A Bummer

Yesterday's lesson did not end well, which is something that has not happened for a long time.

The short version is: after doing my regular exercises and singing through my solo for December 30 (a solo version of the carol "I Wonder as I Wander", which I transposed up so that the top note is an F sharp), I tried to read through "Non piu di Fiori" from La Clemenza di Tito.  I did a great job until I got to the last page at which point I ran out of steam and realized that no way could I get up to that high A and hold it for 5 counts.  Yes, I can now hold a high A for 5 counts (did it in the opening to the Bolena duet that I sang with my teacher in several concerts) but this A comes after two pages of singing without a break.  And no ad libbing.

As I've said, my high register has gotten a lot better, and I've sung a lot of flashy and challenging things, but I realize that these are mostly bel canto arias where the singer can take lots of liberties leading up to difficult passages (or the passages themselves are improvised cadenzas), including dropping out of the vocal line for 2-4 measures before the final climax (which is an old tradition).

Anyhow, my teacher was annoyed with me for "giving up" (I had no trouble singing the phrase with the high note if I just sang the note and the few measures leading up to it) but then we agreed that if I was not "madly in love" with the piece it was not worth putting in all that hard work.  (As a contrast, I was madly in love with "Tanti Affetti" and was able to master all the florid passages with the high B flats, but as I said, most of those were a piacere).

And whether or not I  was madly in love with "Non piu di Fiori", I don't think it would have "mass appeal" for the only non-church audiences I now sing for: in nursing homes.  "Tanti Affetti" did have mass appeal, because like all Rossini, it's bouncy.

So my teacher and I decided that I should go back to "O Mio Fernando", something I have not sung in years, but that I always sang well.  And maybe I'll go back to working on "Bel Raggio", the (putative) soprano aria from Semiramide (I say "putative" because it only goes up to an A and I found it in one of my mezzo aria books.)

The irony at my lesson, come to think of it, was that I had wanted to sing through "Bel Raggio" but my teacher didn't have a copy of it.

I think another problem is that I have been hit hard with my winter respiratory problems.  My bronchial tubes are full of dry mucus.  I cough, I wheeze, I blow my nose constantly.  And this despite using my Neti pot every morning (I won't be scared away by stories of fatal amoebas; I boil the water first.) So at my lesson, even in the beginning, singing was hard work.

And to end it all, it doesn't help that I am seeing posts on Facebook that often involve conversations among some of the people I had unfriended because I was envious of them (or maybe they unfriended me because I said things that were nasty; see previous post) so I am deeply engaged with the green-eyed monster again.

Recently I have disengaged from him/it by staying away from "real" singers, other than my teacher, and what I can watch on Youtube.  I don't need to hear women in their 30s talk about repetoire and all the auditions they are going to and (among the worst of the worst) how much they despise amateurs and pretenders. I am much happier when I confine my performing arts consumption to instrumental music and ballet, with the occasional stop to hear lieder.

So, OK.  now it's time to pull up my socks and look forward to spending January networking to schedule a concert.

Totally Amazing

All the breakthroughs I have made with my singing have held.  There has been steady progress in 2014 (I began to notice it with Carmen) and there has been no backsliding.

Well, all in all it has taken me 10 years!!! to learn how to

1. Lift my soft palate (this involved also dealing with my mucus and sinus problems)
2. Relax my jaw
3. Keep my larynx down to prevent the "gag" reflex that interfered with my high notes.

Using item 3, and starting with a woofy "h" (which actually effects item 3) I have been singing B flats and B naturals off the cuff without singing a lower note first and without having to force through a barricade of tension.  And I have been able to do this for several weeks now.  This is something I never ever was able to do before.

By singing the lowest notes very low, with a very low larynx, I can now sing arpeggios up to a high C and back almost every day.

And even though I have not jumped on the fitness bandwagon (there were plenty of powerhouse singers before this was all the rage, if people have forgotten) I have defied the odds and get much less tired and have much more stamina at 64 than I did when I started at 54.

I think I may have a handle on those two pages of the Amneris/Radames with the B flats.  (There is no fermata over those B flats; therefore I should sing the progression like an exercise, with no breath in the middle.)

Yesterday I brought the score of Aida to my lesson thinking I was going to work on the Aida/Amneris duet first (which I really might be singing somewhere) and then take a crack at the duet with Radames.  But it turned out that my teacher just got a gig singing Enrico in Anna Bolena on very short notice, so he said "Let's look at the duet between Enrico and Giovanna."  (One of the great things about having him as a teacher is that he is still singing, so sometimes he does things like that.)

Giovanna Seymour is a role that I squeaked and sqwawked my way through  sang 35 years ago.  I have no idea why I was cast in that role as I did not have a usable high B natural.  I had auditioned to sing Smeaton (a trouser role in a lower range, with two nice arias) but that role had gone to a woman who was bigger and taller, with a darker voice.  My teacher (with whom I was studying with back then) said I was probably cast as Giovanna because I was slim and had red hair.  In any event, I did do a good job with the duet with Enrico, so I thought, well, why not give it a go.

To my amazement I sailed through it (it was there somewhere in my phonographic memory bank) despite the high tessitura.  My teacher, who certainly is not usually impressed or amazed, said he was speechless.  He said he had never heard me sing like that.  He also said that the production he was in was double cast and that one of the Giovannas did not sing the B naturals in the last aria but sang G sharps instead, which fit in the chords being played as sounded just fine.  So he told me to buy a copy of the score.

Part of me walked out of that lesson like I was floating on air.  But why ten years?? Why did it take so long?? I'm bloody 64!!! My teacher said among the reasons all this took so long is that muscles and cartilage in older people are not flexible and take longer to train.  Other reasons cited were that I only take two lessons a month, have a lot of stress as a caregiver, and had been singing incorrectly a lot of the time to try to "blend" in the choir (I seem to do less of this now and can sing a real supported pianissimo, at least up to a G.)

So now that I have half of what I've been yearning for all these years, what do I do about the other half (breaking into the huge crowd of mega-talented people who have a stranglehold on the all the opportunities)?

And the Work Goes On

Yesterday I spoke on the phone with the woman producing the Hispanic Heritage Concert and told her I would be coming back to her get-togethers some time next week, if she was having one.  I said I was working on the Manuel Garcia songs.

I took them to my lesson yesterday and worked especially on some of the melismatic passages.  I know that for most of the songs I will be expected to use correct Spanish diction (including pronunciation of the vowels) which is fine, but I intend to beg off for the high trilling in the "Contrabandera" song.

Dare I say that I think I may finally have made some kind of breakthrough with using the "h" sound to begin all the exercises?  I am still not vocalizing above a B, but certainly the G, A flat, A natural, and even the B flat are much bigger and fuller, and there is much less tension in my voice overall.

My teacher is going to be singing Alvise in a concert production of La Gioconda (in years past he sang Enzo) so he said I should take a look at that duet again so that I can sing it at my next lesson.  Here's a peek at what it sounds and looks like (let's hear it for sexy bodice rippers as well as for singing!)

http://youtu.be/gg_wpIu13wM

This entire role is tailor made for my voice, even moreso than Verdi, because it is a little lighter and sits higher, but has no strenuous high singing.  There is one B flat at the beginning that is in the middle of an arpeggio-like progression, three or four As (mostly in the first half of the opera) and that's it!  And she gets lots of breaks.  And of course gets to look luscious and have two guys chasing her.  Probably the hottest mezzo role after Dalila and Carmen, except that she is a sympathetic figure.

You can read more here.

I mean there is not a prayer in Hell that I will get to sing the role in this concert as it is triple cast already (there will be 5 or 6 performances of it in different locations) but if I keep it fresh, who knows?

Lastly, I think the videos from Carmen may finally be available soon.  The man who took them is having a hard time uploading them to Youtube, but he is still working on it.

Recovering from an Injury, and

Saturday January 4, after the big snowstorm, I slipped and fell on the steps of a city bus because they were covered with ice and snow, and banged my lower back.  For the first week it just felt a little stiff and a little sore, but the Sunday following (the 12th) I woke up in agony.  Monday was even worse.  It was worst when I woke up and then sort of subsided during the day.  Yesterday I went to see an orthopedist.

Nothing is fractured.  He called it a "contusion".  The thing that was most upsetting was seeing the radiograph of my spine. (Surfing the Internet - I'm a medical editor, after all - the picture I found that most resembles it is this,)

Actually, I think my condition is even more extreme, curving farther to the left.  It has gotten worse in recent years, which explains why I keep getting shorter.  He (and several other health professionals) have said there is nothing to be done about it.  He also said I have "age-related degeneration of the lumbar spine".  This latter may explain why my recovery from the fall has been slow.

The orthopedist said if it is not better in a week to go for physical therapy.

Part of me believes that the MTA should be liable, because if the bus driver had stopped the bus and cleaned the steps, or put the steps out of action and had people exit using the wheelchair platform, this never would have happened.  I already was using a cane and hanging on to the railing.  There are now new buses that don't have steps, Just a platform that allows almost flat exit to the sidewalk, but some lines still use the old ones.  I don't blame this particular bus driver as he probably wouldn't have known or been told what to do, but there should be better safety measures.  So I will see how many out of pocket medical expenses I have.  Anything strictly medical is paid for, but I don't know about physical therapy.

The interesting part of this post, though, is about what my voice teacher said.  I was supposed to have a lesson Monday (I hadn't had one for a month due to scheduling conflicts for both of us; my teacher still performs regularly) and he said not to come, particularly as I had taken Advil that day.  (That was the only day I took it; I hate "taking things".)  He said Advil thins the blood and if you do strenuous singing it can cause vocal hemorrhage.  He also said if my body is not aligned properly, I can get into bad habits.  So basically it's no strenuous vocal exercises, just light warmups before choir practice and rehearsals for this Sunday concert.  Neither the "Habanera" nor "Moonfall" is strenuous and nothing I have to sing at choir practice goes above a G.  (By "light warmups" he meant staying out of my extreme upper register, which requires a lot of support.)

I was even more pleased by his saying that I don't really "need" lessons to sing correctly in the limited range that I use to sing art songs or church solos.  He said at this point, the purpose of lessons is to grow my skills: build my stamina, increase my facility at the ends of my range, tweak and refine things.

Last night we had a rehearsal for the Sunday concert.  I like working with this group because it is a very diverse group in terms of genre, skill level, and age.  There was one woman there with a magnificent voice (a rich full sound with easy, spun pianissimi) whom the director is encouraging to try to pursue a career (she has the "goods", just doesn't know what to do as she is not a conservatory graduate), and then another woman at my level (a classically trained singer a little younger than I am who started late and who sings art songs), as well as a young woman who never had singing lessons who sang a ballad from a musical.

What heartens me is that this director is really interested in me, in a way that no one has been since the Mentor.

And I had a ball singing "Moonfall".  For those of you who don't know it, here are the words.

Between the very dead of night and day

Upon a steely sheet of light, I’ll lay

And in the moonfall, I’ll give myself to you

I’ll bathe in moonfall, and dress myself in dew.

Before the cloak of night reveals the morn

Time holds its dream while it conceals the dawn,

And in the moonfall, all sound is frozen still,

Yet warm against me, your skin will warm the chill

Of moonfall. I feel its fingers

Lingers, the veil of nightshade,

Light made from stars that all too soon fall,

Moonfall, that pours from you.

Betwixt our hearts let nothing intervene

Between our eyes the only sight I’ve seen

Is lustrous moonfall as it blinds my view

So that soon I only see but

YOU

Some Pictures of Carmen, and Some Hope

One of the things that The Artist's Way tells you to do is keep an "image file". As my edition of the book was written before everyone was using the Internet, the author refers to its contents as "clippings" but of course one can now do that electronically.

Images that inspire me.  Of course the first one I found was of Serena Williams after she won Wimbledon

because she defied the odds winning at 30, just as I believe I am defying the odds being an emerging dramatic mezzo at two weeks shy of 62. But then I started thinking about Carmen. I have wanted to sing the role since, at 14, I was rejected by the High School Glee Club teacher when I auditioned to sing the Habanera in a school assembly (I was one of five girls who auditioned, and the only Caucasian) being told, essentially, that I was too "WASP-y" and uptight although not in those words. It's not my favorite music to sing (I would rather sing Azucena, quite frankly, or the Principessa in Adriana Lecouvreur) but second only to Dalila it is my favorite role to be. Most roles, considering my age and lack of mobility (I can't go up and down stairs that don't have a handrail or move more than a few inches in high heels) I would be happy to sing in concert, but I really really really want to sing Carmen in costume. I have occasionally sung the Habanera at church fundraisers as you can see here (FWIW I am 59 years old here)

and would do so in a heartbeat again. For my image file, I decided that this

was probably the hottest. The singer depicted is Rinat Shaham from Israel. Speaking of Carmen, I sang the "Seguidilla" at yesterday's lesson and it sounded good.  I am trying to skip up to the B again, although not really staccato.  I asked my teacher his opinion of staccati as an exercise and he said he generally avoids them because you can "get off the voice" and sing them in your throat.

The good news is that the big breakthrough I had has held.  I sang some full voice B flats and B naturals (we didn't go higher than that) up into that new head space and now he is having me hold them for 2 or 3 counts in the middle of an arpeggio.  I think I have definitely moved off this plateau.

Now I just need some places to sing.  I am going to audition some songs for a concert the evening of September 11 (organized by the woman in whose living room I sang the "Judgment Scene" from Aida several years ago), and the Requiem plans are moving forward.

My teacher told me to email the soprano I want to use to make sure she is free. The two of them are singing in a concert version of Adriana Lecouvreur in a few months (I hope to sing the scenes with the Principessa with them later in another concert) so that brought this to his mind.  He says he will let me know in September if he is going to sing or if I need to get another tenor.  He is concerned that his voice may be too heavy for some of the pianissimo sections.

Lastly, please everyone say prayers that  my partner's cataract surgery goes well and that I can be loving and good and not make it harder for her with my selfish resentments.  Eventually this rough patch will be over and I can have some time to myself.

A social worker is coming to her house this morning.  She doesn't know that it is because I called the agency, but I hope they can get her some help for the week after her surgery.

A Lesson at Last, Verdict on the CD, and A Few More Thoughts on Identity

Today I had my first voice lesson in a month. My teacher's wife had had the flu and he decided he didn't want students in the house. In the past if I went that long without a lesson I could feel tension creeping into my singing but I guess I am much more secure in my technique now, so that did not happen.

I tried something new (again) with the highest notes, trying to literally feel like I am vomiting them out. I remember having watched Leontyne Price singing at the Met when I was in High School (probably looking through my mother's opera glasses) and I noticed how wide she would open her mouth and how she would sort of lean forward, so I tried to imitate that. (I definitely got all my pianissimo techniques from watching her, even though I didn't put them to use until over 40 years later.)

Trying this technique I was able to sing a long arpeggio up to a high C and back and the note was more open and freer than it ever had been. Then I sang through "Liber Scriptus" and sounded better with the climactic section (it's only a bloody A flat) than I ever had as well. (If I can wail out that note, which comes early in the Requiem, I will be totally out of the woods for the rest of this great work and can enjoy myself.)

One thing I mentioned to my teacher was my disappointment that I have never had an "aha" moment that helped me with the highest notes. I feel that my singing, my stamina, the timbre of my voice, my breath control, in fact everything except those highest notes, keeps improving, but they are simply not a sure thing. My teacher told me that these "aha" moments usually come early in someone's technical development when suddenly they put things together. He says I am past that and that the problems I have with those notes don't really have to do with technique as much as with physiology (I may not have the God-given ability to extend my range as far as other people, even many mezzos), I started late (even 26, when I started the first time, was late and I had 13 years of smoking behind me at that point) so my muscles and cartilage were not that flexible, and that there is an enormous difference in how well I can sing up there between when I am tired and when I am not. Overall, I know that I get less tired. I can sit through a two hour choir rehearsal singing soprano (which means lots of pianissimo Fs and Gs) without getting tired, which had not been the case several years ago.

He also gave me his verdict on the CD. He said I sounded much better than in 2009, that much of the singing was lovely, that it was an interesting set in that I sang some unusual things (the Sappho aria, for example) and that the highest notes were not horrible, they just sounded "effortful" and not as good as everything else. We both agreed it is probably not worth spending money to "produce" the CD in any way, but that I should just get 20-25 copies to hand out to friends.

Lastly (and I had originally planned to devote an entire blog post to this) I feel I still was not really clear about the issue of calling myself an opera singer.

I posted a link to the blog post on Facebook, partly because I want more readers (and I write much better than I sing, and am still looking to spark someone's interest, like in Julie and Julia) and also just to get my perspective out there, and I still feel somewhat confused. My therapist tells me all the time I can't look for validation from other people, but I was told by some commenters that whether or not I'm an opera singer does have to do with whether or not other people think this. I mean of course I need validation from other people on some level. I need my teacher to tell me what sounds good and what doesn't, and what I should sing and what I should not sing, and I need to get a green light even just to produce something myself, for example, if I want to use the church space, someone has to approve it, because the church has a reputation as a music venue during its off hours. I think what she (the therapist) means is that if being an opera singer, even an amateur one who performs infrequently in humble settings is the most important thing about myself to me, then it doesn't matter if other people don't care about it and they think of me as a copy editor, or someone to talk with about what's on public tv or something in the news.

So what do I mean exactly when I say I'm an opera singer? I suppose I mean that the peak experiences I've had singing in operas or concerts, whether it was three years ago or 35, are moments that have defined me. And what was so devastating to me about my forays into the the Forum was that I felt these past experiences which were among the most important in my entire life were being trivialized and overshadowed by other people who would just ignore me. I hadn't realized how insignificant these experiences were in the scheme of things, and once I realized this, I felt very ripped off. I mean being an opera singer informs everything that I do from how I dress when I go to the grocery store to what I eat to how I sit to (I'm really working on this one), how I project and protect my speaking voice. The fact that I've had these, even sporadic, diva moments make me a tad less ordinary. Even before I started singing again I would often refer to these past performances and people would say, yes, I can see you doing that. It's as if those moments give me a glow, sort of like what one gets from great sex (LOL) that sets me apart from other women my age who sit hunched over desks, let their hair go gray, and have no charisma when they engage with people.

So I suppose all this boils down to the fact that whether or not people singing all over the country think I'm a real opera singer, the fact that I sing even the few times a year that I do says much more about me than what I do for a living. So I think what my therapist was talking about is that I can walk down the street with perfect posture and perfect makeup, and I can glow with star quality and that I can't let anyone try to take that away from me. Most people who see me in stores ask me if I am in the performing arts. No one would ever guess in a million years that I sit at a desk (in my tiny apartment no less) for hours and hours.

A Wise Man Speaks Again

I am sitting here drained and exhausted, but I want to write about how much I love my voice teacher. He emailed me back this morning to say that he thought the new mp3 file of "O Mio Fernando" was "quite good", not just that I sounded better than I had two years ago, which he said a propos of all the files.

He said my highest notes are still not "what they should be" but that they are much better. He said that the problem with those notes and even ones a little below (e.g., an F) is that I don't yet know how to make enough "space" in the back of my throat. He said there are muscles that keep the larynx down, the pharynx open, and the palate raised that are much harder to train in an older person. He said when I sang in the 70s I didn't really have the correct position - that I sang falsetto a lot of the time. He said, unlike abdominal muscles (which are also used for singing) these muscles in the throat, etc. are not used in that way except when singing so in most people they are weak. He said some singers use those muscles when they speak in the same way they do when they sing (the stereotypical "opera singer speaking voice") but that I don't. I remember having a "discussion" online with a respected coach about how it is important to keep that kind of space when speaking but of course it is hard to remember to do that!

He said I should not post sound files "in the blogosphere" because a lot of "knownothings" then feel free to make all kinds of comments. (I will keep "Amour Viens Aider" on my profile here until I find something better). If someone reading this blog wants to take a listen to something I will email them a file from the file sharing site.

I am also heartened that a nice commenter, LiSop, wrote and said some nice things about my singing. I know my singing is not perfect and that there are flaws that need to be fixed. But neither is it so dreadful that there is nothing nice anyone can say first, prior to making some critical comments afterwards which, as I explained in this post is how one does things.

At my lesson we worked on the Verdi Requiem. I sang through Liber Scriptus and now have decided that it is better not to take a breath before the word "judicetur" on the high A flat. I really don't need one and the note is more in line if I don't.

Then we began work on the beautiful "Lux Aeterna". If I can't use the church for free on a Saturday afternoon in March I will see if at least I can find two people to sing that trio with during Holy Week.

I really hope I can do this, though (it means getting three other people, and learning the music) because it would be a magnificent program during Lent and would serve numerous purposes.

Now I am getting into bed and watching a rerun of a Miss Marple mystery. I am just exhausted.

A Wise Man Speaks

Today I had a voice lesson after not having had one for about three weeks. My lesson is always an hour of singing and a half hour of talking about what's going on with me in my life as a singer.

My teacher pried out of me all the negative emotions I had been feeling about the issue of these meetups, etc. and he told me a number of things that were either confidence-boosting or illuminating in some way.

First, we had our last (I think) rehash of the concert. He said overall I did very well, despite a few shrill notes. That both of the people I sang with would be happy to sing with me again, and that they would not have felt that if I hadn't done a decent job. He said I sang much better than I had at the two big performances he had heard: Samson et Dalila and the concert the year before at the other Lutheran church.

Then he said a few things about the issue of the meetups and my not connecting with anyone.

First, he said that "in the world" (he said his wife had mentioned this) older women are "invisible". Yes, I have been aware of that for a long time which is something I have tried to explain to some younger female friends, most notably (OK readers, don't get into a feminist frenzy) that "sexual harrassment" is mainly a younger woman's issue. If you're over 40, even if you've got a body to die for, nobody gives a flying fig.

Then he also said that in the world of performing, older men are also invisible.

He said that many people at these things may think that the vocal flaws that I still have are a result of age-related decline. Now both he and I know that the opposite is true - they are there because I haven't fine-tuned my instrument enough yet. But that if people think I'm going "downhill" because I'm older this will scare them.

He also said (I thought this was a bit harsh) that if people are going to these sorts of things they are not happy with where they are, or they would be rehearsing for real gigs, not singing at meetups. (That was what I had thought originally, which is why I was very surprised at the level of most of the people there. It also bears out what I had written about earlier that there are hordes of singers as good as most of the pros with noplace to sing.)

In any event, he said I should focus on whatever I'm planning next,not singing at these groups if doing that wasn't helping me develop more confidence.

I think what I want to do (and I am still going to post a notice of some sort), rather than starting my own meetup or looking for a large group of people more demographically like me, simply to try to find even one older singer who was a late starter, who will go to one of the existing meetups with me. So then as I said to someone we can be each other's cheering section and if we don't "matter" to anyone else who's there, we will matter to each other and will be less nervous.

And I shouldn't forget to add on the singing front, that at my lesson I ran through two arias I hadn't sung in over a year: Dalila's "Amour Viens Aider" and "O Mio Fernando" from La Favorita and my teacher said I sounded like a completely different person from last year.

Have Fun!

Today I had a voice lesson. When I got there, my teacher said he had made up binders for our concert, with the music in order.

We will be singing:

Aida trio (all three of us)
"O Patria Mia" (soprano)
Trovatore scene beginning after the "Anvil Chorus" and going through to the end of the scene (me and my teacher)

Intermission

Otello duet (my teacher and soprano)
Aida/Amneris duet (me and soprano)
Aida final trio (all three of us)

Possibly "Libiamo" from Traviata as an encore (I would sing Flora/the chorus part)

So anyhow, this means it's serious. No wimping out now!

At today's lesson I told my teacher I felt better about the section with the B flat if I didn't come down like a ton of bricks on the A. So he had me sing from "la mano convulsa stenda" to the end of the scene. The B flat sounded OK except I came in early because I was nervous. Everything else sounded great and I remembered all my notes and words (I was looking at the score, but nonetheless, it's still easy to get some words mixed up, particularly pronouns!)

Then we did the Aida/Amneris duet (I mean I sang my part!) and he said I sounded like a real dramatic mezzo, not being afraid to sing with power, and that that is how I should sing all the time. He said I should have fun!!! with the whole thing. He said if I sing "Condotta" with that level of energy, with a big dark sound, whether I sing the B flat well or not, I will give a good performance. He said I would have fewer vocal problems if I didn't try to "save" my voice by pussyfooting around. If I do that things are out of balance and then I don't have the energy I need.

So in addition to my affirmations, I need to tell myself "have fun!" before I start singing, instead of having this nervous nellie feeling which I don't think does my singing any good.

Then we had some laughs when I said Amneris is a young girl (well, yes, if she's not married she can't be more than about 15) and he said "well, think of some of these young girls you see nowadays with loud voices and big boobs!"

Anyhow, so I hope I can carry that spirit (I mean the "having fun" spirit) forward and stop being nervous.

I will see what tomorrow's practice brings and Thursday, Trovatore is going to be on tv. I told my partner that I was singing a scene from that in the concert (she is beginning to give me less of a hard time over that - I think it's borne in on her that I'm not playing any seduction scenes this time so she's less angry).

One Step Back and....Follies

The reason I am sitting here writing this late at night is that I just got home from Follies. A friend had sold me her ticket at half price because she was going to be out of town.

I don't plan to recap everything about the show here, you can read about this production here.

It had many luminous stars, including Bernadette Peters, who is a year older than I am and looks and sounds luscious (and in this production she actually sings up in an operatic range - something I had never heard her do before).

For me, of course, the star of the evening was Rosalind Elias. She is 82 and her voice is still velvety, luscious, and fresh. I don't know how high she sang - maybe up to an F or F sharp, but if she is sounding like that at her age, I should certainly be able to sing the material I am singing for at least another decade if not longer. And interestingly, her number (a duet with her younger self, sung by a young lyric soprano) got the most applause of any in the show.

As for the "one step back", at today's lesson I had a bear of a time with that bloody B flat in "Condotta" again. I have no trouble singing it if I just sing the five measures before, but singing from the beginning I get there, sound great on the A, and then just panic, gasp for breath, and scream. My teacher will be singing it with me as a duet, and he said just to sing the A with him on "Quale Orror" and if I can scoop up a teensy bit to the B flat, do that, and then it won't be hard. Everything else I'm singing in that program is easy and fun.

I am feeling bummed out because it's very unusual to sound worse in a lesson than I did practicing at home (yesterday I didn't sound great, but I thought I sounded better than I did today). (Although I sang long arpeggios up to a full voice high C, something I can't seem to do at home.)

I should add here that I have been having a very, very, very hard time with personal things over the past few days. My partner, who is 15 years older than I am (we are really in some ways separated - we don't live together) and in poor health is more and more unable to take care of herself. I am now involved with three social service agencies trying to set something up - either get her into assisted living or have an aide in the house, but she is balking at everything. I am very drained and have spent a lot of time on the phone (and my speaking voice is a disaster - I have never been able to place it properly particularly when I'm upset).

So now I am going to bed. One wonderful thing about being a freelancer is that I don't have to set the alarm most of the time, except on Sunday when I sing in church.

I am getting up in the morning, talking to one social worker on the phone, working (I earn my living editing medical journals), going to see another social worker, and then coming home to practice. I am going to read an affirmation that I printed out (I will have to look for it!) and then go back to "Condotta" and try to sing through it without panicking at the dreaded spot like a horse balking at a fence.

A Good Lesson, A "Trick" I Pray Works, and Character Deconstruction

In my last post I wrote about how much easier it is to sing that bloody B flat in "Condotta" in the context of the duet. So at my lesson yesterday my teacher decided what we will do is: I will sing the measure with the high A. Then he has a measure with a high A. He will hold it an extra count, at which point I will come in securely on an A (something I certainly know how to do) and will portamento up to the B flat. The trick is to take a breath while he's singing. A good one, not a gasp that causes me to freeze because I'm scared.

In the context of the scene, the whole thing actually goes by very fast. You think it in "2", so the B flat is only two counts and then we are right into the next thing. In fact I realized I was so panicked over the B flat that I have no idea where my next entrance is so I need to work on those next few measures. It's actually in strict time - it just sounds hysterical.

Then my teacher and I were talking about the character of Azucena. I keep thinking of her as an "old lady" but really, she can't be more than 40 or 42. On the other hand biologically she is much older than I am. She sleeps outdoors and probably has post-traumatic stress syndrome if she's seen her mother and a baby burned to death. The beginning of "Condotta" is very monotonous (unlike in pieces where the problem is getting tired, the problem here is getting lazy because it's so monotonous) which my teacher explained is because this is a story that she's told over and over and over and over and even Manrico is bored, but then she starts getting into stuff he's never heard before and by the time it ends, no one is sure which baby was which.

Which reminds me. I cut my singing teeth on Gilbert and Sullivan. When I was in my early 20s I sang all the contralto roles with a repertoire company. I was smoking like a chimney and had the perfect low smoky sound. I remember playing Dame Hannah in Ruddigore and even at the time was pretty sure her opening song "Sir Rupert Murgatroyd his leisure and his riches" was a parody of "Condotta". In fact the whole operetta and also the baby mixup business in Pinafore are probably meant to parody Il Trovatore, which is the opera that the scene I am working on comes from (I just assumed all readers knew that but maybe not).

Toward the end of the lesson we talked about the program for the concert and decided we will make it all Verdi. We will start with the trio from Aida, the maybe the soprano will do an aria from Aida, then he and I will do the Trovatore scene which actually is quite long, then there will be an intermission, and afterwards he and the soprano will do a scene from Otello, then she and I will do the Aida duet, and then we'll end with the "Drinking Song" from Traviata which is how he and the soprano have often ended concerts. (I can sing Flora, which is really the chorus part).

So except for that bloody B flat, the rest of the program will be fun.

I probably won't do any singing today (I am going to the hairdresser and then my partner and I have free tickets to see the Broadway show Memphis.

Breakthroughs

Yesterday and today were big breakthrough days.  I just hope whatever it is sticks.

First, thank you Zachary for your helpful and amusing comments on a new approach to support.  I tried it yesterday during my warmup and the two phrases from the Randall Thompson were a walk in the park.  Ironically, the choir director has now moved the piece from this Sunday to the final Sunday of the season (the 19th) because the subject matter of the piece is quite a downer (it's about aging) and this coming Sunday is the ordination of one our seminarians, so we didn't even rehearse it last night.

But we did sing an Alleluia by Pinkham that has 5 or 6 high Gs for the sopranos (and a high A for soprano 1 only that I don't need to sing) and we must have sung the piece about 5 times, so that's about 30 high Gs.  A G is not a difficult note for me but singing 30 of them in an hour and a half is not easy.  So I squeezed my glutes (and tried to think about Zachary's pooping buffalo without laughing), got rid of the tension in my lower abdominals, and of course chugged a small carton of Muscle Milk, and I popped out every one of those notes without tension or fatigue.

Today I had a lesson and my teacher said he had never heard me sing like that -ever.  We sang through the Gioconda duet and then he took me through "Stella del Marinar", an aria I first sang when I was 30 and which he hadn't heard me sing for a year and he said he was so excited by the big Italianate sound I was capable of making that this has now made him really excited about our concert (trying to get him even interested in it before was like pulling teeth).  And he worked with me on the aria more like a coach than a voice teacher, telling me when to use chest voice (I have always used it very sparingly), when to take liberties with the tempo, etc.  In addition to understanding vocal technique he also is a master of Italian verismo style (which I suppose includes Verdi) so I really really look forward to getting past some of the technical work and refining this repertoire.

We agreed that if the Amneris/Radames duet is still making me nervous we should save it for our next concert and at this one do the scene from Gioconda (she sings a high B flat practically at her entrance but I've never had a problem with it) and the one from Trovatore  that begins with "Condotta" (means I need to learn that duet!)

He said he would try to get in touch with a dramatic soprano who's sung with him numerous times (she's amazing and can sing everything from Violetta to Brunnhilde) who is around our age.  They have a repertoire of duets they know and maybe she and I can sing the Aida/Amneris duet which only goes up to an A flat (for me) and which I don't find difficult.

Oh, and I almost forgot!  We did descending scales (an exercise we've done for years) and for the first time in my entire life I was able to begin one of them on a high C!!  I have never been able to sing a high C at all other than in the middle of a run or a very "scoopy" arpeggio.

Some time during the lesson I asked him if he thought I was a dramatic mezzo and he said he was hesitating because I don't have a powerful lower middle register so he thought if I sang a role like Amneris with an orchestra my lower middle voice might not carry over it.  On the other hand he said that that sort of rep seems to suit the shape and timbre of my voice better than anything else and that as I would most likely only be singing it with a piano, I shouldn't worry.

So I hope I can make some of this stick!

Plans

Well, family is not being any more supportive but plans are moving forward.

Yesterday I went with my teacher to look at the concert venue. It's small (seats 40) - about the size of the studio where they hold the coaching classes I've gone to - but unlike that studio it's pretty, with pictures on the walls and knicknacks on the built-in shelves. And a shawl draped over the piano. And using it will be even cheaper than we thought....there's a room next door we can use for a rehearsal that's only $15 an hour (the performance space is $25).

I think my teacher is really getting excited about this.

We are going to do either the Amneris/Radames duet or the Azucena/Manrico scene beginning with "Condotta" and going through to the end of the duet. (The latter choice is easier.) So I need to learn the Trovatore duet.

Then probably the Laura/Emzo scene from Gioconda beginning with his "Cielo e Mar", going through the duet, and then ending with my aria "Stella del Marinar".

Those will be the two big numbers. Whatever else we do will depend upon who else is going to sing with us. If we get a soprano I might do the Aida/Amneris duet which is very easy to sing (for me).

And of course I will sing "Mon Coeur". (Whether I do the G, the PG, or the R rated version will depend upon who's in the audience, of course!)

My teacher also mentioned the final scene from Carmen (which I don't know and don't think of as concert fare, but we'll see).

I'm sounding really good. I have a handle on the high A in the Randall Thompson. I've given up trying to sing it pianissimo. If I try that all I do is choke on it. Last rehearsal I sang it mezzopiano and didn't get any complaints. And the attempts I've made with this have added a new dimension to my singing. Basically I'm doing the backward scoop with an imaginary "w" in front of the note. It's funny. I've tried to sing high notes by thinking down and thinking forward and continually had a problem with them getting "stuck", but this backward scoop drops my larynx without causing tension. At my lesson Thursday my teacher and I sang through the Gioconda scene and he said I sang the B flat on Laura's entrance (never a difficult note for me, because it's in the middle of a phrase and she hasn't done a lot of singing before it) better than he has ever heard me sing a B flat. I am continuing to work on that until we've through with the Randall Thompson because I worry that the Verdi will make my voice too heavy. The Gioconda scene is something I sang with The Mentor and it was during our rehearsals for it that our relationship began to disintegrate. But I hardly think of him at all now, other than that I hope he's proud of me.

Giving Verdi Up for Lent?

I had a voice lesson yesterday. I had expected to sound horrid because I have been so depressed and haven't been sleeping well. I was pleasantly surprised. I sounded like gangbusters up to a B (we decided to pass on the C) and we once again went through the dreaded page in the Amneris/Radames duet and two out of three sounded great and the third sounded good 'nuf if I had sounded like that in public; certainly no worse than some notes I've heard from Olga Borodinalately.

I told him I was worried that I was getting off course because I felt my voice had too much weight, particularly on the top. I said I never felt that I was straining (I feel more like I'm straining singing pages of "light" soprano parts with the choir)but that I often (e.g., in the Aida duet aforementioned) felt that I just didn't have the oomph to continue on. He told me that this means I'm singing correctly, that yes, it takes more energy, and that since I'm 60, it takes more time to recoup and if I'm tired and depressed it would be harder for me to sing up there than for a 40 year old (a 30 year old couldn't sing that rep to begin with, or shouldn't).

I told my teacher about my deep sadness over trying to get my partner into an assisted living facility, as well as all the stress this is causing me, and I said I just didn't have the heart to plan concerts or anything really other than my choir solos. Then I laughingly said maybe I should give up singing that rep for Lent and just focus on my sacred solos. I've got two that I might be singing at the church, plus "Erbarme Dich", which I'm working on as something to do with the violinist, and then if I want a bit of drama, there's always "Liber Scriptus" from the Verdi Requiem, which is no different from the other Verdi roles except that it only goes up to an A flat. That's an ideal piece for me. Unfortunately I have yet to find any venue where I can sing it. The choir director really doesn't like big dramatic singing, at least not in a church context, and it's not the sort of thing for a Saturday afternoon concert. In any event maybe taking a break from the big Verdi opera roles will take some of the stress off me right now. I told my teacher I'm always worried about losing my upper register and he said no, I won't if I continue to vocalize up there.

As for Lent, even though I'm not Christian I think observing it in some way has spiritual meaning (it certainly beats fasting and making myself sick - probably for an ensuing 72 hours - for Yom Kippur). My Lenten project this year is loving my partner as much as I can, devoting my attention to getting her into the right facility, and doing whatever I have to do with good grace, instead of with resentment.

Ups and Downs

Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth writing anything here - no one comments. But maybe someday my luck will turn and this will be "discovered" (much more likely than that I will be "discovered" as a singer).

I had a reasonably good lesson Tuesday. My teacher said yes, he would be interested in doing a concert of duets at the nursing home, maybe next Spring. We could do things from Aida, Trovatore, and maybe Gioconda. I will see if the woman I interfaced with there would be willing to have me back.

He also thinks focusing on some of these Bach alto pieces is good. There's less stress involved and it will enable me to perform "chamber music" which is a less crowded market than opera and also it's part of the mission of the Lutheran Church where I sing to produce chamber music concerts.

As for choir happenings, I'm definitely on for the Tiffany Windows service, probably with the Mozart "Laudate Dominum" but I'm open to other ideas. And the choir director said yes, it would be nice to squeeze in the Duruffle "Pie Jesu" during Lent with his wife on the cello.

I do think, however, that I may have to scrap the idea of trying to sing the top women's part in "Abendlied" (Rheinberger). There are 3 women's parts but they're marked SAA not SSA so he didn't automatically put me on the middle part. It doesn' have any high notes - only goes up to a G - but the whole thing sits between the C above middle C and that G and is sustained pianissimo (what kills me is an E flat that you have to hold for 10 counts). The middle part involves sustained singing from the G above middle C to the C above middle C, which is easier. I tried singing the top part yesterday and my throat got very tight. I will learn both parts and ask my teacher. It's funny. In opera I am perfectly happy to be a mezzo (although I wish I were one with an easier B flat and B natural). I don't have "soprano envy". But in the choir it's always the high soprano(s) who get attention. They are the stars because particularly in an avocational setting, people are wowed by the fact that anyone can sing up there. The untrained sopranos struggle with an A, for example, which is probably why I was put in the soprano section to begin with. But for example in a piece like "Abendlied", those women with smaller voices can take breaths in the middle of notes and no one will notice. I either have to sing a note or pass on it but if I take a breath in the middle of that E flat, for example, everyone will hear it. I suppose what I mean is that in a choir if you're not either a soprano or a tenor singing a very high note or a bass singing a very low note there's no "wow" factor. And I'm a "wow" factor kinda gal.

I'm writing here about singing but I'm also in a state of mortal terror because on June 12 the State Legislature is voting on rent stabilization again, and with a Republican-controlled senate it is very scary. I could be out on the street when my lease is up, now when I'm so vulnerable with a seriously reduced income. On the other hand I will be 62 when my lease is up so I may have some protections. Or maybe New York City (which would renew those laws easily but doesn't have the power) will threaten to become the 51st state, which might not be a bad thing.

Yesterday's Lesson

Yesterday I had a long talk with my teacher about some things (luckily, he usually lets me give him an update and do some brainstorming as an add-on, without cutting into our hour singing time).

I mentioned my frustration about feeling that no one takes me seriously, and that this has dampened my ardor for trying to find places to sing (where I don't have to pay anything, and there will be a real audience - AKA I can invite my friends and acquaintances, and get to show off- not a nursing home, even though I believe singing in a nursing home is a worthy endeavor).

I asked again about our joint concert and he basically went "meh", which was not about my singing, it was more about his own feelings about singing right how. He is my age, and has sung almost every tenor and most baritone roles in the standard rep, in recent years with a pay-to-sing outfit run by a friend of his, who always needs men, so my teacher has never had to pay anything. (I suppose what he "pays" is jumping in to sing comprimario roles now and then when someone is needed.) He seems to have backed off this relationship lately, maybe because the outfit now has enough men willing to pay? I don't know. My teacher still can sing anything, just about, because he's a superb technician (and a superb teacher, unlike the conductor of Carmelites who seemed to be unable to convey to me what it was he wanted).

So I've put Amneris/Radames on the shelf for now. Not a bad idea. I worked it to death, and doing that improved my extreme upper register.

I also was honest with my teacher about my hurt that when he puts on a group concert he has never used me, but in fact on one occasion when his regular mezzo was not available used someone whose singing was (IMHO and also in his) not as good as mine.

He said well, that she was someone he had known for years and he had heard her perform under pressure. He reminded me that he had only actually heard me "perform" twice. So now it's back to these same issues that keep surfacing over and over. I can't get anywhere because I have no past. Or the past I have is so ancient and laughable, and the people who knew me then are gone, as at that time I was one of the youngest singers.

I don't want to start the new year feeling disheartened. I know I am singing better and better and my teacher agrees. Those exercises on "VVVVV" that are meant to liberate my "flute register" have been lightening my voice and making it easier to sing high notes with a variety of dynamics, however, as my teacher pointed out, they have not increased my range. I can now sing a tiny "VVVV" on a B natural off the cuff but nothing higher (Eboli at 61 perhaps?) but I still can't phonate on anything above a C and probably will never be able to. But I don't have a peer group. Which is why I have kept relying on that bass, who despite having a glorious instrument and a lot of stage presence, definitely has vocal "issues". He's about the only person I know who came out of nowhere in midlife like I did and is jonesing to sing opera.

Well, I just have to pick myself up and go on. I refuse to let all that talent go to waste or be buried forever in a choir. I need something else.

My choir director recently played in a small chamber music venue, something new that was opened up by an old fashioned stringed instrument maker. I wouldn't be able to sing opera there, but maybe the violinist from the church (he's retired from the NYCO and has happily accompanied me in several of the services)would do something with me. Maybe an all Bach program? I will try to find out what's involved in performing there. I doubt I would have to pay to use the space as I'm sure my choir director wouldn't have done that.

So do I want to make a New Year's resolution? What? To take myself seriously? How do I do that?

An Interesting Lesson - Something New

Yesterday I did some totally new things at my lesson, which was very interesting. I'm not sure why my teacher suddenly came up with some new exercises - whether it was because of my ongoing problems with my extreme upper register and finding a "light" position, or whether it's because he's been experimenting on his own going back to singing tenor.

Anyhow, he had me singing descending scales on a "v" sound with no vowel. My mouth is closed, so once I get up to an E (top space of staff) it gets hard. In the studio I was able to do it securely up to an A flat (the highest note I've ever really been able to sing pianissimo)but I got up to an A natural finally. Then he had me open up and sing "vaw" on the note that I had just phonated a "v" on. And surprise! The note had a lot of topspin and felt lighter and freer.

So he told me I should do this at home instead of some of my regular exercises singing descending scales on blu blu blu.

I sang among the best High Bs and even a few Cs that I have ever sung and then I did a bang-up job with the Amneris/Radames duet.

So I hope it sticks.

Even though my singing has kept improving over the past 6 years that I've been studying I still don't have a handle on the extreme high notes (for me anything above an A).

Tonight is my last choir rehearsal until Christmas Eve, because I'm taking a break to rehearse Carmelites. My partner is doing everything she can to discourage me, telling me if I fall or have some kind of accident I won't be able to work (or take care of her) but I am not budging. She also (to a friend) said my whole involvement with singing was a "fantasy". The friend, to her credit said "well, it's a nice fantasy".

The memorization is actually coming along, now that I'm drilling it (I guess I can't learn things by osmosis any more, certainly not anything later than Verdi).

Tonight the choir is singing a piece where both soprano parts have to sing a sustained pianissimo high G. I actually won't be singing the piece in the service but I'm going to challenge myself re: doing it tonight.

Continuing to Slog Along

Yesterday I had a lesson and didn't really sing all that well. It's unusual for me not to sing as well at a lesson as I do at home, but maybe I was just tired. It was in the mid-80s and very humid. And I had had a busy day beforehand.

I am still struggling with "Chi ti Salva". It seems that no matter what approach I try, what technique I use, blah, blah, blah, singing B flats (never mind anything higher, which I wouldn't attempt in public) is just bloody hard and sometimes the note is there, sometimes not.

I thought I had gotten past that when I did so well with "O Ma Lyre Immortelle". I always nailed that B flat at the end, even if it was just a scream on pitch.

The problem with this scene seems to be when I start at the beginning. So after 45 minutes of hard work on exercises, my teacher made me begin at the very beginning, with "L'abborita rival". And then he went over a lot of it with a fine tooth comb. He says he is now acting as a coach not just a teacher and he wants to make sure everything is stylistically correct. So we went back over a lot of the phrases and did them several times. I mean there's nothing up until "Chi ti salva" that's vocally difficult, but it is a lot of singing.

So when we got to "Chi ti salva" I literally could not sing that note - it was in danger of being a hideous yell. That scares me. I can't risk ever singing like that in public. Well, I don't have to think about it. I have until April to get this in shape and on a day I would be singing it in public I would be well rested and I would know exactly what I was doing every minute.

My teacher didn't seem to think it was serious. He said some of the problem is I'm still learning the piece, fumbling for notes, words, etc.

Then we tried something different. I realized I never have trouble singing long scales. In fact I can usually do those up to a C. And when I've felt like interpolating a B flat as part of a run in "Rejoice Greatly" it has not been that hard (I usually don't bother). So I've decided to approach that progression by not taking a breath and just starting "Or dal ciel" on the C and not breathing until I've gone up and back. If I keep my mouth closed up until the G I will save my energy.

Oh, I totally forgot. I had mentioned "cheating" a while ago. My teacher said that's a no no.

I mean the thing is bloody hard. There's no place to take a rest beginning at "Ma, s'io ti salva" and it's heavy singing going on from that.

My teacher and I also talked about strength, girth, and stamina. He referred to me as "small" which makes me laugh since I'm 5 3.5 and weigh 143. As far as BMI is concerned I'm on the borderline for being overweight. My teacher said singers don't need to be "fat" but most good singers, certainly with big voices, have a lot of muscle mass around the middle, like Dolora Zajick.

In other news, I have been watching the US Open. I am not a big sports fan but I love women's tennis and also listening to talk about how athletes train and isolate weaknesses and train over and over to improve a skill is very inspirational to me working on my voice. I may be old, tired, weak(er - compared to younger singers with years of training) but I can work and work and work and perfect my art until I drop dead, if that's what I want to do.

Singing Makes It All Better

I haven't been having an easy time lately. I am worried about my finances (I don't want to cannibalize my 401ks) and exhausted by eldercare.

But when I sing, particularly when I sing well, or have a plan for someplace to sing next, all feels right with the world. I know this is probably foolish since I'm almost 60 and no matter how well I sing will never have a "career", but there you have it.

First, regarding the tenor. He wants to do Carmen (easy sing, lots of sex)and we're looking at the Fall of 2011. I will touch base with him again this Fall.

Next, I had a lesson yesterday. I can feel that my teacher is really excited about how I sound singing Amneris (despite lingering difficulties with those bloody B flats - more on that later) and he's also excited about singing the duet with me. Interestingly, he's still the only person who doesn't use the "D" word when describing my voice - he still calls me a "big lyric" - but he said I have real power in the upper register. The higher I sing the bigger my voice gets (which may explain why I hit a brick wall at A natural and have to push past it)but he's a little reluctant to call me a dramatic since I don't have a big middle. He did say that the conformation of my voice is more "old fashioned" (Simionato-like) than Zajick-like in that I don't shift to a lighter position for high notes. I have tried and tried and tried that and all it does is create tension so my teacher has helped me stay with the low larynx position. Actuall I think I figured out how to handle the B flats - if I raise my ribcage (and my arms) that pushes my larynx down and makes it easier to sing up the scale. In any event, the Judgment Scene is going really, really, well. I have always had a big, easy powerhouse A which is the note featured in that scene. And I've also learned to keep the drama in the scene by observing the dynamic markings not by feeling something myself. (I can hear The Mentor Who Shall Not Be Discussed telling me "You're not supposed to feel anything, you're supposed to make the audience feel something.")

Speaking of Himself, rather ironically, it turns out that the pianist who will be playing for us isn't set up with a piano in his studio yet, because he just moved here, so we may be using the basement of the Unitarian Church to rehearse with him. If so, it will be interesting to see what Himself thinks of this duet, if he's around to kibbitz. (If I haven't mentioned it before, we did make peace and he was very supportive and professional with me about my performance of "O My Lyre Immortelle" back in January.)

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

Well, after writing about how well I sang through both parts of Amneris's Judgment Scene (actually, to be literal, it's Radames's Judgment Scene)I just totally conked out at my lesson. My teacher wasn't worried, so I guess I shouldn't be.

Here's how things progressed.

We always start with warmups, and this time I sang a number of scale progressions up to a full voiced High C. I've been able to do that now both at lessons and at home for several months now, which is a huge accomplishment. In the past, sometimes I would have that note, sometimes not, and even if I had it, it would just be a little squeak.

I know from reading my favorite mezzo blogs that there are mezzos out there who vocalize regularly up to a High D, but I ain't one of them.

In any event, after some strenuous warmups we sang through the second half of the scene because that's what I'm going to be singing sooner (at the concert with my bass friend). I am singing it very well and I probably sang the ending the best I've sung it (I sang it about three times this afternoon). Then we decided to dive into the Amneris/Radames duet. My teacher loves singing this and it will be a definite yes for our Spring concert. Well, after fumbling a bit through the introductory recits, and singing a bit carelessly (read light and skimming the surface) through her glorious "Ah, tu dei vivere", I just totally ran out of energy and couldn't make it through "Chi ti salva sciagurato" and that first high B flat was a hideous bloodcurdling scream.

My teacher said the problem was I wasn't thinking about what I was doing but I also felt just completely drained, like all the "juice" had been wrung out of me. (Juice. That's what I should have brought with me, I now realize.) All was not lost, and after a brief pep talk from my teacher we went through the reprise (which is much easier for me of course because there's less to sing) and I nailed the note. And then we went through it (the reprise) again and I nailed it again and sounded really great, so we decided to quit while we're ahead. My teacher told me to isolate that ascending scale and sing it on "aw" (not "ah", which can get spread) and then go back and try to sing the section again from "Chi ti salva".

I just am really upset that I get so tired. I got enough sleep last night and have been eating healthy (and then some, in fact I'm at my maximum weight for being this short - there have been times when I weighed more but I was three inches taller) so why the fatigue? Yes, I've had among the most stressful weeks of my entire life but I sounded great yesterday. Maybe it was the heat? In any event, I just really hate that I'm such a weakling.

In other news, after my lesson we talked about repertoire for the Spring concert and decided we'll probably do the Water Duet from Gioconda (with the option of doing the two arias) and then maybe the last act of Carmen. I have never sung that so it should be interesting to learn it.

So that means I'll shelve Werther for a while. Charlotte is a role I keep meaning to learn but somehow I never get to her. The opera has a few nice moments but I have to say I'm not crazy about it.

Tomorrow I won't be singing because I'm taking my partner out for her birthday. We are going to see Sherie Renee Scott in Everyday Rapture
Rather ironically, Scott first came to attention playing Amneris in the Disney version of Aida. I haven't heard the whole thing, but never cease to be amused at how the erotically charged "Deh vieni, vieni amor mio m'innebria" morphed into "There's a buck naked princess in bed, waiting for you". Ah, pop culture!