"Letting it Rip"

This post is mostly addressed to Zachary, if he's still reading this blog, or to any other vocal technique people.

One of my ongoing problems, even with the high notes that I solidly do have, is finding that little bit extra that I need to make them spin on big climaxes.  It is sort of akin to what a skater or a gymnast does before a high jump of some kind.  What surprises me, given that I've seen many top notch, Olympic medal winning skaters and gymnasts fall on their butts on some of these jumps, in prime time, is that this doesn't happen to more world class singers when they go for those high notes.

Zachary had asked me what I meant by "letting it rip" and I don't think I came up with a satisfactory answer, but I think I perhaps can now.

First of all, in the interests of full disclosure, Friday I had a very very very bad runthrough of "Liber Scriptus".  Not the worst.  If that top A flat came out like that in the performance and I sang everything else well, I could live to see another day, but I was not happy.

Which is the key.  A lot of the time I am not happy and I am convinced, as I wrote here, is the key to the problem with some of those climaxes.

There is a way I can sing that is technically correct, where I sing on the breath, keep my support going, stay aware of what I am doing (will I ever get to the point - like people I hear in Master Classes - where I don't have to think about this all the time and can move to the next stage?) and it works if I don't have to sing high climactic notes.  It even works as high as A natural if I am singing music that moves lightly, like some of the soprano parts in Bach cantatas that I have sung with the choir.  The G sharps in "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" and "Fac ut Portem" from the Rossini Stabat Mater are a walk in the park.  But to sail up to something like that A flat in "Liber Scriptus" I need something extra, which is what I mean by "letting it rip".  At that moment (or more precisely at the moment before) I have to take a deep breath, let everything lift and feel buoyant, and make space.  It is a very similar feeling to what one does when one is full of excited anticipation, unbounded joy, and so forth.  And it seems to be very very very hard for me to do considering that there is this mild depression lurking underneath a lot of the time.  (I say mild and that's what I mean.  I have read enough medical literature - and my therapist agrees - to know that I would rather feel that way 24/7 than take antidepressants just as I would rather have sinus drainage than take antihistamines.)

But the point is that that "happy" feeling can be manufactured. I am an actress after all.  It is something physiological.  I suppose the great, or even just the good polished singers can do that at will, just as I know how to sing the long run in "Et Exsultavit" on one breath which many professional singers seem not to be able to do.  And it is probably easier for women with smaller voices.  I have heard a lot more of those ugly "straight" notes (caused by lack of that  "little bit extra") from male singers than female ones.

Well, I said a prayer for my Requiem and not only my therapist, but also my partner (with her visiting nurse) will be coming.

Let's hope that makes me  happy.