I was just going to add an "ETA" onto the last post I wrote, but this deserves its own post. Yes, I need to finish up some work (and do some practicing) but I have to stop crying first.
Well, it seems that the snark on The Forum is not going to stop just because the story of the bookstore gig is over and I was the one who got it because I was willing to do it for free.
The woman whose blog post offended me on a deep level, of course weighed in, accusing the bookstore of not appreciating "professionalism". Well, folks, I just looked in the dictionary, and "professionalism" means
The conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or professional person.
It does not say anything about getting paid or insisting on getting paid. I just tried to create a new account for the Forum and post that definition somewhere, but I have to wait for them to validate my email. Or maybe it's not worth the bother.
I decided to "unfriend" this woman and take her blog off my list. It is too bad, because she used to have a lot to say, but maybe the fact that she had a head injury has caused her to have a personality change. I certainly have heard almost nothing but snark from her for the past year or so (I don't mean directed at me personally, just at everything and everybody).
But I just feel so sad and so worthless. I just don't get it. Sure, people take advantage of volunteers, but if something is fun to do, and the talent pool is too big, people are going to be willing to do it for free and that's tough nuggies. As I mentioned once before, I don't see this as scabbing. Scabbing would be offering to do something for free that that employer usually pays people to do. If that employer (or whatever you want to call them) isn't offering any pay, they're not, and it's fine for people to say no thank you to the offer to do something for free, but why belittle the company and the volunteer? Why spoil things for someone who was happy to do it? I couldn't imaging making fun of a company for asking someone to read and edit something for free (if they had never paid anyone to do something similar) nor would I make fun of the person who did it. Maybe it represented a change of pace from their regular job or their regular life. Maybe it represented a learning experience that they wanted.
And in this particular instance I am sure that the book this company was promoting is not going to be a big money maker. I may not be a professional singer but I have been a publishing professional for over 30 years.
I will say that when I posted something on Facebook about being upset, my friends from the church (and others) said really nice things to me. And no, I don't think they were [here I am tempted to insert the piece of profanity that this woman put in her blog post, but it is not my style]. Why would these people feel the need to flatter me like toadies clustering around Paris Hilton? I am sure they say supportive things because they mean them.
I just can't let myself drown.
I am going to be in this concert on September 12 and we have a rehearsal tomorrow. I know my two songs and two duets and intend to conduct myself "professionally" in this group of avocational singers. I also have a date to sing "Laudamus te" at the church on September 1. And I will conduct myself "professionally" there as well.
Tomorrow I have to take my SO to have some skin cancers evaluated. She may need surgery (she promised not to schedule it the week of my concert; if she's put it off this long she can either do it before that week or after) and she is scared. I can't be crying and feeling terrible about myself.
R., I did read through the forum item on issue, but I couldn´t really see any snark into your direction there. They all yammer about the evil bookstore people and others who want stuff for free.. and might not get professional service back. But it doesn´t mean they don´t regard your work as professional.. only they don´t like the store´s attitude.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, please stop making yourself sad overinterpreting these people. You are doing interesting things, and people like what you are doing, concentrate on this, on the things which are yet to come. Not on something which might not even have anything to do with you.
That said, I mostly sing for free too these days, because I care for the opportunity to chose what I am singing, and I am criticized for that too. But I absolutely can live with that.
Dear Dagmar,
ReplyDeleteAll this began not with the Forum but with a woman's blog post (I will tell you who/what if you message me privately) beginning "I have seen a lot of awful [I don't remember the exact word and don't want to revisit it] things on Youtube this week". It was one day after my video was posted on Facebook and she was a "friend". I think what got her back up was that my byline referred to me as an "opera singer". She then did a whole riff about "singing doesn't make you an opera singer, arguing doesn't make you a lawyer" yada yada and spoke about people who are "lost" because they don't realize they are not going anywhere. What's odd is that I went to her once for a private coaching and she was very nice, but she has become very ugly lately (about numerous people, places, and things). So I don't think I was being paranoid wondering if she was writing about me. Most of what was posted on the Forum was not that snarky but this particular woman weighed in on how "people don't understand professionalism". As for singing for free, here's how I feel (I already have written quite a bit about it). I think if a particular person or organization does not pay people, demanding to be paid is not going to change that. If the operation runs on a shoestring it will probably close, and a propos of this bookstore (I have been in the publishing business for 35 years) they would have decided it was too much trouble to use a live person and would have used a recording. In any event, living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, no one is going to pay me to sing anywhere, which is OK. I just resent not being taken seriously. As I said, I had a ball doing that gig at the bookstore and I'm sure everyone else did too.
This is the thing. In your own words, you say you had fun. Fun is okay. Fun is for amateur. When I sing (paid, not paid, whatever), I focus on communicating what the composer wanted (or wants). It is not about me. Carmen does not need to have black hair, she could be blonde, its not about looks. Its about the art of the words....Anyhow, I don't know who you are, what you are about and what you want but, you are an amateur and just accept it and all will be good. Now, lets all move on ....Also, I study with this teacher, I have learned more from her recovery from this accident than I have in any other school or teacher.
ReplyDeleteSinging is not about ego. Singing is about being humble. I can't believe you told your partner to wait for a surgery. Are you serious?
Dear K-Mom,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to answer (or publish) this, but I consider it a fair and balanced comment and I want to address the issue of my partner and set the record straight. First of all, she did not need any surgery. What was at issue here was not anything life threatening, but a visit to a dermatologist that she had procrastinated about dealing with for over a year. Any surgery she might have needed could have been postponed for one more week (she had postponed dealing with the issue for a year, remember).She has a history or procrastinating about things and then turning them into a crisis at the 11th hour when I have something else to do.
As for ego, I have to laugh at people who think I have a big ego. No one who knows me in real life thinks that. I am always eager for constructive criticism and believe me I get plenty from teachers and coaches.
I think what I did have was a rude awakening when I began singing again at 54 and found that the universe of the no-pay community opera groups had changed dramatically and that it was basically full of polished professionals who could not find work, and that they did not consider me good enough. I sang briefly with those types of groups (not the same ones) in the 1970s when I was in my 20s and did not sing nearly as well as I do now. So it has been frustrating. But I have learned that I can produce my own concerts and concert operas if there are things I want to sing, and that that is ok.
I am not apologetic about being an amateur. I am angry when "amateur" is confused with "amateurish" which I see as doing things like not showing up for rehearsals on time or not following directions.
What I resent most is being told I should not be out there doing the tiny handful of things that I am doing. This particular gig at the bookstore did not pay anything, so the professional singers who laugh at me did not want it, so I did it and had fun and so did everyone else.
And it was the publicist who referred to me as an "opera singer" not me. And why should anyone care what I call myself anyhow? I think that's a lot of misplaced hostility.