Letdown

Well, it was bound to happen - the post-performance letdown. And I wasn't even all that ecstatic about the performance (the soprano I sang with made a CD and sent it to my teacher, so I can hear some of it Thursday at my lesson, I guess).

The lovely woman who runs the studio (and who has dedicated her life to helping singers) has now set up several "soirees" where people can get up and sing. It's funny. Two years ago I would have jumped at the opportunity to do something like that but now I just feel intimidated from all sides. I get no support at home (my partner was amazingly supportive of the concert as the day drew near, but she will think "enough is enough") and the people who would be there with me would make me feel like wallpaper. That's what happened when I went to those meetups. People were polite but kept their distance. I simply didn't interest them and that was obvious. And I'm not even talking about attracting the interest of a manager. I'm talking about being taken seriously. So then there would be a negative feedback loop and I would be nervous and/or depressed and wouldn't sing well.

In addition to these soirees this woman plans to sponsor master classes and when they're over, to give a concert and invite managers. Well, no manager is going to be interested in me - I would just be taking up space that could better go to someone else.

It's just all so disheartening.

So I need to focus on the positive. I am going to have a CD made at no charge by my mother's sound engineer friend. He is taking me to lunch at the end of the month and we can make a plan. Arias I plan to record are:

Do over

O Mio Fernando (La Favorita)
Stella del Marinar (Laura's aria from La Gioconda)
Liber Scriptus (Verdi Requiem)
Amour Viens Aider (Samson et Dalila)


New

Fenena's aria from Nabucco
Acerba Volutta (Adriana Lecouvreur)
O Ma Lyre (Gounod's Sappho)
Mon Coeur (for my friend from adolescence who encouraged me to do this in the first place)

And I need to start learning the Requiem

The choir director seemed to think I would need to "rent" the church to put this on but said I should ask the Pastor. She came to my concert and seems to like my singing, so she may let me use the church if I put the concert on during Lent and give the ticket takings to whatever charity she would like.