe I will try "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" again near Easter? I hadn't planned to sing at all in April because that's when I will be rehearsing Carmen, but I might be able to squeeze it in right after Easter if that is not a choir Sunday. Or I may get to sing another solo bit on Good Friday. And if not I can sing at the noon service the way I did last year. With all the freedom I've been given maybe I can try "Liber Scriptus".
So now it's back to the "Seguidilla". My upper register didn't sound all that great in today's practice, on the other hand I did a lot of singing Christmas Eve (just choral singing and caroling), and then this solo yesterday.
Wednesday I have a lesson.
This year I have not made New Year's resolutions. It seems that usually at some point in the year (usually between July - my birthday month - and September, which feels like the New Year to me) something big happens that leads me to reevaluate where I'm going and what I need to do differently. This year it was the upset over my birthday. Two years ago it was upset over all the snark in the blogosphere over my singing the "Habanera" in the bookstore.
Overall this has been a good year for me. I have been singing better and better, achieving a level of technical proficiency that has surprised me. I have discovered I like helping children with their homework. I was mentioned in an article in Classical Singer. Actually in two articles if you include the anonymous mention of my singing in the bookstore, which wasn't a putdown, really. And hey! It was enough of a "thing" to keep being mentioned over and over. So chutzpah pays. Howevermuch talent, ability, or credentials you do or don't have.
My Sunday solo "O Magnum Mysterium" went really well. It was the first time in years that I have sung a "big" piece in church. This new Director of Music has much more eclectic tastes in singing and in fact when we rehearsed the piece I made a joke to the effect that the choir director (who is still the choir director but who no longer schedules solos) would have shot me through the head if he had heard me blast the windows out with the climactic top G, and the new Director said that no, he considered that sort of sound appropriate for a solo if it was marked forte. (He also said once that even in choral singing, if the note is above the staff, sopranos have a "free pass" to sing as loud as we need to to make the note sound good.)
Best of all was that when I sang that piece yesterday I got a lot of compliments including someone telling me it was "awesome".
Maybe I will try "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" again near Easter? I hadn't planned to sing at all in April because that's when I will be rehearsing Carmen, but I might be able to squeeze it in right after Easter if that is not a choir Sunday. Or I may get to sing another solo bit on Good Friday. And if not I can sing at the noon service the way I did last year. With all the freedom I've been given maybe I can try "Liber Scriptus".
So now it's back to the "Seguidilla". My upper register didn't sound all that great in today's practice, on the other hand I did a lot of singing Christmas Eve (just choral singing and caroling), and then this solo yesterday.
Wednesday I have a lesson.
This year I have not made New Year's resolutions. It seems that usually at some point in the year (usually between July - my birthday month - and September, which feels like the New Year to me) something big happens that leads me to reevaluate where I'm going and what I need to do differently. This year it was the upset over my birthday. Two years ago it was upset over all the snark in the blogosphere over my singing the "Habanera" in the bookstore.
Overall this has been a good year for me. I have been singing better and better, achieving a level of technical proficiency that has surprised me. I have discovered I like helping children with their homework. I was mentioned in an article in Classical Singer. Actually in two articles if you include the anonymous mention of my singing in the bookstore, which wasn't a putdown, really. And hey! It was enough of a "thing" to keep being mentioned over and over. So chutzpah pays. Howevermuch talent, ability, or credentials you do or don't have.
Friday, November 13, 2015
I Will Be Recording!
At long last, I have a date to record the Bach aria "Hochster mache deine Gute" for my friend's short film. It will be December 4.
It's been almost two years since we began discussing this, and it has worked out for the best, because now I am much more technically secure singing something in that kind of high tessitura, so I will sound good and won't strain.
Once it's recorded, I will be really excited about tracking the progress of the film, and who knows? I may get to go somewhere! The filmmaker lives part time in Nova Scotia and part time in Paris.
I had a bit of egg on my face last night at rehearsal when the choir director handed out a four-part Mendelssohn piece with a high-ish soprano part (meaning a lot of Gs) and because I don't really sightread, and had not only never practiced this, but had never even heard it, I was fumbling for notes, which is not conducive to good singing technique, which is all about having a physiologically based plan for what to do with each phrase.
Well, so now I have my work cut out for me. Both the Bach solo and the choral piece would use the same type of high light approach (not the same thing as singing "off the voice" to whiten the sound), so my technique will stay consistent and I won't be switching back and forth. It will represent a nice break from Carmen. Venus will have to wait, now, although I have been listening to that scene and getting it into my ear.
I also spoke with the Director of Music Ministries about a Christmas solo. It will either be December 27 or January 3. I suggested the Lauridsen "O Magnum Mysterium", "Rejoice Greatly", and "Et Exsultavit". He is supposed to get back to me in the middle of next month.
It's been almost two years since we began discussing this, and it has worked out for the best, because now I am much more technically secure singing something in that kind of high tessitura, so I will sound good and won't strain.
Once it's recorded, I will be really excited about tracking the progress of the film, and who knows? I may get to go somewhere! The filmmaker lives part time in Nova Scotia and part time in Paris.
I had a bit of egg on my face last night at rehearsal when the choir director handed out a four-part Mendelssohn piece with a high-ish soprano part (meaning a lot of Gs) and because I don't really sightread, and had not only never practiced this, but had never even heard it, I was fumbling for notes, which is not conducive to good singing technique, which is all about having a physiologically based plan for what to do with each phrase.
Well, so now I have my work cut out for me. Both the Bach solo and the choral piece would use the same type of high light approach (not the same thing as singing "off the voice" to whiten the sound), so my technique will stay consistent and I won't be switching back and forth. It will represent a nice break from Carmen. Venus will have to wait, now, although I have been listening to that scene and getting it into my ear.
I also spoke with the Director of Music Ministries about a Christmas solo. It will either be December 27 or January 3. I suggested the Lauridsen "O Magnum Mysterium", "Rejoice Greatly", and "Et Exsultavit". He is supposed to get back to me in the middle of next month.
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